I split this into two parts only because of length. Now continuing…
We come back from break, and he starts to explore aspects of my sexuality: “Amanda tells me that you are, more specifically, a sex slave. Do you agree with that?”
I take a moment to collect my thoughts. It seems he is patient enough with me to allow me to think first before answering, but I wonder in my more formal submission to him if he will be as patient. Amanda gives me space for that.
“Yes, I think of slave types as ‘specialties,’ in a way. I think one could work to specialize in one or another thing, although we each have certain affinities, I guess. But I could be another type — being a service slave, for example, would come somewhat natural to me. But at this point in my slave life, I’m a sex slave…”
“What does that mean for you in practice?”
“It means, of course, that I am used for sex by my dominant and sometimes by others. But more often it involves my being sexualized — presented sexually, undressed to one degree or other, perhaps displayed in sexual ways… In general, it all means that my primary purpose is sexual… I accept that.”
“Did you decide you were a sex slave as opposed to other types, or was this Amanda’s decision for you?”
“It honestly wasn’t something we talked about much. It was something that evolved. She started assuming that too. It just has made sense with me. And with her. That’s what I am. Or maybe she knew it all along.”
“You are bisexual, obviously. Is that how you identify? Is it even for you?”
“Attraction to women versus men.”
“Oh, right… Yes, I identify as bisexual. And I am equally attracted, though it’s different for me in the experience. But yes, I have strong attractions to men. Amanda teases me with that. I’m sure that’s partly why she is giving me to you, sir.”
More coffee, more conversation. He asks me about my own services to Amanda, what I like about how she handles me.
I answer, but I fear he is going to go into the BDSM checklist thing of my likes, dislikes, and limits.
He doesn’t. In fact he says the opposite: “You’ll find I am not a dominant who caters to you. In a way, I don’t care about what you want. When I have you, you will be there to cater to me.”
Actually I am relieved. In saying that, he has just started feeling much more dominant to me.
“I will be training you,” he says, “in basic things that I like done in precise ways. We’ll start by how I want you to sit and stand and walk. I’m sure you have gone through that times before. But I have very specific expectations. I demand a certain precision. I will train you in how you appear and behave when you accompany me, wherever that might be. I will train you in how you speak with me and with others.”
“Shae, I wish to hear your verbal assent.”
“Of course. Yes sir.”
“You will find I am more formal that what you’re used to. I believe in protocols, how I want you to behave in various social contexts. I will train you in those. I am not one to obsess about classic slave positions — I understand you have some training in that — but I will train you in a few positions that I want you to readily assume in specific ways.”
“I believe a slave exists for service of her dominant. I will shape you into the slave I desire, the girl I allow to be in the same room with me. If nothing else, that itself pleases me greatly.”
“I will do my best to please you.”
“I’m sure you will… When we get past the basics, I’ll get into sexualization and objectification with you. I will enjoy humiliating you. I will use you in sexual ways but in ways that please me and perhaps not always ways that please you. Like I say,, you will find I don’t care much about that.”
It occurs to me for the first time that Amanda is aware her dominance of me is “soft.” Our relationship is slave-mistress, for sure, but also girlfriend-girlfriend and lover-lover. Her dominance of me is influenced by these other relations.
Is giving me to Master McKenna her way of providing a harder dominance of me, something which she does not wish to provide?
We are toward the end of the morning. He asks me if I have questions for him. I have thought I might be asked for such, and I have a lot of questions in my head for him. However, I intentionally focus on just a few — and not questions about how it will work for me but how it can work best for him.
“Thank you sir. I think I just want to ask about how I can best meet your expectations. That’s way general, I know, but I can be more specific.”
He seems to appreciate my intent and jumps in: “I want your complete yielding to me. I know that Amanda is your owner and Mistress. Nothing changes that. But when I have you, I don’t want from you any hesitation or questioning or holding back. I expect your complete devotion and yielding to my will.”
“Yes sir… more specifically, I would ask if satisfying you, meeting your needs, involves bondage or not. Also pain or not. I am asking truly just to know what pleasures you.”
“Very well. Yes, I will enjoy putting you in bondages. I have a room. Pain, yes sometime I enjoy inflicting pain. Not a big thing with me. Amanda has suggested limits for some things, which I will observe, of course.”
“Thank you… Also I am wondering if my slavery to you would involve personal services. Amanda sometimes has me bathe her, do her hair and nails, pamper her in those ways. I don’t know what that would mean to a man, what is comparable.”
“I have ideas for that. Yes.”
“A final question… What was it that your former slave, Shana, did for you that you appreciated the most?”
He pauses. “An excellent question. Let me think about that. I’ll give you an answer before I go today.”
We take another break and then there is another short time of conversation before Amanda joins us again.
He asks about my earlier life and background. I talk about my schooling, writing, and real estate career before entering slave life. He asks about my parents. I don’t share too much about that, but simply report that my dad passed away some time ago and my mom is living in Pennsylvania.
He mentions that he is fifty-five, noting he is almost twice my age. He never asks if that is a problem for me, but I know that is what he is circling. As this comes out right after I’d mentioned my father, I suspect he is also thinking that he is old enough to be my father. But he doesn’t go there.
Even so, I volunteer that in my submissive life everyone I’ve served has been older than me. “I think age, and to some extent the older someone is, conveys to me a greater sense of one’s dominance.”
Which has always been true.
Master McKenna stayed for lunch. I put out some sandwich fixings and chips. I was then dismissed.
They sat in the kitchen and talked some of the logistics and details.
He requests of Amanda a final few minutes with me in the living room.
There he says: “Your question about Shana. What I appreciated about her the most was that she was strong without being defiant. I want a girl who is fully submissive but not fragile.”
“You want to be able to crush me while knowing I will still be resilient.”
He blinks at my response. I surprise myself with how it comes out, so forward like that. But I know when he said that about Shana it is what he meant.
“Exactly.” he said, smiling.
Amanda told me later about the arrangement they’d come to.
Initially, I will be provided to Master McKenna every other Saturday. The first two times, he will come here to the house. Amanda will be around, but not involved. If then it seems to be working out, she will continue this, but then I will be going to his house on those Saturdays. After two or three months, she will reassess.
Amanda had to work out schedules on the calendar with him, specifically accommodating my times with Kevin. That is still a bit of a wrinkle in this, simply because Kevin’s schedule with me seems to vary based on his work.
A day later, I am, of course, processing it all.
Being shared with a dominant stranger like this is not a casual thing, but neither, I see now, is it so big and potentially traumatic as I might have imagined it to be. I find I am more comfortable now in what it is and will be. Amanda wants to give me a new experience. She gets her kicks from seeing my submissiveness in the context of others. It is the next thing for me in her development of me.
Master McKenna, as I feel him, is a strong dominant man. At least with men, I am better in the presence of strong, clear dominance than something softer. (Perhaps with women I am better when it’s more relational.) Master McKenna’s style is formal and exacting, with, it seems, specific expectations — and that I will respond to well. He had moments when he smiled and laughed, so he is not without a lighter side. Perhaps he will enjoy my sense of humor.
In all this, I guess I am relieved. As a dominant man, Master McKenna is appealing in a certain way to my submissiveness. If that weren’t the case, this could be more difficult.
Anyway, that’s how I am feeling today. Tomorrow I may wake up in sheer panic.
Much to think about. I will share more.