being shared

At various times Amanda has spoken her wish to share me sexually with others. It isn’t usually the point of discussion, but something she glibly throws in to a conversation: “Mr. Smith just lost his wife,” she might be saying to me, “and he’s suddenly alone now. He’s VP in Apex Corp, you know… I think I might give you to him sometime… He also has an interesting startup business on the side. I was talking with him the other day…”

It’s not one specific “Mr. Smith” but other “Mr. Smiths” as well — business and lifestyle people Amanda speaks of in casual terms, dropping me into her commentary as some possible sexual provision to these acquaintances.

I know very well this is part of her psychological dominance of me, though my knowing doesn’t minimize its effect. It puts me in a submissive space, making me aware of my slave status and sexual purpose. I respond by acquiescing in the conversation, sometimes saying something like, “Do you think Mr. Smith would like me?”

This would just be word play except she I and both know she would actually do this. Better said, she will actually do this. Sharing me with others promises her the ultimate satisfaction of dominance, and that’s why she will pursue it. Her words about giving me to someone for a night may sound casual and flippant, but they actually carry a lot of gravitas, because it’s so very possible.

In a way, this was what happened with Master McKenna. He had a dominant need, and Amanda provided me to him. Now I was not purposed to him for sex — rather, just for sex — as he had a need for someone to train submissively and Amanda felt I needed more dominant attention, male treatment specifically. So this arrangement with Master McKenna fulfilled her desire to help a friend and deepen my slavery, but also satisfied her unique pleasure in putting me in a sexual place with someone else.

Of course, Master McKenna is different from what Amanda intends with the ubiquitous Mr. Smiths. She wants to give me to the Smiths sexually, not as a slave but as a sex object and toy. Also, she doesn’t intend my sharings to be more than one occurrence with each man — it will not be ongoing.

I know Amanda will not execute this as casually as she talks about it. I know now that the arrangement with Master McKenna was many months in the planning. I expect that when Amanda eventually does share me with the various Smiths, she will arrange it to feel impromptu, sudden, and unplanned — when in fact she will have spent days and weeks arranging it.

She has also said that I already “have plenty on my plate for now” with Master McKenna and Kevin in my life as they are. I think she took significant notice of my mental meltdown a month ago and knows I can get overloaded. At the same time, she knows my issue then was not with those men in my life or their requirements of me, but with my perfectionism, which is another subject to be written about sometime.

There’s another aspect to this. Amanda’s ultimate pleasure would be in watching me with someone else. She wants to be in the room.

I’m sure some of this is simply the satisfaction of seeing the outcome of her “philanthropy,” watching a man unwrap the gift, so to speak. But it goes further: by her own admission, watching me in the act of being sexually used is Amanda’s own deep kink. It would satisfy her dominance, knowing that I am submitting to another man for her pleasure, but also her prurient interest in watching her lover being sexual with a random “stranger.”

However, I’m not sure if it’s harder to get “Mr. Smith” to agree to Amanda in the room, or easier. How does that work? Would he be self-conscious about a woman watching him with me?

So far, this is simply talk, although, as I said, talk with some measure of possibility. Even just as a conversational element, it does its work on me, emphasizing my status as Amanda’s sex slave. I feel it. I enjoy it. I am humiliated in it. I savor it. All of the above.

5 thoughts on “being shared

  1. I really admire how she keeps you in a submissive headspace with these sorts of comments. She has shown you that she will follow through (for example, with Master McKenna) and so you know it is not idle talk. Delicious 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Your last paragraph reminded me of an episode of the Starz original series The Girlfriend Experience. In Season 2 the story revolved around a woman who hired and eventually fell for a high end call girl. In one episode our woman watched her “girlfriend” get fucked by a man while she instructed him exactly how she wanted her “girlfriend” to get fucked. The “girlfriend” never broke eye contact with her female lover while listening to her tell the man to fuck her harder and to cum in her mouth. The episode might be right up Amanda’s alley.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This makes for a very interesting game of mental chess. When most men thinking of a sexual experience involving two women, we see ourselves as being the one in charge. In you scenario, Amanda is clearly the puppeteer and by extension the one in charge of both you and “Mr. Smith”. I could see that being a challenge for most men. The question is whether it would be enough of a challenge to impact performance.

    I did wonder how the idea of one or more Mr. Smiths plays to your self-described promiscuous nature. Does the idea of a lack of familiarity with the participants enhance or detract from the pleasure of the experience? Are the two thought processes even connected?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dave, thanks — good thoughts. You may be right that some men would not want Amanda watching. Do you think maybe that’s a specific kink for certain men?.. To your question (a very perceptive one), yes the multiple Smiths idea does play to my promiscuous dynamic, and the two processes are very much connected inside me… For me, there is shame in being known as promiscuous, and the prospect of being with strangers sexually is in some sense a definition of being promiscuous. At the same time, the idea of being promiscuous is extremely arousing to me, I must admit…. The lack of familiarity with a stranger would enhance my sexual experience, but not necessarily for the sex itself, rather for the idea of being used sexually by someone I don’t know. Thanks, Dave. I might adapt this question for the “retreat q&a” I am putting together now — OK with you?

      Liked by 1 person

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