feelings on the eve

I was asked, when I go to be with Master McKenna or Kevin for a visit, whether I look forward to the trip or get nervous about it or even dread it in certain ways. And do I become aroused by thinking about it?

Well, yes, I have a lot of feelings.

To be clear, I never dread being with either of the men, even though they are strong dominant alphas who sometimes handle me roughly. They each are responsible and self-controlled. They respect Amanda and her gift of me, so they would never permanently damage her sex toy loaned out to them. I don’t worry about that.

If I am busy right before a visit to either of them — for a recent example, say, having just traveled to visit my mother in Pennsylvania — I am not so ready to turn around immediately and go to visit either of the men. I need the down time in between and have to get grounded again. Amanda knows this and has scheduled me with buffer zones between events. Otherwise, I would be more reluctant to think about another trip/visit coming up.

But in this case, I’ve had two weeks since my trip to PA, and Amanda has kept me “in idle” for the past week. I’m ready to go to Master M tomorrow night.

“Nervous” isn’t quite the right word, but I do always feel a slight case of the jitters before I go to Master M. I think this is because it’s still partly a performance with him, my training being always observed and tested. This is mostly, I assume, a function of my relative newness with him. I am still learning how to please him. Which is exciting even as it makes me jittery.

“Place” is important to me as well — knowing the house and space I am being dominated in. Kevin’s house, of course, is the same home Amanda and I used to live in, so it’s comfortable to me. Master M’s mansion is becoming more of a familiar “home” to me, although there are still some sections of it I’ve never been in. The Great Room, where has has me most often, is massive and open, which I’m still getting used to. And I am still becoming known to his service people, who seem to come in randomly through the week and appear out of the blue, though they must be on some schedule… So in going to Master M, yes, I do feel some jitters, though not in any sense do I worry about the man himself.

I was asked further whether it excites me sexually to go to Master M and Kevin.

Yes.

But I feel a sexual anticipation with both, although differently. As other submissives will understand, there is a difference between vanilla and submissive sex/sexuality.

As I have been with Kevin, escort-like and all that, my visits have been about vanilla sex and not dom-sub sex. While being his courtesan requires me to service him fully and constantly, which is exhausting with him, it also is, of course, a hell of a lot of wonderful sex for me.😉 So, certainly, when I visit him, I get aroused in the anticipation, which Amanda will readily attest to.

Master M’s sexual exploration of me is still developing, still is new, and it’s also my submissive sexuality he is tapping into. What I mean is that, for me as a submissive, everything I am ordered to do, even non-sexual, feels sexually arousing. Master M may have me copy a set of documents, say, while wearing a spreader bar, and even though that task is merely functional, it excites me sexually. And so with Master M, my whole visit with him can feel sexual, even if there’s no actual sex. However, now there is actual sex with Master M too, though in the context of my submissive to his dominant.

Just to make the point: yes, I am sexually excited to be visiting Master M again, although my arousal is different for him than it would be for Kevin.

So, when Amanda sends me off tomorrow night to serve Master M, I will be a bit antsy, but also looking forward to it, excited about being with him again.

3 thoughts on “feelings on the eve

  1. I liked what you had to say about how everything can feel sexual with Master McKenna, including administrative tasks such as photocopying (while wearing a spreader bar, of course). That is a lovely way to live, and I imagine it brightens up his day in a certain way, as well. Enjoy your stay…can’t wait to read about it. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

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