I have noticed…

… that I have for a while now referred to my leash instead of the leash. It is my leash not in the sense that I own it but in the sense that it’s a part of me. My lips, my breasts… and my leash.

… that while I was never uncomfortable with Master McKenna, I now feel in a kind of pleasing rhythm with him. Maybe this is because his expectations are more fully clear. Or maybe it’s because he is fucking me.

… that Amanda does things one-off. That is, she tries things once — baring me to the trash men, making me wear chains from my labia while grocery shopping — but doesn’t go back to those things again. Once done, they bore her.

… that I am more often now, of my own choice, wearing a collar to bed. I have begun feeling naked without a collar on. I like the weight of it. It’s somehow a comfort at night.

… that I am strangely okay with the idea Amanda will present me topless to the neighbors at the barbecue this weekend.

… that my occasional meltdowns are somewhat predictable. They seem to operate on a schedule, every so many months. It’s like there’s one little unsubmissive piece of me that lies dormant for so long, then has to speak up and protest. It does its little rebellion rant, then goes on mute once again.

…that I really like it when in a public place, Amanda comes to my side, puts her arm around my waist, and whispers something explicit into my ear, usually about how she wants to watch me with someone else. She likes seeing me blush and get all freckly.

5 thoughts on “I have noticed…

  1. These are all wonderful things to notice! I am intrigued that you are wearing a collar to bed more often and that this is initiated by you. I am curious…do you and Amanda ever sleep in the same bed at night, or are you always in your room?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. nora, in general Amanda’s use of a collar on me is whimsical — sometimes she puts me in one, sometimes not, according to her moods. she sometimes *hasn’t* wanted me to wear one at night, for concerns that it will prevent me from good sleep, and she doesn’t want me sleepless and dragging the next day. however, it seems it doesn’t bother my sleep much, if at all. so collar nightwear is something she specifies more often. the point is that more often now I ask her if I can wear a collar at night because I want to, and that pleases her no end… I guess I should say that my being collared at night is not so much so she can see me but more for her to give me the experience of it overnight. it’s a subtle thing, but there is a good sub feeling in waking up in the morning already collared… Amanda and I have had separate bedrooms from the beginning. she has me sleep with her at times through the night, according to her pleasure.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Fascinating! As far as being collared goes, is it your collar or is it Amanda’s? As her slave, do you get to choose when you wear a/her/your collar? Are you allowed to put it on yourself, or does Amanda require a type of act such as you kneeling in front of her while she places the collar on you? Does it lock and require a key? So curious!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. cj, good questions… well, Amanda, of course, owns the collars, as well as everything I might say is “mine” — it’s just a convenience of speech for me to say it that way… As you know, she decides what I wear, and that includes what collar I wear… when I wrote that I like now to wear a collar at night, *by my choice*, I meant that I volunteer to wear one at night even when she doesn’t require it…. Amanda doesn’t do much that is “high” D/s with formality and ceremony, so no, she doesn’t have me kneel while she puts it on. Usually I just put it on when I dress. When I present coffee to her in the morning, she reviews the outfit she laid out for me and how I look in it, along with my collar. Sometimes I will put on my collar but not fully close it, and she will, at coffee, close it and clasp it shut…. I have (Amanda has for me) a number of slave collars. Several of the metal ones have clasps that allow for a lock, and she sometimes locks me in the collar for the day. She is fond of making comments about losing the key to my collar, all teases, although one time she actually *did* lose it. (I happened to find it in the entryway the next day…)

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s