submissiveness: a dialogue

He asks me to tell him what makes me submissive, what submissiveness is, how I understand it within myself.

I don’t really understand it myself, I say. I’ve been made a certain way, and it’s like being born with a defect, or more likely with a special asset. Maybe it’s kind of like having bigger breasts, I say, though submissiveness isn’t physical. Or akin to having a good memory for details, though submissiveness isn’t a mental, brain thing. But maybe it’s genetic, I don’t know.

He says it seems like it would be a personality type, or a set of personality traits. Maybe a submissive person is shy and quiet and timid and passive. That’s what I think, he says.

I say no, that isn’t true. I myself may be quiet at times, but otherwise I can be outspoken and talkative. Ask Amanda, who often just tells me to shut up. I am strong-willed in certain areas. I know other subs who are not passive. Some of the excitement, I say, between a dom and sub is in fact the strong will of the sub being tamed by the patient dominance of the master. Actually, a timid, passive submissive is not usually so interesting to a dominant.

I go on: Also true of a dominant, I believe. Doms are not always alpha types, not always leaders in business. A dominant might not be aggressive and assertive according to some personality stereotype. I think dominants tend to be inwardly confident, and they convey a desire for control. So there are some things like that. But they may be quiet and thoughtful… No, it’s not a personality thing.

OK, then, (my friend continues searching), is it a sexual thing?

Yes, I say. In a sense. I believe it’s a form of sexual orientation perhaps. I’m bisexual and also “sub-sexual.” It’s a kind of sexuality. A way in which I am drawn to people, and how others are attracted to me. But, to be clear, it’s not just a kind of sex. Not just about sex itself. And I’m not submissive only when I’m having sex. I am submissive also, I say, when I’m reading a book, or making coffee, or walking down the street. Submissiveness is something I experience in everything.

That’s really different, he says.

Yes, it is. And so the other thing is that people can detect I’m a submissive.

They can?

Yes. People know. I think maybe doms and other subs are especially attuned to it. They can know that about me without me even saying a word.

How does that make you feel?

Sometimes it is annoying. I don’t want to be that transparent. I don’t like that someone labels me that way right off. It can be a bit humiliating, for people to reduce me to a level right off. But also it is their way of knowing me. It is what I am, and I have long ago accepted it.

So does that make you submissive to them?

A little. Yes, it puts me in a submissive place with them. I am owned by Mistress Amanda, of course, so there are good boundaries for me, but in the moment of meeting people who identify me as a submissive, I often experience a form of submission to them.

Why would you choose a life like this?

Well, I have been made this way. That part I can’t choose. The question is whether I live a life that is true to how I’ve been made. That part I can choose.

And you did choose that.

Yes, I certainly did.

8 thoughts on “submissiveness: a dialogue

  1. You are right that other slaves and Masters, even mommy and daddy types, spot us immediately in the crowd. I can be extremely passive and am obsequious. What people who don’t own me don’t think about is how much more thoughtful you have to be when giving orders, because I will follow without thinking. Owners have to be careful about who they tell me to obey. They have to be aware and once they have total control then they want another that can be more of a junior peer. Point is that it’s not the advantage that people fantasize it is with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. essentially when we are submitted to a dominant, he/she conducts with us a process that breaks down our will. we are broken by them and remade into the slave they want. when we, then, are in the wild, so to speak, in public, we are vulnerable. we have little will of our own and a massive submissive nature within us. it’s not that we can’t think or act, but we are trained to obey. and sometimes it goes to obeying whoever detects us out there…. so, yes, it takes work for a dominant to maintain us safely out in the world…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes. It’s a rare enough problem that I have only encountered it and handful of times. Mostly people who are slaves and live as slaves are very type A personalities. The rest of us may have been born this way and trauma did the rest. It’s comforting to think your Mistress would easily spot me in any crowd or that we would be able to understand each other without speaking. 🦋


  2. love this line ” Submissiveness is something I experience in everything.” walking down the street and stepping aside to let others pass is something i just do. Never thought about its my submissiveness just naturally coming out.
    it is just built into our DNA and accepting makes it easier to live a life true to our being.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. we convey a lot more about ourselves than we realize… and yes, sindee, accepting it within ourselves is hard but ultimately satisfying and fulfilling. and I know not everyone can live it out literally, but you know inside what you are as a submissive woman, sindee.


  3. “Well, I have been made this way. That part I can’t choose. The question is whether I live a life that is true to how I’ve been made. That part I can choose.”
    This really really speaks to me.

    Liked by 3 people

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