notes to a younger me 9: being known

You will likely become known by others for what you are — a submissive living a slave life. You may think it will remain private, just between you and your Master, but apart from marriage D/s, it rarely does. For one thing, your Master will want to share his toys — or at least share the knowledge that he has this toy, you. After all, he’s alpha. You won’t stay private for long. For another thing, full-time slavery is hard to disguise and hide over time. He’ll have you in a collar; he’ll dress you in obvious ways. Being 24/7 inevitably exposes you to the awareness of others.

The point is that you will become known as a slave in a D/s lifestyle. Are you ready to deal with what other people think of you?

Some people will not quite understand what a “submissive life” means and therefore will not understand you. They will vaguely know that you live in “servitude of some kind” to this man, but are not married to him, and that it’s sort of a “BDSM” thing, you know, and “why would anyone do that?” And in their confusion about you, they may become more distant from you. I have experienced this. You too will find your submissive life is cryptic to a lot of people and that they will marginalize you. You’ll be misunderstood.

There will be some who know more of what a D/s life means and what you are, but they will judge you for it. You are “setting back the cause of women” or you are “selling your body for money” or you are “psychologically troubled” or you are, you know, “basically a whore.” Handling the judgments of people isn’t easy. One thing I hear from time to time is, “You’re throwing your life away,” and that’s for me the hardest judgment of all. I can blushingly endure being called a whore better than I can handle the thought I am wasting my life. But keep in mind something: part of what it means to be your master’s slave is to receive these humiliations and to submit to being judged. He will appreciate that you cope well with being judged and being assigned in people’s minds a lower level of social status.

There will be those who know exactly what you are and are not judgmental. This you’ll find to be a relief, for you won’t need to explain yourself or define your life for them. These people know. And yet, the downside is that they know. They know you are your master’s property, and they know you are walked about on a leash, and they know you are often humiliated in front of others, and they know you are used sexually. They know you are a slave. What’s sometimes difficult about this is that it’s all true.

So the first question I pose to you is whether you are committed enough to a life of slavery to endure being known in these ways as a submissive-slave.

The second question is if you have a friend or two who know what you are and don’t judge you for it. As I write this to you, I write it to myself, for I don’t have that in-person friend who gets it and gets me.

Someone needs to remind you from time to time that you are remarkable and beautiful for sacrificing your will to another, for having the courage of living your submissive life out loud.

14 thoughts on “notes to a younger me 9: being known

    1. Thank you… I guess in my writing I am trying to express the beautiful complexity of being a slave as I experience it. It tends to be misunderstood at a superficial level, and I hope I can deepen people’s understandings…. again, I just want to say I really appreciate your commenting on my posts. thank you…

      Liked by 3 people

  1. I need to second the above comment — your words are quite literally my inspiration; shining light on new-to-me frontiers of what can be. Your courage is seen, felt, and so deeply appreciated.

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    1. tacit, thank you so much! really nice to get a comment from you… yes, it sometimes takes some courage to be open about myself on her, but I enjoy it too, and it’s rewarding. Glad it’s of some inspiration to you.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. It amazes me, here you are talking about Master, and his toy. Is this intimate and honest post about Kevin as Master and his treatment of you?
    Where is she ?
    Slavery, being a slave. is often negatively charged.
    Now, in just over a year with Amanda and Shae, I have gained insight into a world where slave holding is “common” in certain circles.
    You are a proud person, you have attitude, straight back even if it costs.
    Glad I discovered you “slave Shae”, you are wonderfully adorable, you should never doubt that. As your friend, lean on me when you need.

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  3. Thanks, Nudo… In these posts I am writing to myself at a younger age before I knew Amanda or Kevin. Most new submissives will likely be taken by a male dominant, a master. So I refer to “master” in her world back then.

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  4. That last paragraph is rather unfortunate, from my point of view, in that it preempts my comment to you. But, yes, I find you beautiful in spirit, heart, and character. I expect you’re physically beautiful, as well.
    As regards becoming acquainted with your neighbors, many vanilla individuals who have not been exposed to the reality of the BDSM world would find you somewhat irregular, even weird. For some, continued exposure to you would ameliorate that, once they’ve had the opportunity to look beyond their own preconceptions of any kind of alternate lifestyle. Many will not be able to see beyond their own conformist attitudes.
    But, it’s likely that your neighbors do not share that affliction. I believe that those living on your mountainside likely have a common desire to avoid, for whatever reason, the relative conformity prevalent in American suburbia. An invitation to tea is an excellent first step. Those so inclined may accept, and those who just want to be left alone have the opportunity to politely decline.
    As regards “wasting your life,” it is, first and foremost, your life. None of us are required to accomplish anything in this life. It would be wonderful if none of us were ever harmful to, or a burden upon, others. But, what I wish for you is quite simple: happiness. If you are able to help others along the way, marvelous. If you find yourself in a position to render a major contribution to all humanity, even better. Others may be unable to comprehend what makes you happy, but it is not your responsibility to enlighten them, much less accommodate them.
    As regards those who might find you weird….they’re correct. You are open and honest about who you are, what you are, and what you want. Yeah, I’d have to say, in this world, that’s at least irregular, if not downright weird.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. silkenlash, thank you for these rich and thoughtful comments. I agree with you in all and you’ve given me much to think about… A few responses: I think your sense of many people’s reactions to me as “weird” is probably very accurate. My background, as you have read, is one of growing up in a conservative religion, in a community that was morally judgmental, so I tend to default to that in my assumptions. But I agree many would not be judgmental like that as much as just quizzical, thinking of me weird and our lifestyle strange. They might vaguely be familiar with this as “that Fifty Shades thing,” but they still wouldn’t imagine anyone actually living in it full-time. As you say, they’re correct, I am weird (and I’m OK with that)… One thought about our community here: Colorado was the first state to legalize marijuana, and it has a very high percentage of independent voters. It means that there are many people who tend toward being libertarian, especially in mountain towns and communities. So you are right in your assumption. All reason to think many of our neighbors will be open-minded about our lifestyle. I guess we’ll find out… Then re “wasting my life,” thank you. I don’t know why, but there’s something in me that’s driven that way, prompting a sense of productivity and contribution as important to meaning. It helps me to hear what you say. I think I need to do some work in my own way of thinking about that… All to say, silkenlash, wow, and many thanks for all these good thoughts…

      Liked by 3 people

  5. Shae, I have just found your blog (thanks nora). I love the descriptions of your life. I am weird too, in a different way, but as a result I understand. I am sorry that you do not have an in-person friend that understands. Thank you for sharing.
    xx Mark

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you, Mark. I’m so glad you’re following and watching. now that we’re a little past COVID here, I am making it more of a goal to seek some outside relationships, and perhaps find a good friendship. thanks for your good wishes in that.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m happy to say it: You are remarkable and beautiful for sacrificing your will to another, for having the courage of living your submissive life out loud! I admire you for it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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