This is my correspondence with Chelsea, a submissive, whom I’ve known for almost two years. She has recently decided to enter into a 24/7 slave arrangement. In her letter to me she was announcing this new slavery and some specifics hat have been worked out.
For conetxt I should point out that her slavery, like mine, does not derive from a prior relationship. It is a placement process, though based on personal interactions and time together. It comes out of a community of dominants and submissives that she and I are part of.
I am posting this with her permission. I have also made edits and deletions of personal information to protect her and other identities. These edits are noted in brackets.
So happy for you, Chels, to hear your excellent news! Your letter brought me back to our time in Denver. You were questioning yourself and your degree of submissiveness when it was perfectly obvious to me as I talked with you how extremely sub you are and how much you need it. But I’m not making fun. It took me five years to come to an understanding of my own submissiveness, even though it was so very deep and pregnant in me. I was so slow to figure it out. What I realized later was that the most important thing is not the actual decision but the process of getting there.
[I have edited out a paragraph here that speaks about the dominant(s) who have acquired Chelsea, with whom she will start her slavery. For confidentiality, I’m changing ongoing references to “they.” It’s not to imply that she is going to be serving a couple or specifically a man or a woman. It’s just to keep the identity/identities private.]
Of course I’m very happy to answer your questions, Chels, and offer you whatever advice I can. I wish it could be in person, perhaps in Aspen, like that brief time we had, which is so close to here. Let me know if there’s any chance for that, as I’d love to see you anyway, and I’m sure my Mistress would give me liberty. We could meet at Victoria’s again, perhaps. I’ll offer my thoughts here anyway, but would love to see you again.
In giving advice I’m often cautious because I feel I’m still learning so much myself and don’t quite yet have the experience that qualifies me. And also, it goes without saying there are a lot of different kinds of D/s relationships and slaveries, and I don’t want to advise anyone in way that’s ill-fitting to the specific arrangement they’re in. But I know you, Chels, and now a little about your new slavery about to happen, so I’ll dare to share some things in answer to your questions.
You ask about having doubts. I think that’s common, especially when entering a 24/7. And even once in it, you’ll occasionally wonder why you’re doing this. That has happened to me even after a couple of years. It will happen to you. This is not a decision you will ever regret, but it will be one you sometimes question. It’s a wonderful life but it’s not heaven; it’s deeply satisfying, but it’s still daily life. I find my doubt rises up in those fallow periods when nothing is happening and I’m left to myself for long stretches.
I always wear a collar and sometimes a leash; I walk around the house this way. (Mistress likes hearing the metal leash drag on the wood floor.) But often no one is here but me. If no one is around for long stretches of time, if no one actually holds my leash and leads me, then I’m just wearing a collar and leash, which feel useless and silly. When I am led, I have a purpose and know my place.
That (collar and leash) is literally true for me, but there’s also a metaphor in there somewhere about the general pattern of the slave life and those periods of time when you aren’t being actively dominated and led. Those times will be there for you Chels, and that’s when you may start to wonder why you’re in the life, why your leash is dragging on the floor.
I might recommend you write a letter to yourself at this point of things before you enter your slavery, and keep it in a drawer. Pull it out and read it in those future moments of doubt. You might write about how you realized how deep your submissiveness is. How you know you need a life of submission to be fulfilled and happy. You might include something you and I have talked about: how the vanilla world is disappointing and middling and never fulfilling for us. Tell yourself in this letter that your choice has been intentional and daring, that know that the life will be hard and humiliating, but also beautifully fulfilling. When you start to doubt, pull out this letter and let your current self be a counselor to your future self in those moments of questioning.
[Edited out a paragraph referring to Chelsea’s new dominant(s), locations, and their profession(s).]
I only ask about that to answer your question about what to expect in your first weeks in your new slavery. (My experience with Master K and Mistress Amanda was that they had taken time off work the full week before acquiring me, and once I was moved, had to catch up on work in their businesses. Thus I hardly saw them my first week! I don’t think that’ll be an issue for you.)
Maybe the most meaningful thought I have is this: Just be yourself. The tendency is to want to be a perfect slave, especially in the beginning weeks. You and I want to please. We will do anything to please. Noble, but it leads you to be someone other than yourself, someone more posed and postured than you really are. Slavery is not about playing the role of a slave. It’s about you being the true submissive you are. So let your personality show. You will be learning so much about them in your first weeks, but your dominant(s) also are learning about you. In the first weeks, they will give you space to learn and forgiveness for mistakes and transgressions.
One of my natural foibles is my streak of clumsiness. Put a tray in my hands and I’m a female Mr. Bean waiting to happen. When I was first with Master Michael, I had my share of fumbles. But he found it amusing, maybe a little cute or charming or something in a Pretty Woman sort of way, and he persisted to hand me the tray and teach me some tips for doing better. And I have done better. I’m sure he still held his breath sometimes when he threw a party and I was serving drinks. But he valued me for being a real woman, not a mannequin servant.
So, relax and allow yourself to be yourself. They need to know what your true personality is, your habits, weaknesses, hidden skills, and talents. Let yourself be known up front. You are beautiful and delightful. Don’t hide that from them. Then as time goes on they will tailor their dominance of you to who you really are.
Now you say there’s some confusion about when your starting day will be. Perhaps that’s figured out by now, anyway, whenever you start, realize that your new dominant(s) will be eager to use you and will use you a lot. And I mean in every way. I think it’s true for most dominants, even experienced ones, when they take on a new slave. Frankly, you’re to them, like getting a new car. They will want to drive it everywhere — they’ll even use the car just to drive down the driveway to the mailbox. They’ll be excited to have you and and will be trying you out.
Just give yourself to their excitement about you at first. Don’t assume that any pattern or frequency of anything — serving, bondage, sex — in the first weeks will be normal. Things will eventually find a more even pattern. Over time, you’ll learn about how life will be with them. And it will be good for you.
The first few weeks will involve a kind of ongoing negotiation between you and them. Now, in a true slavery you aren’t given the authority to negotiate anything formally; the big things are probably already negotiated and known. But at the beginning especially, there will be necessary talk about the practical things of daily life — morning routines, tasks and chores, meals, answering the door and taking phone calls, finances, bedtimes, and a zillion other details of life. Your dominant(s) will tell you what they expect from you, but they’ll also ask you about your patterns and needs and habits — and they will defer to much of that. In a way, they are negotiating their lives to fit in with your life.
Sometime in the second week of my slavery to her, Mistress Amanda and I were at the grocery store. She placed an eggplant in our cart. She casually asked me, “You like eggplant, don’t you?” I replied, “No, not really, but I will if you serve it.” She put the eggplant back on the produce shelf. It was an informal negotiation. Those are simple things, but there will be a lot of it in your first weeks. A tip: you might ask your dominant(s) if you can keep a notebook handy for notes. Capture details and study them later.
You ask also, just in general, for any pieces of advice for your slavery long-term.
So, the thing most of us don’t understand entering slavery is how much down time — free time — there is. You are their slave, for sure, and they will use you plenty, for sure, but you will have what you will perceive as a lot of personal, alone, and self time to figure out what to do with. Your dominant(s) won’t have an activity program each day mapping out every hour and block of time (Thank god!)
So, it’s important, as you live the slave life, to also live your own life. I fill my time with reading and writing. You are such an artist, and I would encourage you to use your down time to paint. And perhaps do other things. Explore other arts or interests.
This benefits your dominant(s) as well. They may feel pressure to keep you busy 24/7. The “program schedule” is understandably ridiculous, but keeping you dominated “enough” can be a burden to them. It’s a lot of responsibility to keep you as their slave. If you have other interests, your own life and pursuits, then it relieves them of that pressure. They know you can be self-motivated. You’re not just standing and waiting for the next order. They know you can retreat to your reading or painting. This can be part of the grease that creates grace in the daily relationship.
Maybe related to that thread is a phrase I picked up from somewhere: Participate in your own slavery. I can define this best through a personal example with Master Michael. He was teaching me how to walk while leashed behind him. (By the way, being walked on a leash is a training that is about a lot more than being walked on a leash.) At some point in my leash-walking training, after receiving lots of specific orders, I asked Master Michael if there were situations in which he preferred me to walk to his side rather than behind him. It was my own curiosity that went beyond knowing the rules.
In that moment he realized that, by my asking the question, I was trying to help the cause of my own service to him, that I wanted to know more about how I could serve him better. I started to do the same thing in other areas of my slavery. Especially in entertaining — my hostessing the small group parties he loved doing so much — I would ask him how he would like me to serve drinks or appetizers and even how he wanted me to be presented to them. By asking such questions, I was saying to him I cared about how he wanted me, as his slave, to come across to them. That I wanted to make him proud, not only follow instructions. This was significant in my life with him going forward.
You’ll have to find your way on this. There is some danger in this coming across as topping from the bottom, but if you can approach it submissively enough, it’ll be a significant and welcome thing for your dominant(s). It separates you from being that “robot slave” who simply is programmed with instructions and if-then statements. It says to your dominant(s) that you are participating and contributing to your own slavery.
[Deleted paragraph referring to Chelsea’s dominant(s) and some specifics of previous experience.]
So, Chels, there is one other thing I’ll leave with you. I’m not sure I can explain it, but it has to do with what kind of slave you will be to them.
When people call me a “sex slave,” a part of me is amused because it suggests that in this lifestyle there is just one kind of slave. It represents the assumption that sub-slavery is always about sex. In fact we know there are many different types of slaveries. We can put names to some of them — servant, assistant, hostess, art object, model, bartender, handmaiden, pet, sex toy, and so on. But in fact it’s not just even those specific roles that are being figured out. It may be combinations of two or three of those; it may be other roles less definable and very subtle. It will eventually be some combination of your dominant(s) need and desires and your skills and personality. Ultimately you will develop with them a “slave style” that you fit and they rpefer.
That is never formally negotiated because it can barely be expressed in words. But at the beginning especially, it will start to be a background process with you and them.
I am almost three months in to my new slavery and this is still being figured out. With Mistress Amanda, I am a blend of almost everything to her, which is confusing in a way, but consistent for me now in that I know the confusion and the blend. I believe Master K and I are still working out what I am to him. It may simply be sexual, as it has happened so far, and that would be fine. But I think we are still “negotiating” my place in his life long-term.
I’m not sure quite how to articulate this better. I know it’s vague. In part I think what I’m saying is that there’s a lot in slavery that can’t be defined — it just develops organically. Some in the lifestyle try to define slavery in contracts and lists of duties and actions and positions. And there’s some value in that, especially for setting expectations. But ultimately a slavery is not a spreadsheet. It becomes its own living thing from the intercourse of the dominant and submissive. It is something that develops, often through a living negotiation, often silent, of persons connected through this radical, relationship of complete control and relinquishment of will.
Oh, so much more to say. Again, I congratulate you, Chels, so happy for you. Let me know if Aspen is a possibility, although I know your time now is short. Be well.