It’s been decided that I will be going to visit Kevin again within the next few weeks.
Since I was last with him in February, he has been in touch with Amanda regularly and has called me about once a month. This is our established routine in normal times — to check in with Amanda regarding my schedule, then call me to arrange my presence and visit. During COVID, Kevin has faithfully continued these check-ins and calls, even though he knows I have not been able to travel to him because of state restrictions.
He talked with me late last week and requested me.
In fact, I am happy for this. I have missed him, being with him. Ours is an unusual relationship, no longer dom-sub, not traditionally romantic, yet personal and sensual. Of late, even given absence and distance, I have felt wed to him in a certain way, not in a matrimonial sense, but otherwise. I feel like I am a woman meant to be had by him. Which has given me a kind of longing.
I don’t presume to think he feels any of this toward me. I am his escort-companion, and his desire for me is more objectified and raw and sexual. That’s OK. It still is personal in its own Kevin way. I am one of his.
Back in January Kevin shared with me about other women in his life. I always knew he had his “others,” but I didn’t know about them so specifically. When I was told of them by him, I didn’t act jealous (I have no reason to be that way), but rather responded from the assumption that he deserved to have women in his life, deserved to be fulfilled sexually. I was content to be one of them.
After that, it was like he saw me differently. I was still his escort-companion that he would pleasure in, but he relaxed with me. It became more casual, less guarded. It meant there wasn’t this black hole of personal reality he’d had that we couldn’t talk about. It was a trust. That made our conversations easy and better. That was then. I hope we can pick up where we left off.
I think a trip for me to Kevin would be good for Amanda. She may need a break from me. Although if COVID time has revealed anything it’s that we are famously compatible and get along well in the closest, rarest conditions. Still, maybe this is good for her.
I must confess it has been a long time for me — that is, since a man has had me. I don’t mean that just sexually, but, yes, sexually too. I miss how a man handles me, both physically and emotionally. Amanda knows this. In that, in his style and manner with me, emotionally a man gets inside me. And then he gets inside me. This is what I miss deeply and crave. To make a point, this is what happened — or didn’t happen — with Blake.
When I talked with Kevin last week, I asked about one of his woman friends by name, as I knew he had, before COVID, been seeing more of her. But no, she had traveled to her home, to her parents, and sort of got stuck there because of state shelter-at-home and her mother’s health. And so, Kevin has not been with a woman for a long time, it seems.
We haven’t decided yet which week it will be. I will drive there, not fly.