One of the many new experiences in my return home will be Maria’s new role under Master McKenna.
This has been a slowly unfolding development, though in retrospect seemingly inevitable. I have written about her periodically, but I don’t recall that I’ve recently updated you on the arrangement Master McKenna has actually forged with her, somewhat coinciding with my return home.
He has agreed to have Maria for a trial period as his submissive-in-training alongside me. He sees this as an internship, with Maria mostly observing. The trial period is set to last two months — April and May.
Maria has been in frequent email contact with me since I saw her in December, asking a lot of questions about the submissive life and about my slavery under Master McKenna. Master M has also been in contact with me about his plan for her. But for all that, the two of them have had discussions that I have not been privy to, and most of this internship idea has progressed without me.
One thing I do know is that Master McKenna has done proper diligence in the legal details of this. He has “un-employed” Maria from her maid services at the mansion, having her use her two weeks of earned vacation before returning to him as his “intern submissive” (which will be during the week he has me again, the first week of April). There are also some financial provisions, which are not my place to know.
If Maria cottons to the submissive life under him, he will create a further arrangement for her, keeping her as his live-in submissive. If not, he will reinstate her employment as his mansion maid.
Maria is cutely shy but boldly eager. I like her a lot, in many ways. I find her attractive and interesting, and I see some of me in her.
At the same time, this will be new and different for me, and while I am positively drawn to Maria personally, this fills me with slightly mixed feelings about the situation.
The irony of a D/s relationship is that despite the submissive possession you are, you develop a sense of your dominant being yours. A dominant exposes your deepest, most private person and sexuality, and as you experience humiliation at his hand it’s impossible not to become attached to him.
Being literally leashed to him is not just a BDSM accoutrement, but an emotional reality. At first, while you like the submissive feeling of the physical leash, you wrestle with the emotional feeling of being a woman owned. Eventually, though, you accept that as your condition, and you settle into your submissive place. And over time, you tend to emotionally convert your lowliness as a slave into a kind of “specialness” in his world — he’s chosen you to leash you to himself. (Of course, the fine print in “being special” in this way is that no one else will submit to the degradation of the life he demands from you.)
It’s not that you believe he loves you as a romantic other. But you do come to believe you are The Only One for him, trained and shaped to uniquely fit him as his special slave girl. This is a natural development in the D/s dynamic, and in its way, lovely.
So, yes, over time this has developed between me and Master McKenna. And now, he is taking a second slave girl to serve him.
I am no longer The Only One.
I suppose the other mixed feeling I have in this is that Maria will be with him all the time, whereas I serve another domme and can be with him only part of the time. I know better than to think she is “taking my place,” but in a way she is. Which is no fault of hers.
I am blessed with two dominants of different styles, and it’s not that I want to leave Amanda and be with Master M full time. Of course not. But Maria will be with him at times I am not, and I just have this feeling that he is mine.
I don’t think this is anything Master M is doing to put me in my place, to test me, to shape me. He is well aware he is taking charge of another woman’s life, and Master McKenna is never frivolous with people. He wouldn’t lead her on and use her to discipline me.
I don’t wonder about his motivations. I think he sees in her an opportunity that he’s never had with me. I came to him with experience in the life, already well-rounded (so to speak). I was already trained, and while he re-trained me to his specific preferences, as all doms do, I was already “prepared.” In Maria, I’m sure he sees a submissive who is green and raw, more innocent, and he relishes the opportunity of shaping her “from scratch.” He is the dom-teacher, after all. He loves teaching and training, and I’m sure that;s what he sees in her.
I’ll get over it. I think I can honestly say I’m happy for him and for her as well, both. I just don’t quite know what to do with these twinges of another feeling. I’m not used to jealousy.
The positive thing is that I’ll have a sister slave to be with.
One of the under-reported aspects of the D/s life is that it tends toward a certain kind of loneliness. I have written about seeking social outlets for myself, an outside group or organization or church I can join to give me people contact and a greater possibility of making friends in the midst of a somewhat isolated, lonely lifestyle.
Much to be said for that, but there’s a unique loneliness in the D/s life that social groups don’t really assuage: no one else really knows what it feels like to be submissive and submissively dominated. You have no one to talk to who is like you in this. You can’t attend a book reading club and properly share what your week has been like.
In some respects, this is what my blog does for me.
And, perhaps, so will a sister slave.
As an aside: I had been wondering how it is that one of Master McKenna’s mansion employees “happens” to be deeply submissive and working for a publicly-professed dominant. It seems to me that the percentage of people in the general population who have a submissive sexuality to this degree is rather low — one percent? What are the chances that submissive Maria wound up by circumstance working for Master M?
I am aware that dominants attract us submissives in ways we are hardly aware of. Friend and blogger Helen and I have talked about “D/s radar,” how we can feel the dominance of strangers “across a crowded room,” so to speak. So maybe there’s something in that. Maria perhaps sought him out?
Recently in our email exchanges, Maria settled this minor mystery. Yes, she had heard rumors of McKenna’s lifestyle before taking the job. But she had applied for several positions in various homes in that area (all high-end mansion jobs that paid well). While she was curious about McKenna’s lifestyle, it wasn’t a primary driver for her. She actually took another offer first, but after a week, that didn’t work out (for reasons not connected with her). She then re-applied to McKenna, and he hired her.
So, I don’t believe she “targeted” him, so to speak, for this result.
During our correspondence these months, Maria has made me aware of her long history of submissive feelings and attractions. I am reassured that this with Master M is not an impulsive decision on her part, prompted by some infatuation with him. I believe this is something she has well considered. As a trial period and internship, it’s a relatively comfortable introduction into the life.
She has already seen glimpses of Master’s handling of me, so she’s not entering into this too naively. But the demands of the life may challenge her. Living it 24/7 is always difficult at first.
It will be interesting how Maria engages with it.
slave shae 
You know, shae, doubtless, your blogging, and the attendant self-reflection you thereby constantly practice, has been a benefit to your development as a submissive and slave. I sure that’s why all your owners have encouraged you to continue it.
I wonder if some sort of journaling would be beneficial for Maria to practice as part of her training. In that case, I would be interested in reading some of Maria’s accounts of her training firsthand. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
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I hadn’t thought of that, and it’s a good idea. I’ll talk with her about it. good advice… writing certainly helps process the experience… perhaps, if she does write a journal, she might do a guest post for my blog?
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You will not be the only slavegirl, but you will always be unique in many ways. Why does Master McKenna want you to teach submissiveness in his school? Because you are a consummate slavegirl and you have many qualities that are rarely found in others. While it may be true that no one is irreplaceable, there are those for whom one could spend a lifetime seeking a replacement. That, I know firsthand.
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as always, sir, thank you…
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One of many scenarios I’ve imagined as a submissive is one where there is more than one submissive, and I am, shall we say, the low submissive on the totem pole. Mightn’t you be facing that? Or mightn’t Maria? Time will tell. But i suppose the pertinent questions are something like, “What does a submissive do with the feelings that would be a byproduct of such a situation?” and “Does she have any right, given her station, to question the hierarchy or to complain?” What do you think?
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Gary, these are interesting thoughts, though I have learned over time not to try to think ahead, not to anticipate my dominant’s intentions. But you ask, and I’ll speculate a bit 😉and I’ll say a few things…
Your last question first: no, I do not have any right to question the authority my dominant grants another over me. This is what I’ve sometimes referred to as authority by proxy. This will come into play in my neighborhood sharings. Amanda is giving couples some authority over me which I am required to obey. In other words, they will have the right to “tell me what to do.”
Now, this with Maria is different in that she and I are both submissives, and our relationship to each other will be ambiguous and fluid for a while. We will have to work out who we are to each other — and to him. Some of this will be how we naturally relate as friends, as sister submissives, or something yet more, but it will also be dictated by Master McKenna, and his wishes for us together.
I don’t think Master M will initially play us against each other that way, but I won’t say anything here that would preclude his right to do so. And if he put Maria over me, yes, I would have to obey her and would do so.
As to what I would do with those feelings, well, I would probably be sad and cry. I would probably be inclined to say some things that are sarcastic and biting, and I’d probably be punished for them. This is how it goes with me. And I’d probably have a talk with myself, reminding me that I have always been the lowest on the totem pole in any room, long before Maria came into the picture. When you’re a concubine you must learn to accept your level.
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Thanks for such an honest answer. Whatever happens, it’ll be different than it was, right? I’m sure it will make for interesting reading for us followers. Looking forward to hearing more!
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well i know for one it takes a great discioline to journal and noy speaking for Maria. i can tell you 2 things i do not like to do is read or write. i was very fortunate that my secretary now my Mistress loved to read and write. For letters or papers i had to write She would write wonderful professional letters from my notes or bullet points. So hopefully, it will go good with Maria.
Your blog writing skills are wonderful at expressing your lifestyle.
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Thanks, sindee, for the compliment. I have no idea if Maria will take to writing a journal or blog. Her emails to me are quite good, though, so she has some ability. but ultimately, I think you’d agree, the value is just in expressing how we feel as submissives in what is done to us. it doesn’t matter how elegant the words are…
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