q&a on writing

Questions on how I write.

What do you enjoy writing most: fiction or non-fiction (this blog)?

A great question. The simple answer is that it goes back and forth.

Writing the blog is a submissive experience for me. I am sharing my submissive mind, heart, body, and sex before a crowd of watchers and followers. It’s very intimate for me. Writing the blog pushes all my submissive buttons, which is arousing to me, yet also can make me feel exposed and embarrassed — submissive experiences. On this blog, my sub/sex life is public, being lived out in front of others. So it becomes an extension of my slavery. And I think Mistress and Master know that and is a reason they carve out a lot of liberty for me to do this. It serves their dominant purposes too.

I think writing the blog is good for me. I’ve just written about self-care, and writing online is a form of therapy in a way. I love doing it.

However, writing the blog every day, which I try to do, is also tiring. Well, it’s more that I get tired of myself, reading my own voice on the page over and over. So sometimes I need a break, and I spend more time on fiction.

Actually I’m writing fiction all the time, but I focus on it more at times when blog writing gets tiresome. Fiction pieces take a lot more to develop and are longer, so I post them infrequently. Actually I write a lot more fiction than I ever post. I also write fiction that has nothing to do with sex or D/s or this lifestyle. I like relational stories and have played with genres, including currently an espionage novel.

My lifestyle fiction allows me to play out scenarios I might not ever experience. (Though who knows? Never say never.) Many involve characters that are fragments of myself. Some are fantasies I actually have, or dreams I remember.

What’s meaningful to me in writing both my blog and my lifestyle fiction is to express the inner experience of submission and dominance and relationship within in those dynamics.

How long does it take you to write a blog post?

There are events I report on, experiences I re-experience, and then ideas within my day-to-day slavery that take more time to develop.

This morning the event was Amanda wanting to talk with me about self-care. Later in the day I wrote about it in roughly an hour. Then I walked away from it (well was whisked away by Master K), and came back to it later on. I remembered a few more things then, added them in, edited myself, then posted. Maybe two, three hours overall. But this is reporting something that is just literally what happened.

The experience, say for example, of my personal times with Mistress Amanda take more time, as I’m trying to convey not only the “event” of it but my inner feelings and experience of her, and of me and her in relationship. It takes a lot to convey inner feelings and the chemistry of relationships. Especially with her. (God, especially with her!) These posts may get a first draft in a couple hours but maybe take several more hours over some days to really deepen and enrich the truth of them.

Then there are idea pieces, such as my recent piece on self-care or my blog titled “slut.” These I often spend more time developing in my head than they take actually to write, so it’s hard to say. Sometimes they take more time because I am well aware I am giving advice to people out there and I want to be responsible and accurate in what I say. So these may take a couple hours for a first draft, but get worked on over and over for a number of days.

How much time each day do you write?

Many mornings I awaken early and write for an hour and a half before the day starts for Master and Mistress. There are exceptions to that, as sometimes they have early plans for me. But early mornings, between five and seven are the richest writing times for me.

I usually have time late morning to write and then some afternoon time to write. In the evenings I am usually filled (literally) by Master and Mistress but sometimes I have a block of time to write, though usually I’m too tired.

I look for blocks of two hours as choice segments for writing. Of course, Master and Mistress sometimes take me to work with them or use me (Amanda) during lunch hours or happy hours. I flex. But I usually find three or four hours each day to write.

There are days, maybe once every two weeks, when the stars align and I can write for much of the day. I love that.

What are the greatest challenges for you writing this blog?

I feel that my mission in writing this blog, my duty for myself and others, is to effectively express the deep, complex, and unique experience that a submissive lifestyle is. Doing that seems ever elusive and impossible, though I keep trying.

I am blessed with a good memory, especially when I am focused in an experience or when the experience is utterly intense for me. I don’t have a photographic memory, by any means, but I can play it back in some way. I remember really well what was said — I captue dialogue in my head — and I also remeber what my body feels, and my emotions in those moments. I cobble it together somehow.

But the elsuive goal is always capturing the essence of an experience. That’s always a daunting challenge.

I also feel challenged in understanding the dominant experience and motivation. I know my dominants enjoy seeing my submissive need, my helplessness, and my humiliation. But in writing I don’t really know what makes them what they are. Well, in life I don’t know what makes them what they are — they challenge and stymie me.

What’s your best strength as a writer?

God, I don’t know. I only hope that something I write is helpful or stimulating or arousing or meaningful. Something.

What’s your primary weakness as a writer?

I can get condescending and “preachy.” I work hard to rewrite and edit this out, Sometimes I just want to “tell” rather than “show.” Not good writing form.

What do you wish you could do on your blog but can’t?

I admire other bloggers who can write a short entry, even just a paragraph, that is meaningful, observant, and short and sweet.

I start writing and it’s just a profusion of words. It gets long. I’m too wordy. Sigh.

Do you have a particular approach to writing sex scenes?

I really don’t approach it as writing “sex scenes,” per se. Writing my blog, of course, it’s not a “sex scene” to me, but rather the sex I actually experience. So I recapture sexually and emotionally my own memories of it and try to render that in words.

My approach to writing fictional sex is really to put myself into the scene — what would I experience sexually? How would I respond? Usually my fiction is first person and the character is an extension of myself in some way, so that becomes easier.

But capturing the experience of sex in words is difficult for any writer.

One mistake some writers make is to try to show the scene literally. The more effective way to write sex is to write it as prose-poetry, using poetic language and evocative imagery. The point is to capture the experience of sex, not to depict the act of sex. There is a visual aspect to the scene, for sure, but that needs to be tied to feelings and meanings.

What’s the hardest thing for you to write about?

My own orgasms. Maybe orgasms in general, but especially my own. Maybe because it’s so utterly intimate, and writing about myself that way is so exposing.

I think we tend to think of an orgasm as a physical response, but it’s much more than that. The complex of emotion and sensation and desire and fantasy is almost impossible to capture in words.

Also, as women know, there are so many kinds of orgasms and they thrill different parts of our bodies to different degrees. My orgasm may sometimes be quiet and subtle, yet that’s not to say it’s not absolutely extraordinary. It happens that more often than not, I tend to be more physically obvious when I climax — my body expresses it — and that plays better on the page, but it’s not always a reflection of my core, of the depth of my climax.

In my blog, I try to be, and I think I am, truthful about my own sexual experience. But in fiction, there tends to be an obligation for the climax of the story to be the climax of the heroine. The come together, so to speak.

So this is complex. Much more to say about it all. But my own orgasms are very difficult to write about.

Do you write with attention to what gets you viewers of your website?

Truthfully, no, though I understand the temptation to do so. Others are good at that, but I’m not.

I have such little control of my own life and control of my writing times to pay attention to when others are tuning in. Some days I simply can’t write, because of my slave duties. I have no idea of how to “juice” the metrics of my blog. I have a following, which is gratifying, but I simply don’t have the ability or freedom to pay attention to the statistics.

I write because I want to write. I write about my life to express my submission and slavery. I don’t mean to sound particularly noble, but I don’t think much about numbers.

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