When you enter the D/s life, you have to accept a lower status. It’s very important how you understand this and how you cope with it.
In one way, “lower status” refers to social status. You will be kept at a level beneath others in the social world you occupy. Your slavery will eventually be known and it will be looked down on. You will be made subservient to people you don’t know, and you will be diminished in standing and in others’ perceptions.
In another way, “lower status” refers to your relationship with your master. You are not his wife, nor his girlfriend, nor one of his buddies. You are “something other,” a slave to be used. He may at times treat you at what seems a higher level — say, talking with you as a friend — but do not swoon in that too much, as he will return you soon enough to the lower level of his slave, which is where he will most of the time keep you.
In yet another way, “lower status” refers to your identity. You are property in this world, property owned by him. This is more than words, and will be something you experience directly — you will feel like one of his possessions. It isn’t so bad, really, being in the same category of his car or truck or the couch in his living room. Your submissiveness will thrill in providing utility and delight in being used. Yet the challenge comes when he is finished and sets you aside. That’s the difference between being a possession versus being a significant other.
In yet a further way, “lower status” refers to you sexually. You are in his life to provide him his sexual pleasure when he wants it, in the way he wants it. But again, you are not his lover — not at that high a level — but rather his sex toy. You will develop feelings for him, because you cannot do sex without committing your heart, but in the intercourse of things, you will still just have the status of a sex toy.
Your lower status in this life in all of these ways will be humiliating to you. Because you are an extreme submissive, at the very same time they will be thrilling to you. Yet the slave life of lower status is difficult, and sometimes it confuses your thoughts about yourself. This is the paradox and the life of being an owned submissive.
Remember that in all this, you are special to him — precisely because you accept your lower status in his life. You embrace being used by him, and frankly, few other women in the world can do that. Your inexhaustible submissiveness is what gives him dominant joy, such that no other social group or vanilla lover or buddy or car or couch can give him.
You must still recede into the lower status of his life. But hold on to the truth that for him there is no one else like you.
4 thoughts on “notes to a younger me 11: status”
The last sentence of this post really struck me, and for what it’s worth, I think you’re right. I have been fascinated with BDSM for quite some time. It’s truly a fantasy of mine. I don’t have a sex slave. But for Amanda, Kevin (kinda) and Master McKenna, they are truly fortunate to have you as their sex slave. I know you are much more that that. But they all must sincerely believe that there is no one else like you. They are all fortunate that you have chosen to offer yourself to them. They are the lucky ones.
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Thank you, CJ… Yes to all you say, although I admit I am still learning about the life of being a sex slave. But not as a struggle to live in that space — I accept my place of receding into the lower level, and that feels natural to me, but I’m learning about how to “be” in that objectified and available state of being with others. Thank you for the compliments. I too am lucky for being dominated by good people.
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If you ever write a book, I definetely buy it. It is what you have to say – but also how beautiful you tell it. Thank you very much.
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You are so kind… Thank you!
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