I think I shall make this the last of my “weekend posts,” with some of the recorded interview content to come later, when it becomes available.
I’ll just say briefly that there was one late session Monday night — an evening chat with bourbon and scotch and cigars. Master had me there even though nothing actually involved me.
He made me topless for it and had me sit on the floor next to him as he sat in his leather chair. Amanda was not with us for the evening, and so it was just me with six dominant men.
One has feelings in this.
Certainly the dominance in the room was substantial, calling out my “deep submissive.” I had nothing to do that night, just had to sit in my objectification, allowing myself to be viewed in my slavery by dominant men. This became a fairly immense subspace I crawled into for most of the evening.
There was also sexual feeling, a lot of it, quite frankly. I’m sure each of the men there, talking through the haze of cigar smoke, saw me in my bare-breasted, short-skirted corner and, in some mind space, had sex with me in different ways. Yet that in itself was not much different from the rest of my slave life, as I live more and more publicly in front of others.
But I realize have to come to terms with the fact that the idea of being with multiple men sexually is somehow appealing to me. Well, “appealing” is such a euphemism there. Yes, it’s much more than that. I have my own sexual thing here, it seems…
Anyway… no sex actually happened Monday night. Just a lot of wishful thinking.
The Tuesday morning sessions marked the end of the retreat.
Again Master had me topless and in a collar, heels, and short skirt. Each time, by the way, he had me take my top off in front of everyone — there was something about my undressing in the room with them watching that he wanted. Not sure why.
Master led a very brief session on bondage. Master made the point that when people think of this lifestyle, they immediate think of bondage scenes, and yet that’s not the real essence of D/s. “If anything has come through this weekend,” he said, “I hope it’s that D/s is a serious lifestyle that’s played out in real life. Bondage can be a part of it, but ultimately, it’s not what it’s about.”
There was further discussion on discipline and punishment, and how those are usually different from bondage.
Amanda had joined us again, and she spoke of how she has retrofitted the house to accommodate “lifestyle bondage,” as she put it. She described the entryway wall, having me stand against a wall in the Great Room to demonstrate. She also brought everyone around the bar on the other side of the Great Room and had me pantomime my position when locked into our wet bar at home.
After a break, Amanda spoke on the subject of public play. She talked about our neighbors and teatimes, her efforts to normalize our lifestyle in the neighborhood. She mentioned public places, parks, and the difference between meaningful public display and random public exposure. She emphasized the responsibility of the dominant to control such public scenes.
The final session of the morning was a discussion of “next steps” for each of the men. I thought this was very good. Master posed three questions to the men, something like:
- After this weekend, do you see yourself as truly being dominant and living a dominant lifestyle? He emphasized there was no shame in coming to the conclusion this isn’t for you.
- What is your long-term goal for satisfying your dominance? Owning a slave girl full-time? A part-time arrangement? Occasional adventures with a submissive?
- What are the practical next steps for you to achieve your goal?
There was talk about another retreat next year, perhaps a follow up with these same men.
Later this week, Amanda tells me (feedback from Master McKenna) that all of the men there had been energized by the retreat and had been given the incentive to pursue some form of the lifestyle. She says that seeing me mastered by Master McKenna was frequently one of the things helpful to them.
“Of course,” she says, “they all want you specifically. They want you to be their slave.”
“But they can’t have me,” I say.
She doesn’t answer, which is a tease.
I repeat: “But they can’t have me… right?”
Amanda smiles and finally relents: “No, I won’t let them have you.” She adds: “As their slave, anyway.”