proud or humiliated?

Are you proud of being a slave or is it humiliating to you?

My temptation here is to answer, “Yes,” and to leave it at that. But, of course, I’ll say more. It’s a really good question.

For me there’s a difference between being happy as a slave and being proud as a slave. In general, I am happy and fulfilled in living the slave life. Of course, like anyone, I have good days and bad days, and there are things that are difficult and hard. But overall I am content and happy being a slave in a slave relationship, now to both a mistress and a master.

Because I was born this way — with an extreme submissive sexuality — I need to be a slave in a slave life 24/7. (I know there’s a lot to explain and unpack in that statement, but for now trust me that it’s just true.) But this need, this submissive sexuality, and to the extreme it is in me, is not what I would wish for in a different life. But it is what I am. So, in a way — and I want to say this carefully — I feel that this need is a handicap I must live with. Often I wish I were different, with a normal sexuality and a traditional relationship and a regular life. But I am what I am, and true slavery is the only life I’ve found that allows me to be what I am, and thus to be fulfilled. But no, nothing in this is a matter of pride. To the contrary, it is something of a life sentence. Being a slave is something I am resigned to be.

The one thing I am proud of is that I have persisted in trying to find myself through my adult life, from my college days through my professional career, through various friendships and relationships. And I am proud that at a particular point I was brave enough to leave behind everything, pursue my need, and submit myself to a literal and real slavery. I have fought to understand my extreme sexuality and to get to a life that satisfies it. I am proud of that.

I also feel a kind of pride when I am satisfying to my owners, my master and mistress. I experience a deep enjoyment when I pleasure others, through their use of my body or my servitude or my attitude or my willingness to live in submission to them.

But I can feel proud in those “accomplishments” and yet feel humiliated in the doing of them. Of course, living as someone’s sexual object is humiliating. Submissive life is humiliating. Being dominated in public is humiliating. Meeting Amanda’s colleagues at work and being aware that I am a slave to her is humiliating. Enduring a long night of my master fucking all my holes” and claiming me is humiliating for me to write about here. Being sold by one master to this master and mistress is humiliating. Knowing how I am seen and judged by others is humiliating.

But humiliation is the ground zero of the slave life, and you have to accept it as you experience it every day.

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