retreat q and a: 4

I so appreciate all the questions sent my way. This will be my final Q&A post on the retreat.

Did you tell them about your blog? Do you have five new dominant readers? (Mister Archie)

The five men were given my blog info at the end of the retreat. I have no indication that they’ve become new followers. I wouldn’t know if they’re reading this. I guess we’ll see if they are out there, and if one or another speaks up here sometime.

What is the marital/relationship status of the five men? (Chris)

All I know is from what I overheard in casual conversation. One of the men is married but separated. Another is “dating someone.” The others I don’t know about.

I am curious what Master McKenna had to say on discipline and punishment, what his philosophy on this is. From your posts (in general, not just from this long weekend) I wasn’t clear if he employed corporal punishment with you. (Nora)

Nora, this is a rich question, and I think I shall write more on it in a separate blog post. But a few answers to your question here:

No, Master McKenna has not had opportunity to punish me (and I am not inclined to make it necessary!) However, he has used a flogger and whip on me in one training session as demonstration and testing (not during the retreat but privately).

At the retreat, he was keen on steering the men away from the common stereotype of D/s being all about whips and floggers and bondage discipline. He also stressed that “responsible dominance is not abusive…”

However, he does believe in physical, corporal punishment practices. He says that physical discipline is effective with a submissive and creates a particular (and good) dependency of the slave to her master.

He also said that it’s fair if the dominant simply enjoys the physical administration of whipping, and that his slave should be able to submit to it for his pleasure — “just as he uses her to give him a blowjob.” But, he said to the men, it’s “critically important you separate your pleasure from her punishment.”

This is interesting to me as Amanda’s approach with me is so very different. Again, much more to say, and I promise to get into it another time.

Did Master McKenna talk about doing D/s in public. Public play? (Amanda’s lifestyle friend, Dayna)

Master McKenna spoke about “being public” in a different way: how far a dominant wishes to go in himself being open about his D/s life in public circles. He talked about the various parts of his own life in public, at work, with other organizations — and how he has different levels of openness with each of them about his lifestyle. (I think this was in the session where he talked about my protocols in different situations.)

Amanda also talked for a time about her public practices with me. She made the point that public display was good for the slave to experience, but also that it took “wisdom and discretion” to execute public scenes safely and responsibly. Something like that.

I remember there was a moment when she said, “Vanilla people don’t necessarily want to see your slave half naked and on a leash.” And one of the men said, “I don’t see why not!” Hearty laughter all around… and blushing by me…

Again, this bears further discussion, as Amanda and Mr. McKenna both have views on public display that deserve more time. I will write more…

The four protocols, can you say more about each of them? Maybe more detail? (Nudo and others)

Here again, I promise to address this further in a forthcoming post, but I’ll say a few things here:

Master McKenna is strong on protocols, whereas Amanda is not. He has layers of social interaction related to his businesses, each layer knowing him in slightly different ways. Protocols are critical for him.

I believe it’s one reason he wanted me. He felt I would be able to navigate his protocols smoothly in various social situations.

As I’ve written before, Amanda and I have various modes of relationship, and we slip in and out of them intuitively. There is a formal protocol I use when I’m in deeper submission to her. Then there are situations we’re in around other people in which I modulate the formality with her according to the social situation. (This may have been what Master McKenna observed.)

All the same, Amanda isn’t a stickler for protocols as Master McKenna is. (She’s perfectly happy if I just call her “goddess” sometimes.)

In the aftermath of the retreat what were your own takeaways? Is there anything that was especially new to you? (Neighbor John Miller)

Oh, wise one, Mr. Miller — posing the big-picture question at the end!

Mostly I’m just filled with various “thoughts to be explored later.”

One is this idea of a slave girl shared by multiple dominants. Which is not to say that I wish (or think I could handle) being shared with a third dominant. It’s more that, if Master McKenna were not in the picture, maybe another dominant would be. I don’t know if Amanda has that intention for me going forward.

Being in the midst of other dominant men at the retreat is/was a reminder to me of my basic submissive being and status. It sort of put me in my submissive place. My training at the hand of Master McKenna has done this too. My slavery to Amanda is a benevolent one, and while I am her slave in real ways, we have a larger relationship. The retreat brought me into an experience of being objectified and treated at a lower level than I’m used to. This is probably good for me.

Also, being in the midst of five dominant personalities (so much testosterone!), I encountered different kinds of male personalities. Still sorting that out. But it made me wonder how D/s works for better or worse with different personality matches. Or mismatches.

Finally, I guess every experience in my slave life stretches me in a new way, and this certainly did.

retreat q and a: 3

How did you feel undressing in front of the men? (Neighbor Patricia Miller, multiple others)

Let me say first, I believe making me topless for a lot of the retreat was more of Amanda’s idea. Master McKenna may have also shared in that intention, and it’s obvious I would likely be displayed in some way, but it’s so Amanda in the nature of it. She would want me to experience revealing my breasts to a roomful of men. Further, she’d want to watch.

I think the bigger point is that often I was unsure how far he would have me strip for them. Tuesday, the last day — they’d already been seeing my boobs — I didn’t know if it would go farther, if I would be told to take off my skirt as well. It didn’t, but I was never sure.

I felt the humiliation of it, of course, as well as the sexual tension of it. Part of it was the shame of being seen in my submission — because of how I am made, having to submit and obey despite the outcome. Another part of it, was the sexual feeling of being lusted for by five men I didn’t know.

How did you feel during Amanda’s pantomime with you at the bar? (Nudo)

This, again, gave me initially a feeling of apprehension about how far she would take it. Of course, when she “installs” me on the wet bar at home for real, I am completely naked. Here, I was topless, but wearing a skirt. I wondered if she’d lift my skirt up from behind and show them my pussy rearward. But she didn’t.

Otherwise, the pantomime was more of a single pose on my part, and a technical description from Amanda to the men. I don’t remember it being particularly substantial for me as far as feelings go.

Please say more about your reactions to the younger dominants. (Amanda’s lifestyle friend, Dayna)

Yes, good question… Two of the five dominants were in their twenties.

Most of my submission experiences have been with people older than me. Amanda is a decade older, Master McKenna is fifty-five. Some other dominants in their circles that I’ve been around have been in their fifties, some almost sixty — often twenty-plus years older than me.

This isn’t by my choice — I don’t control these things, obviously. And I don’t know why older dominants seem drawn to me.

When I’m with older dominants, I feel it to be comfortable — maybe it’s the age-as-authority thing. I submit easily with people significantly older than me. It’s a good vibe somehow.

So when I’m around dominants younger than me it’s a different vibe. It’s not a resistance to their authority as a dominant. In the case of the retreat, the two younger men were clearly accomplished and mature and serious about pursuing the lifestyle. But some of it might be just a sense that we are peers by age, that in an earlier time I might have been in college with them — although that wouldn’t literally be possible as I am six or seven years older, it feels like that. At the retreat, it came to my mind occasionally that one of these younger doms might in another context ask me out on a date.

And here I am standing in front of them submissively in a collar, on a leash, with my breasts bared. I’m not sure if that’s a deeper feeling of submission or a different kind of humiliation or what. But it’s different.

At least it has given me story ideas about a younger dominant man and an older submissive woman. That seems interesting to explore…

Was there any talk about the lesbian relationship between you and Amanda? I would imagine the men would be curious about that. (Neighbor Patricia Miller)

Patricia, yes, they were curious and asked about my bisexuality a number of times. This came out in my interview time the first evening and then also in the interview time with Amanda the next morning, but these questions popped up throughout the whole time.

Some of their interest, of course, was clearly prurient — an indulgence of their lustful interest in imagining me sexually with another woman. So be it. They had every right to explore me that way. That’s what I was there for.

Anyway, there were questions about my previous experiences with women, and what bisexuality meant in terms of how it felt for me with men versus women. I told them about my affair with Chandra, not in detail of course, but how and what happened. I said that for me being with a woman sexually felt as fully natural as being with a man felt, but that it was different in the experience.

In a situation like that, being in a room full of dominant men, do you ever think about one or another of them being your own dominant? If you could choose one or another of them, who would your choose? (Chris)

Interesting question. I didn’t think any of that them, but will now. There were two of them who felt to me like they were over-compensating, and I was not drawn to them. (True alpha males don’t need to try so hard to appear alpha.)

One of the (older) men was more natural in his dominance, or so it felt to me. He was stern at times with me, though not cold, just seeming to assume my place and slave purpose and treating me as such. I liked that I responded to that pretty deeply. I would probably choose him.

The other candidate in my mind is one of the younger doms. Despite what I said above about the younger men, I think I would like to experience that sometime. That dynamic would be interesting to me.

Do you think Amanda would ever consider having a retreat like this one, only with prospective female dominants? (Neighbor Patricia Miller)

I don’t know. It’s an interesting idea, Patricia. She would be so good at it, don’t you think? We could have it here at the house, with high tea served one of the afternoons…

retreat q and a: 2

It seems I got surprised by the number of questions still coming in. It looks now like there’ll be a total of four Q&A posts. There are a few quite substantial questions requiring longer replies — involving Master McKenna’s philosophy of D/s — that I’ll put in the fourth post. And yet a third post to come featuring more from you all. All great questions and I’m eager to reply, but this may take another day or two.

Where did you stay during the retreat? At the mansion? Did others stay at the mansion too? If you stayed there overnight, did you ever feel vulnerable to those that were there? (from Kevin, though not “The Kevin,” but another Kevin, an email acquaintance)

Yes, I stayed at the mansion the whole time. For me to drive back and forth each day was too time-consuming. Also, both Master and Mistress felt it was better for me to have the immersive experience of staying there nights. Immersive it was.

As many bedrooms as the mansion has, there were more people in the non-profit group than could be housed there. So they split up and about half of them stayed at a nearby hotel.

As for the lifestyle group, the five dominants stayed at the mansion. Upstairs, besides my bedroom suite, there were four other bedrooms. One of the men took a downstairs guest bedroom.

No, I didn’t feel vulnerable to anyone while I was there. Master McKenna had made it clear to them that I was not to be played with. They respected my place as his property. After sessions in the evening, I retired to my bedroom suite, and no one ever knocked on my door late or tried to come in.

Regarding Master McKenna’s statement, “Always remember she is my slave” — you are actually Mistress Amanda’s property. Should McKenna have said this differently? (Multiple people asked this)

This was actually discussed by Amanda and Master McKenna beforehand, and they agreed it was best to present me to the men as owned by him. They felt it had to be clear to the dominants that Master McKenna was in full possession of me.

Even so, the men understood that my primary ownership was with Amanda. In fact, this was addressed in the interview session with her, which I haven’t been able to share on my blog as yet. They knew the actual background of this: that I am owned by Amanda, provided to Master McKenna.

I think, from their point of view, the technicalities of my ownership didn’t matter much. I was a real slave in their midst, half the time bare-breasted before them. They probably didn’t care much beyond that.

Did Master McKenna ever have sex with you (at night) during the retreat? (College friend Jeremy)

(Jeremy, I think you’re having too much fun asking me this…) No, he did not. I think he chose not to primarily because of the late night sessions and early morning prep for us both. I needed the sleep each night, and I presume he did too.

I am curious about Amanda putting her arm around you….was it to comfort you, or to signal to everyone that you belonged to her? (Nora)

This was after the “walking” demonstration out front with me on a leash, topless…

Yes, it was a signal of comfort, sort of her saying to me, “You’re doing good.” That meant a lot to me in the moment, because the experience of being in that situation half exposed with all those dominant men was overwhelming. I was handling it, but it was a lot of objectification to deal with.

There was also in it a sense that Amanda, being a woman, knew what I was going through as a woman in the midst of men, and appreciated my fortitude in it as well as my obedience.

Did anyone touch your breasts when you were topless? (Chris)

Yes. I can’t recall if I wrote this in my posts — I think I did. Maybe not. There was a brief exercise when Master McKenna had me standing topless, my wrists shackled behind my back.

He spoke about how a master’s physical handling of a slave’s breasts was a form of communication. It contributed to her objectification, he explained, and her release of herself to him. It suggested he, the dom, had access to her breasts while she did not. They were a visible part of her body available to him and not her. It was all symbolic of her sexual submission.

“Different forms of handling her breasts,” he said, “can signal different things. Your pleasure or displeasure, her place as an object, her vulnerability.” He spoke about my breasts being kind of a “rudder by which to steer the ship.” (Besides that statement being quite objectifying, it also seems an odd analogy. Am I a cruise ship?)

Master McKenna then had each of the men step up to me and “handle” my breasts in a kind of practice of the principles of his lesson. So I had a lot of “hands on deck,” so to continue the forced analogy.

Now, this was very brief — all of just ten minutes, perhaps — it all happened in a flash. But, yes, they each had some time handling, fondling, squeezing my breasts. It was very objectifying, of course, but by that time the whole retreat had been so, and maybe I was a little numb to it.

It occurred to me this might have been Master’s concession to the men wanting/needing physical interaction with me. I suppose it would have been odd for a dominant to be in a retreat like this with a slave girl and never have the chance to actually touch her.

In fact, even with this I think they expected more interaction with me than they got.

retreat q and a: 1

This will be at least three parts. I am still collecting questions, so free to add a question in a comment below or send it to me by email —

The questions have come to me not only from comments and emails but also from a few people who know me in my daily life. I am arranging the questions in an approximate chronological order to the retreat.

Do you think the purpose of the lifestyle retreat was for the education of the five dominants or to create an experience for you in the presence of those men? (Neighbor John Miller)

The retreat was serious teaching about the art of dominance, and my place in it was relatively peripheral. I cannot imagine Master McKenna setting up the entire retreat for my sake.

Master McKenna has so far been intent of developing me for him — shaping me to his preferences. Amanda is about developing me for me. That’s not a criticism of him, just the current truth of it. So he would not be thinking “Shae needs an experience with dominant men.” But Amanda would, and I have no doubt that, given the retreat was going to happen, Amanda saw it as a learning experience for me.

It served both intentions, but I would not suggest that I was so important to Master McKenna’s intentions in planning the retreat.

I’m curious if as the slave there is any sort of vetting process that goes on with regards to the would-be dominants you encounter? In other words, is it enough that Master McKenna says they are dominants or do they still need to prove themselves as such? (Dave)

Dave, my understanding is that, for the retreat, each man attending was chosen by Master McKenna. Two of them were referred to him by other dominant friends; three he had met before. I assume he had conversations with all of them before inviting them to the retreat. I also heard second-hand (through Amanda) there were two others Master McKenna had decided not to invite. So he was vetting the group on some basis.

At the retreat, in the introductories, he mentioned that each of those present was “seriously considering the D/s lifestyle.” He seemed to know at least that much about them. I think the vetting of them was simply Master McKenna’s own process and his confidence that they were real dominants.

We have now followed an extended weekend with two different groups of participants…The first group consisted of women and men. If any of these were dominant, without themselves exploiting or knowing that they are, would you recognize such a quality? Can you recognize dominance based on speech or behavior? Can you recognize a dominant near you via atmospheric vibes, psychic [vibes] or by eye contact? (Nudo)

A great question. Yes and no.

Yes, I am often able to detect someone’s dominance if I have some time in a room with them. Dominants have body language and speech tells, and I pick up on those things even in vanilla situations. These aren’t always what you might think: it isn’t true that a man who publicly shows control and authority is actually dominant — often a person overcompensates for his weakness. But I often sense these body and speech signals. Also, if someone is in direct conversation with me, I tend to feel their assumption of authority over me in their language and tone. Again, this isn’t always what you might think it to be. It’s rather subtle.

No, I don’t have any psychic vibes or magical sense about dominant persons, and I can’t tell if someone is dominant just by looking into their eyes. It isn’t like that. But if I have some time in their presence, I can feel the dominance of someone.

Here’s a follow-up question from Nudo, which got a bit mangled in translation. I’m pretty sure I know what he’s asking, so I am paraphrasing: Regarding group two, the dominant men. Could it be that some of them do not have the quality of true dominance and seek D/s experiences just for the sexual arousal and pleasure? (Nudo)

Yes, I think there are many people exploring the possibilities of a dominant life, as these men at the retreat were doing by being there. Again, I expect Master McKenna had a pretty good sense of the five of them being real dominants. But the retreat was really about this very thing — providing the men a way of determining if they were truly dominant enough to seriously consider a D/s life.

But you’re also suggesting there are pretenders among us, people who present themselves as dominant but aren’t, just using the pretense to have sex with submissive women like me. I suppose there are such people, and that we submissives are vulnerable to them. For me, as it seems I am so thoroughly dominated these days 😉, it seems unlikely I would be in danger of that.

1. Was it exciting for you, to be at the center of so many men’s attention? (Mister Archie)

2. You have written in the past how being in the presence of dominants, especially male dominants, makes you feel; how you have even a great awareness of your submissiveness and your status as a slave. I’m curious to know how you felt being in a room full of male Doms. Specifically, how did you feel being there as Master McKenna’s slave when he had you topless, heeled, collared and leashed? Was it exciting? Arousing? Submissively satisfying? (CJ)

Mr. Archie, eventually, yes, it was exciting for me to be in the middle of so many dominants. But there were several mental processes I had to go through first to get to the level of comfort to allow myself to feel the submissive excitement in the situation.

For any submissive woman in such a situation there is a primary concern about safety. I was never outright fearful, but this was my first “public” experience under Master McKenna and it was with five strangers. I didn’t know what the dominants would be like or if Master McKenna would be able to control them. As it happened, the very first night Master McKenna said some things to them that proved his control, and I relaxed from that point on.

I also was distracted about how far Master McKenna would go in revealing my body to the men. I expected he would make me undress, but how far he would take that, I didn’t know. I was hoping it would just be me topless and not much more. Which it was.

So it took some time for me to settle into a comfort zone there, which is why I say eventually it was exciting for me.

CJ, being in a room of male dominants was indeed a deep submissive and sexual experience for me. Like you say, I’ve written about being in the presence of dominant people before, but this was a concentrated immersion in a space of so many dominants all at once — a distinctly new experience for me. Yes, it was (my god!) arousing.

For one thing, it pushed me into a level of submission that is somewhat uncommon in my experience. Amanda noticed this too. It’s one of the varieties of sub-space. Collared, heeled, and leashed — and especially later when I was also topless — I became extremely docile and compliant. It seems counter-intuitive: you’d think in a strange situation of strangers, I would have some defenses up; even in daily life with Amanda, while I am submissive to her, I obey with a touch of attitude or humor. In this, I just became utterly acquiescent. Maybe it was a deeper surrender that came from knowing I was surrounded by six dominant men. There was a lot of testosterone in the room.

I suppose it was “submissively satisfying,” as you inquire, CJ, but I’m not sure how to calculate that. But yes, it aroused me submissively. My body tends to show my excitement all too readily — my chest gets rosy and freckled and my nipples grow pinker and become pointed and my face flushes — I cannot hide my arousal. Some of the men there commented on that even, and I became self-conscious.

Do you think that if there’s another retreat, Master McKenna would give the men access to you sexually? If so, how would you feel about that? (College friend Jeremy)

Yes, probably.

I don’t think Master McKenna would allow the men just to have their way with me during the retreat or overnight, but I well imagine he would have training activities and demonstrations that would perhaps involve me sexually with them.

How I feel about that… well, it’s one of those situations that I would find both humiliating and arousing. More below…

From a comment to a pre-retreat post, but it applies here: I did wonder how the idea of one or more Mr. Smiths plays to your self-described promiscuous nature. Does the idea of a lack of familiarity with the participants enhance or detract from the pleasure of the experience? Are the two thought processes even connected? (Dave)

Here’s how I replied to his comment on my post “being shared”:

Dave, thanks — good thoughts. You may be right that some men would not want Amanda watching. Do you think maybe that’s a specific kink for certain men?.. To your question (a very perceptive one), yes the multiple Smiths idea does play to my promiscuous dynamic, and the two processes are very much connected inside me… For me, there is shame in being known as promiscuous, and the prospect of being with strangers sexually is in some sense a definition of being promiscuous. At the same time, the idea of being promiscuous is extremely arousing to me, I must admit…. The lack of familiarity with a stranger would enhance my sexual experience, but not necessarily for the sex itself, rather for the idea of being used sexually by someone I don’t know.

Here are some of my further thoughts on this in the context of the retreat:

Being in the presence of five dominant men certainly compelled in me feelings of desire and fantasies about the possibilities as well as the shame of promiscuity. I can’t deny I sometimes have desires to be taken by a stranger, and here were five strangers. I have sometimes indulged in the fantasy of multiple men at the same time, and the possibility of the five having me there in The Great Room was always around the corner in my mind. Also in all of it, I had a sense of my promiscuity in it, the simple shame of standing half nude, collared, and leashed before a group of men.

As is much in the slave life, it is and was all of the above.

Did Master McKenna ever really tell you how he thought you did? (Lily)

I have found that Master McKenna is restrained in his handing out of praise. In my trainings with him, he tends to say “such and such” was “acceptable.”

As a perfectionist achiever, I find this drives me nuts. It’s like being in a pass/fail class, which I always disliked. I’ve learned that Master McKenna’s “acceptable,” means I did it has he wants it.

As I think I posted somewhere, Master McKenna spoke with Amanda after the retreat and expressed to her his appreciation for my presence and how I did well. He and I have not had another time since, but perhaps when I see him again, he will express how acceptable I was 😉.

I will also say that during the retreat there were a lot of times when Master McKenna would stand beside me as were between sessions. Again, he didn’t offer high praise, but I got the sense he was reasonably pleased. Sometimes you can feel that a dom is proud to have you attached to him.

More to come…

your questions?

Follower and friend nudo asked me some good questions about my retreat experience, and he wondered if I might open it up to questions from others as well.

And so I will:

If you have questions about my retreat time, my experience, what was said, and so on — leave me a question in the comments below.

I’ll collect questions submitted to me here and post a “q and a” with my answers to them.

the weekend with Master McKenna: 12: Tuesday

I think I shall make this the last of my “weekend posts,” with some of the recorded interview content to come later, when it becomes available.

I’ll just say briefly that there was one late session Monday night — an evening chat with bourbon and scotch and cigars. Master had me there even though nothing actually involved me.

He made me topless for it and had me sit on the floor next to him as he sat in his leather chair. Amanda was not with us for the evening, and so it was just me with six dominant men.

One has feelings in this.

Certainly the dominance in the room was substantial, calling out my “deep submissive.” I had nothing to do that night, just had to sit in my objectification, allowing myself to be viewed in my slavery by dominant men. This became a fairly immense subspace I crawled into for most of the evening.

There was also sexual feeling, a lot of it, quite frankly. I’m sure each of the men there, talking through the haze of cigar smoke, saw me in my bare-breasted, short-skirted corner and, in some mind space, had sex with me in different ways. Yet that in itself was not much different from the rest of my slave life, as I live more and more publicly in front of others.

But I realize have to come to terms with the fact that the idea of being with multiple men sexually is somehow appealing to me. Well, “appealing” is such a euphemism there. Yes, it’s much more than that. I have my own sexual thing here, it seems…

Anyway… no sex actually happened Monday night. Just a lot of wishful thinking.

The Tuesday morning sessions marked the end of the retreat.

Again Master had me topless and in a collar, heels, and short skirt. Each time, by the way, he had me take my top off in front of everyone — there was something about my undressing in the room with them watching that he wanted. Not sure why.

Master led a very brief session on bondage. Master made the point that when people think of this lifestyle, they immediate think of bondage scenes, and yet that’s not the real essence of D/s. “If anything has come through this weekend,” he said, “I hope it’s that D/s is a serious lifestyle that’s played out in real life. Bondage can be a part of it, but ultimately, it’s not what it’s about.”

There was further discussion on discipline and punishment, and how those are usually different from bondage.

Amanda had joined us again, and she spoke of how she has retrofitted the house to accommodate “lifestyle bondage,” as she put it. She described the entryway wall, having me stand against a wall in the Great Room to demonstrate. She also brought everyone around the bar on the other side of the Great Room and had me pantomime my position when locked into our wet bar at home.

After a break, Amanda spoke on the subject of public play. She talked about our neighbors and teatimes, her efforts to normalize our lifestyle in the neighborhood. She mentioned public places, parks, and the difference between meaningful public display and random public exposure. She emphasized the responsibility of the dominant to control such public scenes.

The final session of the morning was a discussion of “next steps” for each of the men. I thought this was very good. Master posed three questions to the men, something like:

  1. After this weekend, do you see yourself as truly being dominant and living a dominant lifestyle? He emphasized there was no shame in coming to the conclusion this isn’t for you.
  2. What is your long-term goal for satisfying your dominance? Owning a slave girl full-time? A part-time arrangement? Occasional adventures with a submissive?
  3. What are the practical next steps for you to achieve your goal?

There was talk about another retreat next year, perhaps a follow up with these same men.

Later this week, Amanda tells me (feedback from Master McKenna) that all of the men there had been energized by the retreat and had been given the incentive to pursue some form of the lifestyle. She says that seeing me mastered by Master McKenna was frequently one of the things helpful to them.

“Of course,” she says, “they all want you specifically. They want you to be their slave.”

“But they can’t have me,” I say.

She doesn’t answer, which is a tease.

I repeat: “But they can’t have me… right?”

Amanda smiles and finally relents: “No, I won’t let them have you.” She adds: “As their slave, anyway.”

the weekend with Master McKenna: 11: Monday afternoon

We started late on Monday afternoon because of the extended interview time, getting back into the conversation pit at about 1:30. Master McKenna had billed this next section as a demonstration, and I wasn’t surprised that it involved me.

He put me on the longer leash and had me stand by his side as he sat. He talked about protocols, how they address various social situations and dictate how a dom wants his slave to present and behave within each type of situation. “This is not fixed in stone. You can decide what protocols you want.”

He told them he had four protocols for me, asking me to detail them.

Standing leashed beside his chair, wearing my too-little skirt and button-down blouse, I was surprised he turned this over to me, but I did my best without prep. I explained that Protocol One is for special situations or private times alone with Master in which he wants to see me but not hear me, so it requires my formal behavior but without sound or speech. Protocol Two is for lifestyle situations in which I observe formal body language and formal speech, referring to him as “Master McKenna.” Protocol Three is for mixed groups where some know my status and other don’t — dictating formal body language but general more relaxed speech — “Mister McKenna.” Protocol Four is an entirely vanilla crowd in which my body language is more normalized, as is my speech.

I said it all something like that.

There was a point where Master McKenna said to the men, “Say you’re in a vanilla or mixed crowd, for example — you wouldn’t want your slave slipping up and calling you ‘Master.’” (Of course, this was a dig at my faux pas with the previous “nonprofit” group. He said it seriously for the doms, but he glanced at me with a subtle smirk. No one there picked up on the inside joke — they didn’t know. But I did, and I blushed.)

Master McKenna went on to talk about obedience training. “I’ll have Shae, in a minute, demonstrate the body language of our top protocol, but I need to say one other thing…”

He went on to talk about “immediate obedience.” Which was, of course, the conditioning of a slave to respond to orders without thinking, just obeying. “We’re all made to question, evaluate, consider, think,” he said. “It takes a lot to train a girl out of that.” Immediate obedience was the significant measure of control “you want to get to with your slave.”

He turned to me: “Shae, there’s a coin under the coffee table. Get it for me.”

It was a good thing I was paying attention. Without pausing, I walked to the coffee table, knelt (while managing my short skirt), and reached under, where there was indeed a quarter beside one of the table’s legs. I fetched it and returned it to Master McKenna, handing it to him.

He said to the group, “Your slave should not expect to know why you are ordering her to do something… Shae, squat here beside my chair.”

I stooped down, keeping my legs together (again minding my short skirt), and settled into a squat, balancing myself as best I could.

He went on to talk for a minute or so as I remained squatting. “Sometimes orders should be random and without purpose,” he said. “It tests your slave. And sometimes pushes your slave to her limits…” Right when my thighs were getting weary, he said, “Shae you may stand.” And I did, managing to do so without using my hands to help myself up.

“Again,” he said to them, “you want to train your slave into immediate obedience.”

He turned to me: “Shae, unbutton your top and take it off.”

He had not prepped me on any of this, but I cannot say I was completely surprised by his order to make myself topless. He had told me that things at this retreat would be “sexual but not sex,” and I imagined that eventually it would mean some form of undress for me. I had thought about this possibility beforehand, and I had come to some acceptance of what might happen. And now here it was.

“Shae, unbutton your top and take it off.”

My hands didn’t hesitate to go to my top buttons, even though undressing wasn’t easy for me. These were five men, strangers to me, all dominant, and I was very self-conscious around them anyway, and now more so in revealing to them my breasts.

Amanda was there, watching and enjoying, directly across from me. I focused on her, imagining myself undressing for her in the normal course of our lives. That made it easier.

I unbuttoned myself, finally pulling the panels of my blouse back, and pulling my arms through. I handed the top to Master McKenna, and stood beside him, my breasts bared to all.

I remember there being comments from the men.

Master McKenna asked Amanda something and Amanda responded that she keeps me in some state of undress a lot of the time.

One of the men blurted out, “I can see why!” and the other men laughed.

I blushed and stood silent in my humiliation.

Master moved the session into a demonstration of body language and had me act out my training in sitting, standing, and walking.

I was still topless. And though I didn’t realize it then, he would keep my breasts bared before the men all afternoon.

I won’t go through the specifics of those demonstrations here, as I’ve described them in a previous post. I’ll just say he had me demonstrate first “standing” and “sitting,” emphasizing some of the subtle differences within various protocols.

For the walking demonstration, Master McKenna said, “Let’s take this outside.”

His mansion is set back from a frontage road by maybe the length of a football field. Maybe it’s a bit shorter than that. A long driveway lined by trees leads up to the mansion, emptying into a drive circle with a fountain in the middle. Master relocated us there on the circle.

I was not concerned about people in cars on the frontage road driving by and seeing me — the general public glimpsing me topless. You get to a point of “whatever” and just don’t care. But that road was far enough away as not to make that a concern. What I was more aware of was a catering truck parked to the side, near the kitchen entrance, and the catering people going in and out. They had a clear view of the proceedings along the circle.

Master McKenna had me on the long leash and walked me around the circle. Along the way, he explained how he liked me at about a four feet length from him, a stride and a half back. I walked as I am trained to, observing the distance.

I was well aware there were five sets of eyes watching my breasts ripple as I walked. It was both lust and possessional desire. I didn’t even need to look at them. A girl just knows.

Master McKenna took me off the leash and explained the notion of virtual tethering. Again, I’ve explained this in a previous post. He started to walk around the circle again, but then reversed course, doing some wide loops. He explained how in the course of real life, say a business situation or conference, “you want your slave there in a different protocol,” not on a leash, but “attached” in a virtual way.

I floated around him, as I’ve been trained, maintaining a distance of about four feet as he moved in random directions and loops.

He showed how in a crowd this becomes more challenging, and he then walked among them, shaking hands with each as if we were at a conference. I navigated my distance, weaving around them, floating behind Master as if I were leashed.

Master McKenna made the point that there was no right way to do this, that each of them might have a different requirement for walking a slave. “What would your requirements be?” he asked rhetorically. “How do you want your slave to move and walk when she’s with you?” He gave them time to think about it and then to state their desired preference.

As each stated their preference, Master handed them my leash, now reattached to my short chain, and each of the men walked me around the circle. I had to adapt myself to their requirements. Mostly these were modest differences of distance and which side they wanted me on, but one wanting me walking in front of him and another had me next to him, almost shoulder-to-shoulder.

I found it helpful to focus on the work of the demonstration and handling the specifics of each man’s preferences accurately. This distracted me from my top nakedness. Even so focused, however, I was always aware of myself among the men, feeling their dominance and lust.

I remember now that Master paid me a passing compliment. It was after he had me demonstrate being tethered virtually, and talking about conferences and conventions and group meetings. He said, “Slave Shae has just finished a conference with me. She was on a virtual leash the whole time. She did well… You want a slave to be available to you as you want to use her, but not underfoot…” so he continued.

Later we finished outside, and walking back in, Amanda came alongside me. Though saying nothing, she put her arm around me.

I think the men watched that too.

Thankfully, Master allowed me to be dressed for the catered dinner Monday evening.

the weekend with Master McKenna: 10: Monday morning

Amanda showed up right after breakfast, and it was good to see her after we’d been several days apart.

Again I was dressed in a short skirt, tight top, and heels. Master McKenna had attached a short, one-foot length of chain link to my collar. It hung from my O-ring to just below my bodice, dangling loose. It provided an image of being leashed without the longer leash tether attached. For practical purposes, Master didn’t want the longer length always dragging the floor and underfoot. When Master wanted to, he attached the longer length to the end of my short dangling chain.

Amanda said it was “a good look” for me.

“My greatest fear,” I said, “is that you’ll get from this all sorts of diabolical new ideas.”

“Always learning,” she replied.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that this retreat with five dominant men was one of her diabolical ideas.

I should say something about Amanda being around the men there. She had been introduced to everyone before the the start of the first session. I think they didn’t quite know what to do with her at first — another woman in their midst, one who was herself dominant. And she’s so attractive. Certainly they all knew that women can be dominant too, but I think some of the older men struggled with the gender stereotype of dominance being male, whereas the younger men had no issue with it.

Also, I think that they weren’t quite sure now how to treat me in Amanda’s presence. They knew she was my primary owner, and had been told of my hybrid slavery to both her and Master McKenna. Yet, there’s something about the dominant treatment of a slave girl (me) in the presence of another woman that might have been initially challenging for some of them.

But Amanda established her presence with them through the day. Woo and all that.

Master McKenna spoke for the first part of the morning on what it means to be dominant. This was sort of a lecture, although casual and interactive. He was sitting during this time, and he spoke from notes in his lap. He took questions throughout.

He spoke first about responsible dominance, what it is and isn’t (which I thought was quite interesting), and about choice and consent. He emphasized how dominance was never abuse but it also wasn’t, in his view, “coddling” or “doting.”

He got into forms of dominance: psychological, physical, sexual, mental. He talked about the lifestyle choices possible for the men: “Do you want — companionship or ownership, slave girl or girlfriend, full-time or part-time, submissive or slave?”

There was a mid-morning break, and Master had me take coffee orders. I served the men and Amanda, even though there was a coffee table set up on the far end which they frequented on their own through the day.

I began then to really feel the presence of the dominant men around me.

The evening before had focused me on the men’s names and stories and the introductory comments by Master McKenna, as well as presenting myself acceptably according to Master’s expectations.

Now, Monday morning, I was more aware of the dominance of the five men surrounding me. This put me in a deeper submissive place. All good, except that at times I was asked to speak, and then had to climb out of that slave place to address the room.

The men also affected me sexually, of course. While I didn’t want it to become a “sex party,” as Master had put it, once I was assured that the retreat would never get out of hand, I frankly found myself sitting in the midst in a puddle of sub-sexual desires. They were men, after all, and dominant.

Amanda was given time to speak on “Caring for a Female Slave.” Again, I don’t have time to get into this here, but I thought it was really good, and I’ll try to capture it somehow for a later post.

There was a second morning break and then Amanda and I were interviewed by the group. Master McKenna had a basic outline of topics and started the interview according to a pattern, but the men eventually entered into the questioning.

This had been scheduled for an hour, but lasted into lunchtime. Sandwiches had been catered in, and Master McKenna suggested we continue the interview after people had fetched their food.

So the interview lasted until about one o’clock.

Again, this was recorded, and I think it will be available later for me to post.

the weekend with Master McKenna: 9: general comments

It’s Tuesday afternoon as I write this, and the lifestyle retreat is nearly over.

I apologize for not writing during the events of these past two days, but I had precious little time to myself and couldn’t keep up.

I will, of course, share it all with you in the next few days, but it just won’t be concurrent with the events happening.

I realize now that the retreat had another shadow purpose beside the primary one of Master McKenna tutoring some dominant men. It was all of that, yes, but at the same time the retreat was used by Master McKenna and Amanda, working together, to provide me some new experiences and challenges and humiliations, which I will tell about in due time.

I might have figured Amanda would not let the opportunity of a roomful of dominant men go to waste…

I am gratified that I was pleasing (I think) to both of them, not only in my obedience to their orders of undress, but also in my contributions to two separate interview times — the one Sunday night with just me, and then the one Monday morning with Amanda and me.

I am especially glad that I was able to be consistent in my body language — the basics of standing, sitting, and walking — that Master McKenna trained me in and expects of me.

I will be home tonight, and perhaps I’ll get some feedback from Amanda.

She is giving me a free day tomorrow, ostensibly to rest and recover. The truth is I’m doing reasonably well and I’ve been able to sleep well this whole time. These sessions have been intense in deeply submissive ways, but I have stayed present in them and nothing was allowed to be traumatic for me.

Tomorrow, I should have time to reprise the events of these past few days in additional posts.

Again, I am grateful for all the lovely comments to my recent posts. I will respond to them each. Many thanks.

the weekend with Master McKenna: 8

I wrote the following early this morning, and just now have the chance to post it. The events of this part of the weekend are getting beyond my ability to keep up in my postings. I’ll see if I can provide an overview of today later tonight. The more detailed accounts will have to wait until I get home later this week. In the meantime, I’ll just say today has been interesting, with some new experiences, but I’m OK.

It’s early Monday morning, and I have a few minutes for a brief report about last night. I won’t be able to go into all the prepared commentary and the questions posed to me — I’ll leave that for later follow-up.

The five men arrived between four and six last night. Three of them are, I would say, in their late forties or early fifties; two are younger, perhaps late twenties. I mention ages because I haven’t really had much interaction with dominant men younger than me, and it feels like a different vibe. I’m not sure what that is, and I’ll think on it more. It’s fine, but it just sparks in me a different submissive feeling.

Around seven, the men assembled in the Great Room corner, in the leather chairs and couches around the Oriental rug.

Master had me wearing a simple but short black mini-skirt, a button-down burgundy blouse, and five-inch heels. Simple but dressy, semi-formal. Of course, he put me in my slave collar, the wide titanium one with an O-ring in front. Dark red lipstick. My hair wasn’t cooperating yesterday, but I guess it looked okay.

Master walked me in on a leash, perhaps a touch dramatic, although I swear there was no drum roll. It was really all very casual. He announced me as his slave, and suggested that they all should introduce themselves. Which they did in a further time of meet and mingle.

These are clearly dominant men, two of them especially talkative and (over)-acting macho. One of the younger men is quiet but clearly following everything keenly, taking it in. Another seems to be a group comedian — there’s always one. As they each made the rounds to introduce themselves, several tried extra hard, it seemed, to show me their dominance, usually by copping a condescending tone. I am used to be condescended to, and it can be appropriate, but there’s a way of doing it that several of these men haven’t learned yet. I found myself hoping that they’ll learn from Master McKenna’s example of how a dominant man doesn’t have to try so hard.

There was an open bar, and most of the men were fetching whiskey or scotch for themselves. One of them asked if I wanted something to drink. I looked over to Master McKenna, standing at one side of the conversation area, for permission. He’d overheard, and nodded. A lot of eyes were on me at the time, and so others watched my silent interaction with Master.

I asked for a red wine, and one was produced for me in a minute or so.

Master had me sit on the floor beside him, my leash in his hand.

Again, I won’t take time to detail most of the conversation last night. I believe later there will be a transcript of what was recorded. I’ll post that in coming days and weeks.

However, I will mention that Master McKenna, after welcoming them and delivering some opening comments, explained to them my status, my primary ownership under Amanda, and the arrangement between her and him to share me. He said to them that I was there to speak from the perspective of a real slave in an active slavery and to demonstrate aspects of slave training and behavior. I was there for them to learn “firsthand how to handle a live-in slave.”

I don’t remember his exact words, but Master McKenna also said something like this: “Shae is a possession,” he said. “She accepts herself at lower status, a piece of property. As a submissive, she wants and needs this, and she has decided to live her life this way. You and I are dominant, and we want girls like Shae to own and master. This is what we’ll be talking about the next two days.”

“I need to make something clear for the time we are together this week: Shae accepts that all of us, as dominants, are at a higher level than she is. As a result, she will respect you in that. She will be polite to you, serve you, obey you in certain things, because this is how she is trained. But I want each of you to understand — Shae is my slave property. So I will not tolerate any misuse of her. This is not a sex party. Yes, we will have sessions that are a little more hands-on and explicit, but I will not allow any physical or sexual activity with her outside of our sessions and my permissions. You are encouraged to treat her as the slave she is, but always remember she is my slave.”

Anyway, not that I was really worried for my safety, but that made me feel protected.

There was a time for each of them to introduce themselves. I’ll probably not attach names to the men in my reporting for these next two days — I cannot use their real names, and using pseudonyms will just confuse me in the real sessions with them now. I also need to be careful of revealing personal things shared.

However, it is fair for me to say there is one story common to several of them: a change in their relationship status and/or career, which now provides them opportunity for them to take their dominant interests more seriously and to consider a lifestyle change into D/s.

Master McKenna then delivered a prepared session, speaking of different kinds of dominance and different models for alternative, D/s arrangements. One especially good part, I felt, was “Things You Should Decide As You Enter the Dominant Life.” Again, more on all this later.

There was a break around nine. I took drink orders from each of the men, and served them.

The last session of the evening was the Q&A with me. Master allowed me to sit in a chair next to him, my legs angled just so, and I held my wine glass without fuss or fidget in my lap. He wrapped his end of my leash around the arm of his chair. Master then had me talk about my own submissive journey, and I shared some of my story with the men— which I’ve posted here on my blog in dribs and drabs, some recently.

Master opened it up to questions. Initially, there were the expected questions of when I first knew I was submissive, when and how I first knew I would enter the life, and how I was first acquired. There was a lot of interest in limits and negotiation, which I always have to answer in two ways — one more general to most D/s arrangements, and one specific to me. One really good question was “How do you think of yourself, being a slave?” Later there were specific questions of my bisexuality, my attractions to men versus women, and my sexual use as a sex slave. The questions became more probing, intimate, and sometimes raw, but for me not too much to respond to.

The Q&A went on till at least eleven-thirty.