I often get questions from watchers, followers, and friends in person and on email that circle around this subject of my being a sexual object. I have written on this other times before, but the questions keep on coming, and sometimes my answers change a little given my ongoing slavery and my further experiences.
Is it your experience that you are viewed as a sex object by most people most of the time?
Yes. Not everyone, but many know what I am, and so they have that context for me. And that’s a kind of permission, I think, for them to view me sexually, that is, through a lens that interprets me as a sub-slave and sees me a woman who is kept to be sexual and used sexually.
I make a slight distinction between “sex object” and “sexual object.” (Maybe it’s just a nerd-word thing.) I think “sex object” is about people looking at me and imagining literally having sex with me. I’m not sure that’s so often true, but then, I don’t know, and you would have to ask them. But “sex object” leads one to think of the act of sex. “Sexual object” encompasses much more, suggesting a constant life of being sexual, whether or not sex is part of it — one who lives in an existence of sexual presentation and permission and play.
Do you think people in regular life, strangers who meet you, detect what you are and see you as a sexual object?
Amanda tells me they do. But I think she’s kind of saying that to make me feel more aware of myself that way. I don’t know.
I do think that over time in the lifestyle you are conditioned to react and respond in certain ways that are submissive in nature. You sit a certain way, walk and stand a certain way. You are more passive and open in non-verbal patterns. Normals don’t necessarily know what that comes from, but they notice. They might think “there’s something different about her” in a way they can’t pinpoint.
So maybe I’m an open book even to strangers. I don’t really know.
How do you feel about being seen and approached by people as a sexual object?
It’s a mix.
Much of the time, it energizes me and arouses me. It can be very fun and enjoyable for me. I think my pleasure in being sexually objectified comes from my submissiveness — I am fulfilled submissively by being made to be sexual and being presented in sensual and sexual ways.
Yet it is, contradictorily, a kind of humiliation, a reduction of “me” to my physical body and sexuality — say, like my serving drinks while topless. There is in that a feeling of shame, mostly that I am allowing that to be done to me. Yet for a sub-slave, humiliation and shame are often also rewarding and exciting and satisfying. So it can feel “bad” but also feel pleasurable.
This is the submissive’s paradox.
You can laugh, but a part of me feels that being sexually objectified is a kind of therapy I can provide to others. I don’t mean to get too full of myself in this, but I believe that we live in a culture where people are afraid of and ashamed of their own sexualities. So many people are paralyzed sexually. If by encountering me they have some moment of pleasure in me as a sexual object, and if it opens them up, then I feel I’ve done something good. (To tell a secret, I have thought that in another life, I would find great meaning and value in being a sex therapist.)
On the down side, there is always the regret I am not more appreciated for my “other” skills. Being a sub-slave is a reduction of worth, and as a submissive, you have let go of higher expectations when you enter the lifestyle. You do, but some of that still remains. Amanda does a good job of touting my abilities and interests, though she likes to delver it as a backhanded compliment — “Shae not only has great tits, she’s a fine writer too.” (She says that to tease me, but she does say it.) My point is that even though I know what my lifestyle requires, and I willingly embrace my sexualization, maybe ten percent of the time I wish for more.
Do you get tired of being a sexual object?
I think the training and conditioning of a sub-slave gives her a greater capacity for this objectification from other people. I have been conditioned in this way, and I can handle a lot of it. I have developed a higher need-tolerance for being objectified and sexualized. That wasn’t true before I entered the life.
But I know how it sounds to other women — I used to be one! — and this all sounds pretty ridiculous and impossible, if not offensive. But again, it’s the nature of the lifestyle and its culture and my special reality of being a deep submissive.
Even for me, though, there are down times. At times I feel exhausted by it, and even turned off by it. I have my cycles, biological and otherwise, like every woman. But my down times are more like ten percent of the time, at different periods, so to speak.
Can you say more about pleasure and shame in being made into a sexual object and being viewed that way by everyone?
There’s an important difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is about your own sense that you’ve done something bad. Long ago, I let go of my sense of this life as being wrong, as being sin. I just don’t believe that anymore. So I don’t think that being a sexual object, a woman of sensual and sexual identity, is a bad thing that I do. I have come to a point where I don’t have to overcome within myself a moral objection to it. So it’s not for me a feeling of guilt.
But shame is different. Shame is a sense of being judged publicly and socially, by others, as being bad in comparison. I feel shamed many times in the course of my submissive life. Being seen and treated as a sexual object is a kind of public humiliation, though, as I’ve said, there is pleasure and fulfillment in it too. I don’t think what I’m doing is wrong, but I am aware I am judged and looked down on by a social world — which believes that a normal (or good or respectable) woman does not do such things.
I have come to believe that feeling shame and humiliation in the sub-slave life are necessary and important. It will always feel this way to me, and it will always need to. That’s another subject entirely.
In being viewed by friends and strangers as a sexual object, I feel humiliated and shamed. Even as I enjoy it rather immensely.