I know I’m in a new phase of life with Mistress Amanda.
I’ve written often about her goals and eventual strategies for me, quite recently in fact, so what is happening is not brand new or unexpected. But after a long cocooning, just me and Mistress, she now can put into action what she’s wanted to all along — the socialization of my slavery.
I am realizing I have to come to terms with this more than I have.
Being made half naked at the trash pit Wednesday was a touch of the kind of thing she wishes to do — and often. We will have the neighborhood barbecue in August, which will present me in my slavery to a greater degree, all yet TBD. There was Master McKenna’s retreat, with apparently more of that to come. I am shared with Kevin, and while he’s someone I have known before, it still has the feeling of a “public sharing.” And more of all of this kind of social exposure-experience is coming…
This is her pleasure, the further realization of her dominant need.
It is not that these experiences are abhorrent to me or traumatic. A deep part of me thrills in them. I am buzzy afterward. But on the face of it, I somewhat resist being publicly exposed and socially enslaved, and I find it a mental challenge to enter into it. Even now, after nearly six years of lifestyle slavery, I wrestle with what people will think of me.
Yet, deeper down, I want it too. And very much, actually. Amanda knows this, and she forges ahead, sort of bypassing my top-level hesitations, and going to that deeper level straightway. She just plans these things and orders me to do them. And I obey, despite my reservations. Later, sitting in a puddle of submissive fulfillment, I’m glad she made me do it.
Again, I’ve understood all of this before — that is, I’ve known this is who Amanda is and what she desires. Nothing here is a surprise.
But I think my acceptance of it so far has been a mental understanding and not so much yet a physical and emotional embrace.