I wish I had entered the life sooner, when I was twenty-five instead of thirty.
I couldn’t have, of course, for back then I didn’t yet know the depth of my submissive need. I knew I was submissive and was exploring that, but it was still just “this curious thing” about myself. I was not yet aware that my submissiveness wasn’t just a part of me but the essential core of me.
So, I wasn’t ready for the submissive life in my mid-twenties, but I regret that I wasn’t. I further regret that my upbringing repressed and narrowly defined my sexuality such that it took me all of my twenties to find my submissive self.
It is my other regret that in my mid-twenties, I distracted myself with a real estate career. This, I know now, put my social life on hold and delayed my submissive self-discovery. There were benefits to being in business, but I realize now that the pursuit of a career was a way I avoided discovering and facing what I was.
It is this that I wish I had done differently.
I believe that “finding your submissive self” is something that must develop naturally in your life. You can’t rush it. And yet you can pursue it. You can read about it, you can talk with a lifestyle counselor about it, and you can put yourself in safe situations to taste it. You can determine to face it in the mirror of yourself.
This is not about a lifestyle but about understanding and accepting your special sexuality. It may be you go through this process and decide this is not the life for you. That’s fine. It may be that you discover you are deeply submissive and must live in a D/s life deeply and fully. That’s fine.
What isn’t fine, and what’s my regret, is to put discovering yourself on the back burner so that you never really know.
The point is you will be happiest when you are in the life you were made for.