side notes

I have written back to “Mr. Drake.” Amanda wants me to post that here, but we have to get his permission first. So we are waiting for that. We also expect he will contact Amanda directly. (Some have wondered if she and he have been communicating on this all along, but I don’t believe so.)

I’ve been asked by a few people how I feel about his email to me.

The fact — what I must live with — is that Amanda put me in this submissive situation with a dominant man. And he is responding appropriately to that — dominating me in it.

In addition to Amanda’s personal pleasure in doing this, part of her intent is to submit me to being “dealt with” by other dominants and experience how they treat me. It is a kind of training, and an opening up of my slavery unto the company of others.

I’m not saying this is easy for me. It does, however, touch me submissively, satisfying something within, albeit in its humiliating way. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say it’s satisfying because it is humiliating. Sister sub-slaves, you know what I mean. Hurts so good, and all that.

I know many D/s relationships are kept purely between the sub-slave and her dom/domme — nothing goes beyond that relationship and nothing includes other people. I think that’s perfectly fine and good.

But my slavery has always had the intention of being more open, shared, and public. Even so, while this has always been the idea, it’s stayed as more of a concept and hasn’t been practiced much. A little at times, but not widely so. But now Amanda’s starting me down this path.

One of my thoughts and feelings in this has to do with the status of being an adult and also submissive.

Amanda and I have maintained our relationship as adult women together, her adult to my adult. We have not defined roles as being my “submissive child” to her “dominant adult.” (I know other relationships are like that, and that’s fine — this is no judgment. Just saying, ours is not a relationship like that.)

With Amanda, it is more meaningful to us that I am submissive to her as an adult. Harder for me, but more real.

Now as I find myself in the situation of this exercise with a dominant stranger, my submission, even virtually by email, to his dominance affects me powerfully, again because I am an adult female submissive — and he is an adult male dom. It might be easier for me to be a “child” to him, as that would be my hiding inside a role. It is harder for me to tell him my sexual desires as an adult woman regarding giving men fellatio. Harder, but more submissively satisfying in a way. And probably more interesting for him.

More to think about, but these are some of the feelings and thoughts I’ve had so far.