random musing three

My submissive life is a constant struggle between humiliation and dignity.

I am property, owned by another, used by another, sexed by another. People know me this way and sometimes witness me this way. This is my humiliation.

I am also a woman of some substance, intelligence, and beauty. This is my dignity.

I know that, to dominants, my humiliation is sweeter because of my dignity. It is more compelling for one to possess and humiliate me because I have substance as a woman to relinquish. A dominant loves seeing my internal struggle as a woman of dignity finally giving in to her humiliation.

It is also true that as a submissive I find a satisfaction in being humiliated, although it’s not a pleasure like other pleasures. It still is shaming, especially in front of others — my dignity being stripped, sometimes literally. Yet in that is a strange fulfillment: this is what I am made to do and be.

For people to know this — that I am deeply pleasured by being humiliated — is itself humiliating. People see the reddening of my cheeks when they ask, “So you actually like it when…?” This becomes a circle, a spiral, humiliation begetting more humiliation, ultimately becoming fuller and more intense than an orgasm.

Afterward, I pick myself up and go searching for my dignity once again. I sometimes find it by writing blog posts.

11 thoughts on “random musing three

      1. Deep anticipation, subspace, the way you leave the body through mental and physical stimulation. Orgasms are great. They are also grounding. To become so naturally high that your awareness is both in and out of your body is much, much better.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. The idea of having to re-establish one’s dignity, as if putting clothes back on, was quite intriguing. It made me think long and hard about just how much of one’s self is put into the experience.

    Liked by 1 person

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