Do you have any concerns posting things so open and transparent about your Master and Mistress?
Yes, some. My true, honest feeling about each of them is respect: I have developed an appreciation for their dom experience and their smarts about keeping a slave like me. I confess I was less sure of them when I first walked into their house after our long trip from Colorado Springs. But any initial negative perceptions I had were wrong. I am now impressed by how responsible and intentional they are in their lifestyle and with me.
So I don’t worry that my words will ever lead me to a place of being critical or disrespectful. But I am concerned at times that in the course of specific moments the feelings and impressions I express might be harsh or seem negative toward one or the other, even when I don’t intend that as a criticism of them.
Mistress Amanda, though, has been insistent that I need to release myself from any restrictions in my writing, that I should be free to be honest and forthright about everything. She reads my posts before I post them, but never has edited me. She, if anything, is more concerned that I edit myself too much. I don’t feel that I do. But I never feel constrained to say anything any particular way to please or pass muster with Mistress and Master.
I probably should point out something I’ve written and posted many times before — that both Mistress and Master are very transparent publicly about their dominant lifestyle. Long before I came into their world, they were open with friends and colleagues and family about who and what they are. My blog posts are perhaps more specific windows into their lifestyle, but many of the people they associate with already know who they are and about me.
In your new slavery under Amanda and Kevin, what is the one surprise for you? What is the one takeaway for you after your first months with them?
I’m not sure if that’s one question or two. I’ll treat it as two: surprise and takeaway.
What surprised me was the reality of their own relationship together. I had expected that I was being taken by a couple who were involved with each other. I knew they weren’t married, but I thought they were romantically involved. It doesn’t appear they are so much. (Which is fine.) Even now, I don’t know the true nature of their relationship, although I am learning they communicate with each other very well somehow. I don’t ask. It’s not my business. And it’s not anything that affects me directly. It was just not what I was expecting.
The key takeaway for me in these first weeks and months is the completely different ways Mistress and Master dominate me. I’ve written on this a number of times. My slavery to Mistress is intensely personal and intimate; my slavery to Master is distant and utilitarian. I am her handmaiden; I am his fuck toy. (Now, Mistress Amanda would quickly say that I am her fuck toy too, and that is true, but I would just say she plays with her Shae toy in a very special, different way.) Master K uses me without warning and often roughly and urgently. But his way with me pushes a lot of my submissive buttons. I find that I long for his style with me just as much as I yearn for her style with me.
To jump to another analogy, it’s like I am their piano: she plays me using the white keys; he plays me using the black keys…. Then again, not sure that analogy works that well or what exactly I mean by that! 🙂
Your account of your night of getting claimed was really hot. Was it as intense for you to experience it as it seems from your post?
Yes, god yes. In fact, I still don’t feel that what I wrote did full justice to my experience of the night.
Thank you for saying it was hot, but in fact I don’t write my experiences for that intention. I write to convey my own mental and emotional and sexual responses in my experiences of slavery. Many of my experiences are inherently erotic for me, perhaps for my Master or Mistress, and for anyone who might otherwise observe them. So I try to convey the eroticism in the room. But I do so staying true to what is actually happening. At least that’s my goal. And normally I have to pull back on my words so not to overstate what something was to me.
But in the experience of my claiming, as I wrote what happened I felt I could never quite get to the intensity I really felt or the immense impact he had on me.
After your night of claiming, did you really feel claimed? What does that even mean?
My claiming elicited a lot of response.
I have tried to write about this, but again the reality escapes description. I confess I went into that night assuming the experience was really going to be a bondage-and-sex session with Master and that the “claiming” claim was somewhat bogus.
So I may not be able to describe it adequately, but “being claimed,” I can honestly say, was and is a real thing.
It’s perhaps an ironic analogy, but it has made me think of when I was in my late teens and having sex for the first time. Or even the second or third time, but at an early stage when sex was new to me. And I remember one boy I was with, and the time he had sex with me, and I remember how days and weeks after that I felt so close to him and so attached to him. It was, of course, an infatuation, but it was also a body-memory thing, a sense of this boy and my body “fitting together” in a literal kind of melding, or as teen Shae fantasized at the time, a kind of wedding.
That is too bubblegum romantic for what I went through during my claiming, but some of the effects are the same. Since then, I have felt, literally, that I am “attached” to Master K in some way. This is not a romantic thing, but a submissive thing, as if he has me on an invisible leash. It is a palpable, physical feeling in me, a physical and emotion memory. There is also a sense of me “fitting” him, his cock “filling my holes,” such that my body remembers him specifically. I actually feel empty without him in me. And there is something about my body being the subject of his most private sexuality, some of his secret pleasures. That and the long night, the endurance of the raw and rough ordeal he put me through. And that I submitted to him completely all night without complaint. It was a hurricane of an event we survived together. It was a melding of us in some carnal, lascivious way, and even a “wedding” of sorts, of me a slave to him a master.
So yes, it was, and is still, a real thing for me. I was really “claimed” in such a way by Master K. I was always owned by him, but now he really owns me. And we both know it.
It seems your slave attractions and relationships are multiple and varied. Are you polyamorous?
That’s a real good question. I don’t know, but I understand why that might be thought of me.
I understand the term “polyamory” to mean a desire for intimate relationships with multiple people at the same time. I think if you look at my life, what it is now and what it has been, you could say that of me. My life “looks like that.” But at the same time, I’d say my life yields that as a result of my submissiveness, not because I desire multiple relationships. My relationships are what they are commanded to be by my master and mistress.
In fact, as a slave to Master Michael for two years, he was my only real relationship. And if it were to happen in some imagined future, I would be very content to be Mistress Amanda’s slavegirl exclusively.
I’m reluctant to use terms and labels because I think they sometimes define us in simplistic ways. “Polyamory” doesn’t quite fit the complexity of my slavery. However, I think there is something more on this to be said about me: I do, in fact, tend to seek emotional connection and intimacy with anyone who dominates me. I feel deeply, sexually and emotionally, and I know I lean into those places within the relationships I’m placed into.
Have you heard from Master Michael since you moved into your new slavery?
Yes, he wrote to me a while ago, a most beautiful letter. I have thought about posting it, or parts of it, and I have his permission to do so, but I have held back. His letter is very special to me. I kind of want to keep it to myself for now.
What I can share is that the reasons for me being sold to Mistress Amanda and Master K are more than the punishment I deserved for my behavior during that horrible stretch back when. That was a trigger and one reason. And it was the reason he wanted me to believe. But Master also revealed he had some changes in his life and work coming up, and he didn’t feel right about keeping me as his slave while he was so preoccupied with other things for months to come. He knows Kevin and Amanda well, well enough to believe I would be good with them. He mentioned in his letter his sense I needed to be with a woman, and also that I needed to experience different styles of dominance, different from his style with me, which the two of them could provide.
Aside from his letter, Amanda told me that Master Michael is in touch with them every week or so by email, checking on me and, as she told me with a wink and a smile, “making sure Shae is behaving herself.”