Driving back after a short three days with Kevin, I spent some time in the car thinking about him and me, then wondering if other escorts think about any of their clients as “him and me” in the same way.
I thought about how, for a bisexual slave girl, this arrangement of being enslaved to a beautiful woman while at the same time being the personal escort to a man three hours away is kind of like perfect. And I wondered if Amanda didn’t know that from the beginning, and has intentionally made that into my life.
I thought about what my life would look like five years from now when I’m older. And then I quickly decided I didn’t want to think about that.
I thought about an article I read that said women reach their sexual prime in their mid-thirties. My age. I thought about how that makes sense to my current experience. I wondered if that’s why I’m wet almost all the time, or if it’s simply because Amanda sexualizes the hell out of me every frickin’ minute of my life.
I thought about what it will be like when I’m past my sexual prime, when I’m older. And then I quickly decided I didn’t want to think about that.
I thought about writing this blog and making sure that I balance the good times with enough bad times. I have my self-doubts, my frustrations, my depressions. This is a hard life. Do I represent all of that well enough?
I wondered about a time when slavery will end for me. Or become something else. Maybe a slavery that isn’t sexual. I quickly decided I didn’t want to think about that.
I thought about Amanda again. I think I spend half my waking hours and some of my dreaming hours thinking about how beautiful she is. And I then I thought about how she is older, like I will be in five years, and yet she is heart-breakingly gorgeous, and incredibly, wonderfully sexual.
I quickly decided I could bear to think about myself like that in five years. To think about being like her. And then I wondered if that’s what she has in mind too.
slave shae 
Interesting thoughts Shae…what about 10 years…20,….? Not sure mid 30s is your sexual prime. Is there a specific time or age? Maybe its attitude and physical and emotional health that determines it…
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thank you, naomi. I know there is so much else that goes into it. maybe it’s what we make it to be.
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I think that’s exactly right Shae!
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Sexual prime ? What is that? I know it’s different for men than women, a blend of desire, hormones, among other things. At 69 years, I have plenty of libido, but I think about what I wanted from sex when I was younger and what I want now. The common core needs are physical and emotional intimacy. I want the “good feeling”, the excitement, the euphoria, to be shared with my partner.
Oh, and children and a family That continuity of past, present and future that are the essence of families. I think of my father and mother, myself and my siblings, my children, great nieces and nephews, and maybe one day grandchildren, all possible because there was sex and the family that sex created. I know it’s off the wall and more than you planned on reading, but the complexity deepens, the older I become.
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David, many thanks. I know that’s right — about intimacy and relationship being most important, and the truer pleasure, ultimately of sex. thank you.
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Just trying to sort it out myself.
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So right David! I’m 81 and my partner is 67. I have only just discovered the joy and pleasure of sex! After a barren marriage of 50+ years.
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So much to say about it. Sex is so much more than the physical part which is incredible, but that emotional connection is the basis for so much.
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I’m 47 now and I still have the sex drive I did in my early 30’s. I’ve always had a high sex drive! I think what makes us hit our prime a bit later is we know our bodies, what feels good, how to please and we’ve dropped some (if not all) of the insecurity in our sexuality. There’s the hormonal stuff, too, but I think it’s way more than that. I have better sex at my current age than I did at 25 for a million reasons. Call it grace that our bodies age slowly over time, so there’s time to get used to it. lol Just this morning I saw a few things I’ve not seen before. I was shocked for a minute until I remembered that my Daddy thinks I’m the sexiest thing alive and He wants me all the time. 🙂
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thanks so much, this encourages me.
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🙂
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Don’t think you need to be worried about your ability to have sex, get wet and ready, my (mistress) or lover for more than 30 years is still wet and ready for sex. Maybe only once or twice a week, but I’m also the same age so …
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thank you, nudo.
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Thx to you, ok, we both had a down period while kids grow up, but sex is even better now.
Maybe you have heard about older women, “ they always think it’s last fuck and give all they have” a joke
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My sex drive waned significantly after the babies came. There was a lot of stress that impacted that. Now the kids are older and I experienced something like a sexual awakening. Or re-awakening. Several weeks, especially during ovulation, I almost compare myself to a teenage boy in terms of how much I think about sex! And this is me in mid life.
I would say my sex drive is higher now than it’s ever been (but I am also less fulfilled in some many ways, which may be a reason/cause for the spike in desire…I don’t know).
So…reading the comments above I would say each person is different and we are driven by different reasons, biologically and hormonally speaking, that make us unique.
You will cross that bridge when you get to it. For now, this is the life you have and live, and like.
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agreed — these comments are wonderful and encouraging. I appreciate hearing your experience here, Cassandra. we all are different and our bodies change in different ways. I am truly encouraged by your story. thanks.
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this was a partly unsaid point in a previous comment
In my flower of youth i was up for it all the time, but things have moved on, now not so much.
the critical bit is having a master who understands the female mind and body together—as mine does.
He knows perfectly well that I can’t ‘submit’ all the time—life isn’t like that in later years. At least not in the sense of physical activity.
But we can still fuck till sunrise, or do a weekender, but only if we are both up for it, we are well past middle age
we don’t set out with that in mind, it either happens or it doesn’t. It isn’t important. The general routine is that my body flashes its need, and he reacts. Doesn’t sound very ‘dommy’ I know. but standing over me with a whip won’t alter what my body/mind is telling me.—Its called life I’m afraid.
Sir is grown up enough to know that he can’t overcome basic biology.
30 years ago he didn’t have to. I could be kept tied up for hours, punished ‘severly’ for being a bad girl, and still fuck him senseless. (denying me drove him nuts anyway)
I still can, but we pick our moments these days. He still owns me.
All my writing is a reflection of my own life as a sub, with a few embellishments here and there
My advice is to find a master who has a grip on reality, otherwise you will lose your grip on reality
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francesca, thank you. so much in your words here are things I need to hold onto as my life in slavery progresses. you bring much wisdom. especially the idea of a slavery progressing, aging, and therefore changing over time, and the importance of a Master/Mistress who understands those changes. thank you!
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