D/s focus: a question for you

I’ve been thinking on how various D/s relationships are, say, focused on a specific aspect of D/s. For example, some who practice the D/s lifestyle focus a lot on bondage while others hardly ever engage in bondage.

I would think most D/s arrangements at least dabble in a variety of D/s experiences, but it seems to me that often one thing becomes a primary focus/style/preference/orientation.

I started listing some of these. Which is primary for you? What have I missed in this list?


Obedience-focused. The relationship is primarily based on the dominant giving orders and the submissive obeying them. These may be minor, simple. The pleasure dynamic is in the act of obedience.

Behavior-focused. A submissive is trained to behave a certain way. This may be as basic as a trained posture, or how to sit/stand/walk, or manners of speaking. The primary dynamic in the relationship is the dominant’s shaping of a submissive’s physical bearing and actions and presentation.

Service-focused. The relationship has primarily been defined in terms of work and chores and services. I assume here that the dominant finds particular pleasure in being served, and the submissive enjoys the constant requirement of being busy with services.

Humiliation-focused. The primary focus of the D/s relationship is in debasement of the submissive. This may be physical but can also/otherwise be psychological. It may be private and/or public display of submission.

Bondage-focused. The D/s relationship is enjoyed primarily in forms of bondage and restriction and perhaps imprisonment. Ropes and chains, say, have a particular erotic meaning and feeling.

Punishment/pain focused. The D/s is most deeply experienced through acts of punishment and, perhaps, the administering of pain. May or may not be about sadomasochism per se — sometimes its about the psychological experience of being punished.

Sex-focused. Where the D/s relationship is primarily focused on the submissive’s sexual use and random availability. This may be about being shared sexually. It also can be about the dom creating a sexual mindset in the submissive.


I ask for your input. What have I missed?

Again, I think most D/s relationships practice a number of these. Some of them overlap. But my hypothesis is that one is a primary focus.

I also wonder if besides a primary focus there’s a secondary focus. For example, the primary of my D/s slavery is a sex-focus, but a strong runner-up, so to speak, is a humiliation-focus.

What about you? What’s the primary and secondary in your current relationship?

If you’re not in a current relationship: As a dominant, what would you say would be your most desired primary focus if you owned a submissive? As a submissive, what would you say would be your most desired primary focus if you were owned by a dominant?

9 thoughts on “D/s focus: a question for you

  1. Interesting question. For me and my girlfriend, D/s is subtle, not outwardly expressed most of the time. It’s a comfortable feeling that she belongs to me, and I make the major decisions (and minor ones if I want to). It does get expressed sexually too, though I’ll keep the details of that private.

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  2. An interesting thought Shae. I think I’m mainly service focused, but perhaps with some behaviour-focused and humiliation-focused aspects as well. Sex is a thing we do too, but it is a thing we do as well, it’s not why I’m submissive.

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  3. An interesting question. Whilst I see myself in aspects of this, in the main, I do not. What I am driven by is surrender. She is primal and I am prey—and that need not be sexual or any of these other things, because the surrender is to become subservien

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  4. i had a talk with Mistress Kate before i put anything to rpint so to speak. As She told be even though i was Her boss and She was by secertary. She saw i was service focused and obediant. So iasked i served You as my secretary. Her response made me realize maybe She was my boss all along. She reminded me , of me opening doors, bringing Her favorite lunches if i went out. She would often ask where i was going. If She didn’t like that, She point out a meal She enjoys from another resturant. I never though of that as being lead my Her. In today’s world i see how i always under Her control in some manner. Our relationship has eveoled where i do satisfy Her and Sir orally. But that is not primary definitely service and obeying. There is no real bondage or pain in the relationship. occasional humilation from Sir. He likes that but Mistress wilusually put a quick stop to that. Sorry for going on and on. Have a great day

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    1. I love that. Most of my secretaries have dominated the heck out of me. It was a job requirement. I interviewed for it. My favourite was a Nigerian woman. She owned me, my diary, my whereabouts. At all times. We were a great team.

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  5. Shae as I wrote to you earlier, in several of my story scenarios the D/s is involved in a community where the ‘s’ participates in fight clubs. The D/s relationship on a day-to-day basis is all focused on making the ‘s’ a better fighter. Punishment and humiliation come into play.

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