it’s become clear…

So, Amanda and I have had conversations this week and last about us and about what “us” is to become. Some of this has been in terms of goal setting for the next year, a process we go through annually. But this time it’s also a longer view, Amanda revealing to me more of her own dominant inner workings. So, this post is going to be more about her — my understanding of her perspective in owning me.

One thing we’ve talked about is the matter of “escalation” — the idea of a D/s slavery needing to try more things, more deeply, more extremely, in order to be satisfying to a dom and/or sub. Amanda was saying that her uses of me do not need to be constantly escalated for her to find pleasure and joy in being with me.

There are things you intuitively know about someone from living with them in relationship, and I suppose I knew this all along with Amanda, but it meant a lot to me to hear her say that so directly. A submissive’s pleasure lies in the becoming the pleasure of her domme, and one tends to think she has to perform the “next new thing” to continue to be submissively pleasurable. But Amanda said, “If we were to live in our current state for years to come, I would be happy.”

This re-calibrates my mind from sometimes doing something in order to measure up to her pleasure to doing something because I simply desire to be her pleasure. It’s a subtle difference, but significant.

As it turns out, Amanda does indeed intend to extend my slavery into new things, and that will be an escalation, for sure, but her point was that she doesn’t have to “escalate me” in order to be quite satisfied with me and what we have.

That’s a beautiful thing.

There was talk that echoed conversations we’ve had many times before. Repetitive, perhaps, and yet it’s part of a “checking-in” to see if we are together in the same understandings as before.

She talked about how I respond when presented with something new: “You go all ‘Baptist girl’ for a bit, then you eventually do it.” This is old territory, but “Baptist girl” is a new-ish phrase for describing it.

“Well, I was a Baptist girl,” I replied, “but parts of that are still in me… I didn’t know I was showing it.”

“I like it actually. It lets me know how far you have come as I defile you.”

“Nice, that.”

“I just need to know when anything is too much for you. You never’ve used your safe word. So when you flash Baptist girl at me, I wonder for a moment if you’re raising a white flag.”

“No, I’m not. You know me — I usually have that moment of regret that I’m not longer innocent and respectable, but I get over it.”

“You passed beyond innocent and respectable years ago.”

“Thanks…” I make a face. “But, yeah, I know. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of that.”

We talked about her sharing me.

She said she thought I should look at it differently: “It’s not that I think you need more and more extreme experiences. It’s that I want the sexual intimacy with you that comes when I watch you with others.”

I knew this, but here she stated it more directly than before. In some way, I am a surrogate for her, and she gets a sexual high through me, watching me. I accept that, want to be that for her.

Her watching is one thing, AOK by me, but “with others” is another. “With others is a big universe,” I said, adding, “but I know what you’re doing.” By which I mean the creation of smaller circles of people who are friendly to our lifestyle and open to me (being open, literally, to them). Maybe the people next door, maybe a neighborhood, maybe some client circles. Safe zones for the execution of my slavery.

Not new news, but perhaps a new wrinkle in our time together. It’s not just about my submissive need nor her dominant need, but about a deeper intimacy between us as she watches my, well, defilement.

It’s a remarkable thing when one person owns another and can do anything she wants with her.

It has certain pleasures at the beginning when a sub is trained for the first time into the preferences of her mistress. It has deeper pleasures along the way as a sub begins to intuitively anticipate her mistress’s desires. And it becomes yet a further euphoria when sub and domme are meshed together through extraordinary experiences shared.

That may be where we are now.

In any case, it’s become clear now…

That the execution of my slavery is changing. That Amanda desires with me a further intimacy that comes from sharing me and participating in the sharing. That Amanda is building around me circles of people and contexts in which she can make this happen.

I’m OK with that.

5 thoughts on “it’s become clear…

  1. ‘That the execution of my slavery is changing’

    Is it a real change? Amanda has in several mentioned situations wanted to watch when you have sex, unfortunately it seems that those who have been able to enjoy you sexually do not want the audience. Amanda is a dominant lady with speaking skills and execution ability, you Shae have seen that. The new thing must be that Amanda now tells what she is thinking about and also gives you compliments. It’s just looking forward to us and you. In an e-mail, I mentioned this angle that Amanda wants to look at, but you have not responded to that and become part of the story.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. (being open, literally, to them)
    What are your thoughts about this ? woke up this morning and suddenly it struck me that this could be turned in your favor. now that it’s ‘official’ at least in here, are you in a position to tempt Mistress by saying: I think ‘Joe’ is attractive, would you like to see him take me? Would you please arrange a tea time.


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