random thoughts

“Random thoughts” means odds and ends I’ve been thinking but don’t have a mental file folder for.


In the occasional discussion of the D/s lifestyle and feminism, I think it may be overlooked that a good submissive is not a slave because she is weak but because she is strong.

This life isn’t for the faint-hearted.


I am realizing that when I write a blog post I do so for one of four purposes:

  1. Sometimes I write a blog post just for myself. When I started posting, it was literally an extension of my private journal, a kind of public glimpse into my inner thoughts and feelings. I think I’ve gotten away from that a bit, and maybe should return to it more.
  2. Sometimes I write it to inform others about what’s happening. These posts are informational — schedule updates about my life. They probably aren’t so interesting to most people, but I feel I sometimes just need to keep people up to date on me. Still, I don’t assume everyone is so fascinated with my life, and I think I probably do these kinds of posts too often.
  3. Sometimes I write to share my sexual experiences with readers. This is the real erotica of my daily life. I know my very private life, so shared, is enjoyed by many,
  4. Sometimes I write to express the meaning of being submissive and being dominated — or at least my search for meaning in it. This is sometimes my “counseling” voice, as I’m giving advice to submissives new to the life. But also it’s my own working-through of the submissive-slave labyrinth. I think these posts are important and usually interesting to others, although sometimes I feel I’ve already covered everything.

Summary: I think I should do somewhat more of #1 and quite a bit less of #2.


I’m currently in a life in which I am used sexually by three people on a regular basis. How did this happen? It contributes to a whole thing in me about being a whore.


What preoccupies me more and more is this sense of the passing of time. It’s been in just in the last couple of months that this has sometimes overtaken me.

I have been in 24/7 D/s slavery for five years. I’m in my mid-thirties. This sometimes sends me into a “what-the-hell-are-you-doing?” conniption moment.

I think the change has been a shift from the idea that D/s is something I “just want to experience in my life” to the idea that D/s is my life.

And will be forever.


Amanda has been extremely busy with work of late.

There are some company developments that are heaping more work on her, but I feel bad that this is just after she has eased me out of the assistant work. Both the company changes and my exit are her doing, of course, but she is now working more hours than ever.

Yet she loves her work.

I’ve offered her more of my time again. She says she has other resources now for the clerical work. Still I can’t help but think her loss of my hours has added to her workload.


A lot of thinking lately about a demographic bell-shaped curve in D/s.

My belief is that all people have some measure of submissiveness and dominance. Statistically, so I imagine, most people — the middle high point of the bell graph — are equally submissive and dominant, such that they cancel out in some ways. D and s are not anything those persons are able to detect.

Even as you go to the outer thirds of the bell — those who are more submissive or more dominant — the actual presence of D and s traits are not substantial enough in people to make them live any differently. Perhaps at this percentile is where people experiment in their bedroom lives, but it’s not expressed in other ways and really not a thing to them.

It strikes me that “actionable D/s” — the significant presence of submissiveness or dominance as a needed thing in someone’s life and prompting them to lead a life devoted to it in some way— may be as rare as a few percent of the population on either end.

Not sure this means much, except the notion that most of the world is normative, so most people don’t know what the hell we’re talking about.

4 thoughts on “random thoughts

  1. i for one enjoy all 4 points in your writing. I very much enjoy 4 as it gives me reason to think about why i am the way i am. You have a great ability to pit the right words to those feelings, thoughts while be bound or used or not used just sitting waiting.
    “the notion that most of the world is normative” is it really or is it repressed and all those “normals” are afraid of being true to their inner feelings and desires?
    Thank you for your wonderful blog

    Liked by 2 people

    1. sindee, I appreciate the input… and the encouragement. You make really good points about “normative.” I agree with you. I believe many people fall into “normal” because they feel they’re supposed to. They aren’t true to their inner selves. Great comment, sindee..

      Liked by 2 people

  2. 2. You know me, I’m a big fan of your writing. I like to get information about what is coming, and look forward to your deep thoughts and the job of interpreting your new words

    Liked by 2 people

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