swimming through the muck

My therapist Jillian says I’m in a mild depression. She’s been on Zoom with me twice a week, talking me through this. I’m OK, and there’s some hope at the end of the tunnel, but it’s continued to be a down time. I talk with Amanda every night. I’m really doing OK, but it’s like swimming through something thick and cloudy.

I won’t belabor the details, for I don’t think my state of mind is of that much interest. I’ll just say that it’s curious my current ennui has happened not inside my life of humiliation and abasement but outside of that in the vanilla world. Apparently I was meant to live in subjection and submission. That I can handle emotionally. Go figure.

No, I haven’t posted much this week, but I have been writing. I’m specifically working on the much-belated Q and A post that I promised some many moons ago. So sorry I never got to that. But I captured from you all so many great questions. Coming back to them now. Responding to them in blog words is actually helpful to my heart. I’ll post something soon, likely in several parts… BTW, I still welcome questions you’d like me to speak on: shaemadigan@comcast.net

The good news hope is some further movement on the agreement with Lucille. To be clear, the delay has had nothing to do with her. She is eager and exited to do this. It’s a win-win for her and us. The process just takes a long while, having to be vetted by various authorities, financial and legal, and papers wind up sitting on desks for days before getting attended to. But now, we may be within a two weeks of something final.

More on that to come, but from me now a cautious “Yay!”


4 thoughts on “swimming through the muck

  1. I’m very sorry you’re going through depression of any sort Shae. I send you a huge amount of love. Always remember that depression is not something you can’t get out of. If you’re able to turn that thought into your eureka moment I think you’ll get out of it fast, but I bet you haven’t thought of it like that. In any case, I hope to hear from your slavery in happiness soon.

    Liked by 2 people

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