the movement of clouds

She acquired me to be her submissive slave, but with her I have come into other “modes of being” — assistant and girlfriend and lover, among others. I have written about this times before.

She and I are all these relationships floating together, often drifting from one into another in short spans, as natural as the movement of clouds. Yet in every mode of relationship, she is still my mistress in some way, however formal or informal she has me be. Even in our swoons of communion as girlfriend-lovers, our wet pussies kissing, she possesses me in ways I cannot describe.

There are certain words of ardor in describing some vanilla relationships — being “possessed,” “captivated,” “consumed” by another — words of helpless infatuation that find space on Valentine’s Day cards. But in a D/s relationship these words have real meaning because they are literally true. This has been the wonder of my life with Amanda — how my being captivated and consumed by her in formal slavery possesses me in all my other modes with her as well.

This is not sweetsy sentiment with flowers and chocolate (although we both love chocolate), but the alchemy of the D/s life in which one gives all of herself to another. As she shackles me naked to the entryway wall, she possesses me and makes me her literal valentine, sliding a dark chocolate into my sex, where it begins to melt. In this, I cede to her everything — my dignity, my body, my self. There is no deeper place to go. And when I am taken down, and the chocolate has been sucked, and we are again on the couch talking as companions, that same alchemy transforms our friendship. I am now to her a girlfriend who sacrifices herself in such a thing as that. And she is to me a girlfriend in whom I can trust everything.

As clouds, we float and billow, touch, and merge as one. When we separate, we become two once again. Yet even then, even now, we drift through our world in tandem.