BDSM, D/s, and my slavery

I know there are endless posts about the difference between BDSM and D/s, and definitions of various kinds of dominant-submissive arrangements. I don’t want to add to the noise, but I have been asked some questions about my slavery, how it works, and how it is different from other things. So I’ll just say a few things and try to keep it brief.

First, let me be clear that I respect all other kinds of definitions and arrangements, whatever they are. I’m not saying that to be diplomatic. I think most of us grow up in boxes — containers of behavior and expectation, of religion and sexuality — that require us to conform to ways of life that are limiting. Most people stay in those containers. Some have dared to leave those boxes and find other experiences, lifestyles, and existences that are more pleasurable, exciting, and fulfilling. We have an extraordinary range of possible sexual pleasure, ninety-nine percent of which most people never experience. (Soapbox finished.)

I understand BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) as a form of play, often role play, for prescribed periods of time, often in constructed settings — taking the form of acting out in scenes. Earlier in my exploration I had some experiences in BDSM scenes. I think this can be a way that people can step out of their boxes and taste other dimensions of sexuality.

I understand D/s to be a relationship between a Dominant and a submissive. That can be defined in a multitude of ways, negotiated by them, contracted by them. It can be a marriage, a committed relationship, or a more casual relationship. It can be living together or apart or even online. It might incorporate some of the practices of BDSM, but not necessarily — the emphasis is more relational and even spiritual — exploring the territory of one person submitting in substantial ways to the will and control of another.

My life with Master Michael might be cbest understood as a version of D/s taken to the level of a literal slavery. There are aspects of our arrangement that many would consider extreme. I was literally bought by him. I have willingly submitted myself to slavery, and that is not necessarily tied exclusively to Master Michael. We have a relationship in which we care deeply about each other (though in very different ways), but we are not married and it is not a traditionally romantic relationship. Master has other women he sees and has relationships with. He shares me sexually with other men and women.

Now there is quite a story about how we met and how this arrangement came to be. That’s for another time. But the theme of our story is that I am extreme in my submissive nature and need, and Master Michael is extreme and experienced in dominance.

There’s much more to say, but I want to keep this brief. Happy to answer questions.

Ultimately the thing is, I obey, he possesses me, uses me, dominates me — and we’re both happy.

 

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