notes to a younger me 7: choice

In D/s, what makes you profoundly erotic is that you have relinquished all choice. Your beauty as a woman without rights — a slave — thrills your Master and others who pleasure in your obedience and simple acquiescence to being humiliated. The radical act of ceding your choice to another is the foundation of D/s relationship and life.

I have come to embrace the idea of “Choice with a capital C.” When you enter the D/s slave life, you Choose (capital C) to relinquish your choice (small c) to someone else forever.

Sure, this may be pre-defined through negotiation, a contract, a list of boundaries — though I have observed that lengthy boundary lists are impossible for anyone to remember and even then cannot possibly cover all the possibilities that are part of even a single day of slave life. In any case, the core point remains — in your Choice to enter this D/s life, you let go of all the forthcoming choices in your life.

It’s worth considering this carefully. As submissives we revel in the ideas, the ideals, of what being a slave might feel like. All this sounds great! But daily D/s slavery is a harder reality. When I started living the life, I was shocked by what living without choice really felt like, the number of behavioral things I was required to do, and the many areas of life in which I no longer had the right to decide.

You get used to it, and in time it becomes your Normal. But it’s a significant change from vanilla life.


It’s been later in my slave life that I’ve come to an additional understanding: “You have a Choice to start it, and you have a Choice to end it.”

I was fortunate in my early slave years that I found myself in the service of a benevolent master, a later a benevolent mistress. I never encountered moments of danger or trouble, but it could have gone a different way and become destructive. Yet I have never needed to consider ending anything.

But not all D/s arrangements are benevolent. While you have a beginning Choice to relinquish all subsequent choices, the fact is you still hold one in your back pocket. This is the Choice to leave.

Of course, you cannot invoke this for lower-cased reasons. You will have down days, periods of struggle, times of rebellion. I’m not talking about that — you have to serve, have to obey, even when things aren’t rosy.

The Choice to leave is the nuclear option, so to speak, and it blows up your current life in such a way you cannot come back to it. But there are situations in which one’s master might be unstable, doing things that are illegal, acting dangerously, or beginning to Abuse you with a capital A. My line has always been “If my master is not responsible for himself, then he cannot be responsible for me.” Sometimes it’s necessary to leave.


I return to where I started: your erotic beauty as a woman without rights. However, know that people pleasure in you not because you have been without options but because you have given them up. They are fascinated by your obedience not because it is blind and robotic but because it is self-aware, committed, and sometimes hard. They lust for you not because you are mindless, but because you are smart and stand naked before them anyway.

Your Choice to relinquish all choice can be a very beautiful thing.

5 thoughts on “notes to a younger me 7: choice

  1. Thank you for the clarification. I have a better idea of what the D/s and M/s relationship is all about. My DM (divine masculine) had asked me at the beginning to be in a D/s relationship with him. It never got off the ground because I did not know what that really meant and the tests he set out for me to accomplish, I failed.
    Thank you again for your post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m glad if my post is helpful. I think the thing to know is that relinquishing choice is the important core of D/s and M/s relationships, but also it needs to be offered and accepted responsibly… sorry that relationship didn’t work out. but sometimes they don’t work out because they aren’t supposed to. thanks for your comment, summerhilllane.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. “They lust for you not because you are mindless, but because you are smart and stand naked before them anyway.”

    To me, this is the most intriguing part of the D/s relationship. Almost everything about human instincts leads us to “be free” and embrace our ability to choose. Knowing this and still making the conscious and educated decision to go the other way is truly the definition of the road less traveled.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

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