subspaces

Lately, I’ve been aware that I have different kinds of subspace — it seems to have a different qualities at different times.

Another way to say it is that, for me, there isn’t just one subspace but multiple subspaces.

For those outside the lifestyle, I’ll try to define “subspace,” although it differs from person to person. In general it’s a mental orientation, an altered state, an out-of-body experience. It’s sometimes considered “a natural high.” I experience it as something like a daydream. I have read that there is physical science around this — chemicals and endorphins releasing, causing the mind to respond by going into a different experience of the reality.

If this sounds scary or other-worldly, it isn’t. Nor is it dangerous. It’s natural, much of what our minds do in dreaming at night.


For me, one flavor of subspace seems to happen in a situation of an overload of pleasures, either submissive or sexual (or both). In my D/s life, my submissiveness is just as intense a feeling as my sexual experience. When both happen at once, it almost always is more than I can naturally consume. And it opens up for me a subspace.

An example of this is when I’m with Kevin in the bondage room. He has me tied to the bondage horse, putting me in an extreme domination, thus tapping into my submissiveness. Eventually, Kevin mounts the bondage table and pushes his cock into me, which combines my intense submissive pleasure with intense sexual pleasure. It’s overwhelming, and a subspace opens up for me.

This subspace is where I “go” to be able to absorb what I’m in and what is being done to me. At least that’s how I understand it.


A second kind of subspace is less orgasmic but intense in a different way. It happens when I am made to be deeply submissive in a certain social situation. It is not physical or sexual, simply submissive. In such a case, I find myself distanced from much of what is going on around me, but focused on that one thing that prompts me, or controls me, submissively.

One example of this was Saturday morning, in the aftermath of my mini-rebellion. I had risen up oh so indignant, and Amanda had handled me, putting down my little insurrection, conquering me. I stood then for a while at the bay window deep in my submission. In this case, my subspace room was muffling the sounds of everything around me, letting through only Amanda’s voice.

I became deep focused on her and nothing else. In fact, several times Patricia said something to me and I didn’t hear her even though I was just a few feet away. Amanda had to repeat Patricia’s query to me — then I heard it.


Yet a third subspace for me is when I’m in the reality of intense objectification — being viewed, ogled, by strangers as a sexual object. For some reason, I experience this subspace as a sort of “floating,” like I am drifting in the air above, able to be seen but separate from it.

A good example of this was at the retreat when I was made topless in front of the five dominants. Eventually this became my usual display to them over the second and third days, and I became more capable of it. But the very first times, it put me in a kind of floaty subspace.

My problem here was that I still had to pay keen attention to what Master McKenna was saying. I managed, but in the moment it was not really about my nakedness or about my subspace but about staying coherent enough to respond when spoken to.


More about that last point: subspace often renders me speechless and incoherent. It seems to separate me from being able to form words. Imagine a scenario in which Amanda is fingering me to orgasm and in the midst of it tells me to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I would not be able to do it. Likewise in some of my subspaces, I become sub-verbal.

Of course, this is exactly where my domme and dom would like me to be a lot of the time — so submissive in body and sex that I literally cannot speak. Well, to be fair, they both like my wit and words, so they want the coherent Shae sometimes. They like the experience of me as an intelligent adult woman whom they can with their dominance reduce to incoherent babbling.

Ultimately, I think they prefer Shae in her subspace, illiterate in her submissive responses.


There is a fourth kind of subspace, I think.

I said before that subspace is natural and not dangerous, but this one is. It’s a space of complete dissociation. Psychology defines dissociation as a complete separation from reality, often leading to identity disorders and fugue states. Counselors guard against this, and my therapist Jillian checks in with me about this all the time.

I am no expert, so take my thoughts here with grains of salt.

But I think that most subspaces are not dissociations but ways in which the submissive mind filters and focuses reality. My mind is not saying “I don’t want to be here so I’ll create my own completely different reality” (dissociation). My mind is saying, “My submissive being wants to be here but needs to filter out that which is peripheral in order to more deeply experience my submission” (healthy subspace).

Subspace is not a break from reality, but a deeper presence within it.

Or so I think.

Agree or disagree… I welcome the comments of others with such experiences, as well as of those who have a greater knowledge of this than I have.

6 thoughts on “subspaces

  1. Dear Shae, this is another wonderful and educational post. Thank you. I had never considered different types of sub-space. I think that I have only experienced one type, though the triggers may be varied.

    I have definitely been triggered erotically. I also get triggered by giving to Mistress. Physical punishment combined with caresses also consistently works. And lastly, acts of service or being given an order by Mistress is almost instantly triggering.

    What I think I am saying is that the nature of sub-space stays the same, but how I get there can be in all these different ways–which is quite similar to what you describe.

    How does sub-space feel to you? You describe it as a heightened sense of reality. What does that feel like?

    What happens to me? I get a feeling quite literally that I am being flooded by juices–hormones, neurotransmitters, emotions…and I become spiritually, emotionally, and physically aroused. I feel like becoming very small and concentrated on the one hand, safe and cherished, but on the other it is like I can fly, and I do fly, I dart like a spirit around the room, swirling around the person who takes me there, caressing Her soul, caressing her Spirit, worshipping her, letting all of us touch. I want to be swallowed by it, to melt into Her, and to just vibrate like a sea of atoms in sync with her own.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a very interesting post, Shae. I’m aware of different feelings around subspace, though I’ve never really thought of them as different in any way, they just exist, they’re just subspace to me.

    I do understand the sexual high that you mention, though I think, for me, that comes more from being spanked. Initially, I get very angry during a spanking, then I just surrender and concede to it, I accept it. I fall quiet and allow it to happen. Neither here nor there, just an existence.

    The “high” you mentioned I have definitely experienced, and actually it had nothing at all to do with Matt – it came from an ASMR video (I wrote about it in my post “09th July 2021 – A Vicarious Vampire”, if you’re interested. The morning after the night before, I just couldn’t care about anything. It was almost dissociative in a sense, but a nice dissociation instead of the frightening dissociation that sometimes comes with living with an anxiety disorder. It always makes me giggle when people think I’m weird or prudent for not wanting to smoke cannabis and get high. If they only knew…

    The hyperfocus which you mention, I often equate to being hypnotised. In order to understand it though, I think people really need to understand what hypnosis is. Hypnosis – unlike the staged stuff where the hypnotist snaps his fingers and the hypnotee wakes up, struts around and clucks like a chicken – is really just an altered state of consciousness. In hypnosis, you are focused only on the hypnotist’s voice, you are in full control and you are free to break out of hypnosis at any time. In a similar way, our hyperfocus on our Dominant’s voice, I think, is a mixture of conditioning and hypnosis. They are often the voice of reason and logic, and so when they start talking – whether it’s complete sense or absolute balderdash- we tune out from the world and we focus solely on them.

    I think for me, perhaps there fourth subspace comes almost exclusively from flogging or sensation play, It’s almost gluttonous, relaxed, like one would be if they spoiled themselves to an indulgence. For me, a shoulder massage for stress is OK, but a flogging is a thousand times better. A pinwheel for me also feels good to the point of being too intense and usually I groan, again, as one would if they received an especially satisfying massage or stepped into a warm, deep, bubbly bath.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts on this analysis. Please take good care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Helen, you offer so much good stuff here… thank you… so much to ask about and talk about… Agree with you on all, as far as I understand it… I read your ASMR post with great interest. Yes, I think ASMR is a parallel to subspace, or a form of it, and hypnosis is an excellent example I hadn’t thought of. I might add to the list certain kinds of meditation, perhaps… I think in all these ways our minds process and put into place what we’re experiencing… And I get what you’re saying in the last paragraph about the relaxation of being flogged. Mostly it’s been Kevin who flogs me (although Master McKenna is starting to do so with me now). I always think of “physical discipline” as needing to have a “meaning” or purpose, ultimately as punishment or toward a sexual end. But as you mention it, I realized I have experienced, by Kevin’s hand, flogging to be soothing and “familiar” in a comforting way. I just hadn’t considered it till you wrote this.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shae, I’m so sorry I didn’t reply to your comment sooner. I’ve been bombarded with spam comments the past few days so I’ve been busy trying to work out how to stop or reduce them. I’ve managed it now, I think.

        Your thoughts on ASMR are very interesting, but I can see how that might be. The creator is in an essentially Dominant role, so I can see how you would see that.

        What I refer to in my last paragraph is sometimes called cathartic flogging, though anything can be cathartic and it’s certainly not only flogging. As you say, it’s not for punishment or sexual pleasure but rather for emotional release. It can be soft or intense, but it is always different. Once you know it, it becomes that third happy place. Catharsis is truly magical.

        And please, any questions, feel free to ask. If nothing else, if I think they’ll take that much explaining, I’ll just turn them into a whole post 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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