the boy in him

I like Master M when he’s in his summer mode. It’s a slower time in his businesses, people are on vacation, and there are no board meetings until fall. So, his own work at the mansion becomes less driven. I like him this way not just because he has more time with us, but because he’s more relaxed, which makes him more playful and boyish.

I think perhaps every man has a boy inside him, a younger version of himself who is wide-eyed in wonder and fascinated by how the world works. Sometimes this boy emerges from the shadows, and you sense that he is from another time, playing. The adult is still there to guide and protect, almost as if this man-boy is mentor to himself. But the boy in him is more present and forward.

In this slow rolling rhythm of summer, I feel Master M the boy has more often come out to play.


At happy hour, he slides his hand high under my skirt. He says, “I wonder what’s up here.”

“If you don’t know by now,” I say, not finishing what’s obvious. I stand beside his chair as he talks with Maria, who is curled on the couch. Maria smiles at me, knowing my arousal and amused by my sass.

His hand slides between my thighs, higher up. I do not move, allowing him to have his way, because he owns me, of course, and has the right to my body, but also because I just want him to. “You can touch me,” I dare say to him, “up higher.”

“Maybe I don’t want to,” he says, sounding for a second like a petulant boy.

“Oh, really,” I say with soft sarcasm. “I think we know better.”

Maria laughs. Master grins. “Just wondering,” he says, “If I can get to first base with you.”

It’s all light-hearted and wink-wink, for indeed he has, from his point of view, not only gotten beyond first base with me but has won the whole damn World Series. Yet, it’s a sweet thing that, after a week of sex-saturated slavery, we return for a moment to near-innocence.


One morning as we all were working, I walked by Master’s desk and asked him, as Maria and I often do, if I could get him a refill on his coffee. He nodded yes, and I do so, refilling my mug and his in the kitchen.

Returning, I set his coffee on the desk, and for some reason say, “Just wondering if you need some more, ah, oral refreshment.”

He gives me a look of mixed lust and surprise, and I know what he’s thinking, that he’s used my mouth this week some four or five times a day, and now I’m asking for more?

“You really are insatiable,” he says.

“Well… It’s just that it’s now been almost three full hours since the last time…”

“Are you begging?” he asks.

I pause a moment. “So, I don’t like calling it that,” I say coyly. “Let’s just call it an official inquiry.”

He grins, thinks a moment. “I’ll take it under… official consideration.”

“Okay then,” I say, and with a flip of my hair and a swish of my skirt, I walk back to my desk.

In this kind of relaxed summer work day, he more readily spars with me verbally, like we are a boy and girl at the playground: “Did so!” Did not!” He gives space for my teasing flippancy, letting it float in the air, giving permission to color outside the lines.

He knows all the other times when I am more properly docile and mum, when I am seriously submerged in his humiliating dominance, when I am desperate in my submissive need. He knows he can put me back in that jack-in-the-box with a simple press of his dominant hand.

But for now, in these our summer reveries, he lets this Irish gal run a little wild.


It’s yesterday afternoon, and Master has me naked in the four-poster. But it isn’t for sex, rather for bondage fun. Maria watches and assists.

He has me in wrist cuffs and has pulled out several storage containers from the play closet. Two contain tow chains of various lengths. He’s built up a collection. One container has ropes. He has me get on my knees on the bed and methodically attaches chains to my wrist cuffs, then to the bed posts.

What follows is a couple hours of Master trying different things, putting me in various positions, and creating a myriad of bondages. It is interactive: he talks to me and Maria as he does things to me — asking me if I can bend this way or that, asking what Maria thinks of this look or that.

I have written before of Master growing up with Legos, how he sometimes seems like a boy building things. In this case, it seems more like he’s doing a jig-saw puzzle, trying chains in different places and positions to see if they “fit.” I don’t know if he’s aiming to complete a final picture, or if there are a number of pictures he’s creating on the fly.

At one point, with me still on my knees, Master fits my thighs with Velcro cuffs that we rarely use. To their O-rings, he attaches chains that pull my thighs apart into a wider, open stance.

“You could have told me just to spread my legs,” I tell him.

“Yes,” he retorts, “you never seem to resist doing that.”

“Nice… you realize that’s only for you… because you’re the Supreme Lord of my Universe, and I have to obey you.”

He laughs. “Well, you can go with that theory. I think the rest of the universe knows differently.”

“What do you mean?”

“That it doesn’t take much to get you to spread your legs.”

“Ha, ha.”

He explains what I already know — the visual of my thighs being bound apart suggests I am forced to have my legs open, that it’s against my will. In a way, that’s the image that all bondage suggests.

Maria doesn’t like the wide black Velcro cuffs. “She has pretty thighs, and that just ruins the look,” she says.

They both are standing together opposite me. The four-poster is like a stage, and they are the audience. Master agrees: “But let’s leave the cuffs on a while,” he says. “Maria, can you find her clover clamps?”

“My upstairs bedroom,” I say, “top drawer of the night table.”

When Maria returns, Master tells her to put them on my labia: “I want to see them her pussy.” In the moment, it feels to me that he is experimenting, like a boy who has found a shell on the beach, probing what’s deep inside.

Except here, he has Maria doing the probing. With my arms strung up to the top corners of the four-poster, I feel Maria tug out one of my labia lips and fuss with the clover clamp. She takes a while, and at one point drops it, only to start over. I feel her tighten one clamp. She asks if it’s too tight, and I say it needs to be tighter, else it will slide off. As she adjusts it, I enjoy her fingertips at the edges of my pussy.

Master, with a slight smile, asks, “What’s taking so long?”

I say, “I’m not complaining.”

He laughs. Maria giggles, then finishes, leaving me with the familiar weights clinging to my lips, tugging my sex down and out such that it draws attention.

She steps back and the two of them gaze for a long while, both of them analyzing the “presentation” that is me. Maria asks, “Could Shae wear just the chains? I mean, looped around her thighs directly, instead of the cuffs?”

Master seems to like the idea — though it could be that the idea simply gives him reason to tinker more with me. The cuffs are removed, and he loops chains around my thighs, adjusting the links so they hug my flesh without pinching.

They like this look better, and stand for some minutes in approval.

In time, they both walk away, heading to the wet bar for wine and bourbon, leaving me alone on the bed in my bondage.

“Hey,” I call after them. “What about me?”


It’s all been a kind of playtime, obviously adult, yet somehow not. It’s simple and unburdened. Soon enough, we will return to the harder and more complex world of work and serious slave-making, the frustrations and jealousies of our poly, the raw submissive and dominant needs that drive us.

But for now, we are blissfully lost in our sandbox. And he is a boy off from school for the summer.

Maria’s return

Maria is back, Master M has continued his frequent mouth-fucking of me, and all is “normal” once again in the mansion.

It’s hard to believe that it was only a year ago that Maria was receiving her initial slave training at the hand of Master M. She has become such a fixture in our D/s lives that I feel something’s “off” when she isn’t by my side. It’s been only a few days since I last was with her, yet I have missed her nonetheless.


As Maria has come into our lives this year, I have realized how solitary my slave life used to be. Living in 24/7 slavery alone was sometimes isolating, and while I wouldn’t say I was generally ever lonely, I did often feel I was the only one and no one could feel what I felt. Now, I just look over at her in whatever debasing slave predicament I’m in, and I see understanding and empathy in her eyes. She knows how I feel. And vice-versa. It’s nice.

Yet our slaveries are notably different, and there’s affirmation for me that comes from that as well. Maria is deeply amazed by my being a sex slave. She watches as Mistress displays me to the neighborhood and as Master puts me in sexual bondage, and she looks at me with a kind of awe as I endure it, for these are things she cannot imagine enduring herself.

Her observation of and respect for my slavery gives me a different experience than I used to have. And it makes me all the more committed in my slavery to him.


She is bemused by his new practice of mouth-fucking me. Maria well knows about my cock-addiction. “You must be in heaven with all this now,” she says.

“Just once I’d like it to be on my terms,” I sigh.

“Be glad for what it is. We don’t get anything on our terms.”

Despite having just a year’s experience, Maria sometimes spouts age-old D/s truth. Sometimes she just echoes what she’s been taught, yet without the experience to know it’s truth first-hand. But here, I know she’s right, that I should cherish the experience, even as utilitarian as it may be.

My faint regret is just that in some other life I might be able to truly love a man’s cock as part of loving a man. I mean, I do now, with him, with Blake, with anyone, for it’s the only way I can be — that is, to make love to a man’s cock. But there’s a difference between making love to a man’s manhood, and truly loving it in some way that is part of a larger loving of him.

To Maria, I blurt out, “Yes, but at least you get to love him.”

She hasn’t heard any of my inner dialogue, my segue into that, yet it’s a testament to her relational intuition that she understands exactly what’s in my heart, and she doesn’t miss a beat: “You know, Shae, he adores you.”

Her affirmation comes, I know, from a place of pillow talk with him, and maybe because of that, I consider it genuine. I take it into myself deeply.


Maria and Master M have been apart for nearly a month, and it’s been interesting to see them together again. He received her with his official dominant treatment, creating a “mansion initiation” for her (as he does me) and plunging her right into work process. Yet I feel their immediate emotional connection, a subtle but obvious intimacy, a private vibe, an unspoken language.

Her “welcome back to the mansion” initiation was simple: he strung her up to the ceiling T-bar. He made her topless, exposing her pretty grapefruits, though it wasn’t a public exposure for her, as it was just us in the room. He ordered her not to speak or make a sound. And he left her there for a full hour-and-a half while he worked at his desk. It was a visual act of “putting her in her place” and giving her the experience of being owned property again.

I have learned that these initiations (my squatting on the half-moon table in the atrium, for example), are actually beneficial to me, as they focus my mind back into my slave life, re-orienting me into my mansion life of servitude. I imagine the same is true for Maria.

But my point is that, even in her bound silence, Maria spoke volumes to Master M as he stood before her cupping her breasts. I watched her eyes find his, and I saw her submissive longing and his dominant manhood merge in some way I have not experienced. It’s rather beautiful actually.

I know some will ask if I’m jealous. Maybe a twinge, but not substantially so. I truly am happy for her and for him. But I also know this is how “poly” works. I’ve had my time with him before, she is having her time with him now. It may come back to me, or not. She and I may have our time together, a deeper intimacy, at some point. It’s fluid, just as poly is meant to be. I guess I’m accepting that more positively these days.


Lord knows, I don’t need to report on yet another cocksucking, but I have a purpose in this.

Later in the day of Maria’s return, Master had me take him in his mouth again. She was working at the conference table, but he had staged this cock-sucking just a few yards to the side so she could observe. It was indeed a staging, I felt, a kind of demonstration for Maria of my new skill developed this week while she was away, almost a pantomime of my now ubiquitous act of oral pleasuring.

He called to me, “It’s down time,” his clever euphemism for the occasion of my mouth service. Maybe for him the best part of the “demo” was my Pavlovian response — my immediate click-clack across the Great Room floor, my smooth transition into a V-squat at his feet with my skirt pulled up around my waist. As I obey, he’s pleased with my alacrity, my brisk obedience to such a lowly act of sexual service. Already he’s trained me so this week. Maria opened her eyes wide, impressed, I guess.

In all the times he’s had me do him this week, I suppose he’s actually come in my mouth only every third or fourth time. His decision not to come is a mark of his control, I know, and a way of making my cock-suckings of him less meaningful — it says that his that use of me is not even to get him off, that I’m not worthy of it, that I’m to be used simply as a cock-shaped hostler for his gun. So, for him not to come this time was not unusual, and besides, I expected now he would want to save himself for her.

I suppose it was because my hands were behind me and not touching his shaft that I didn’t detect it, the slight twitch. Also, Master seemed not to betray his condition with a grunt or sigh or any vocal utterance. I don’t know if this was intentional on his part, but he took me by surprise.

I had just pulled my mouth from his cock, my lips flattening against his hard shaft as he exited. I expected to go down on him again, having my mouth slide across his taut flesh another time — but just then he exploded.

Without my hands to guide, his cock jerked freely and ejaculated onto my face and hair. I opened my mouth quickly, but by chance almost none of his cum landed there. It was everywhere else.

It was a thick white cream that dotted my cheeks and eyes, some decorating the long curls of my red hair, and a lot of it pooling just below my lips in the crevice of my chin.

Everything paused, and he and I took our unholy minute in the aftermath. I soon gently cleaned his cock with my tongue, but there wasn’t much to wipe off — nearly all of his cum landed on me.

The point of telling this is how Maria responded.

She asked if she should get a towel. Master said no, that he wanted me “to wear him” for a while. I stood and started back to my quadrant, my desk, to continue working.

As I clacked back across the Great Room, drops of Master’s cum fell from my face to the floor.

He noticed, commanded, “Shae, clean that up.”

Obediently, I knelt on the floor and pressed my face to the drops of cum. I licked them up, but as I did, another drop rolled from my cheek to the floor. I licked that up, but then some from my chin dangled for a long second, then it too fell off.

I stopped, looking up helplessly, an exasperated mess. Master wore a faint grin. Maria looked at me with empathy.

Suddenly, Maria stood up from the conference table and walked to me. She knelt on the floor beside me. She looked me in the face, came close, and softly licked Master’s cum from the crevice of my chin. She kissed me on the lips, leaving my lips shiny-coated with him.

Then Maria leaned to the floor and licked up the remaining droplets of cum I had dripped there.


Maria did not do this because she wanted a share of Master’s ejaculation, some of his cum for herself. She did not do it because she was trying to please him — in fact, she acted on her own, somewhat against his wishes for me to wear him as is — though, it wasn’t likely he would object to the scene unfolding before him. Her kiss of me was not romantic or sexual, for that purpose, although some of our presence together seems to cross that line.

What she did was come alongside me in my humiliation, aid me when I was exasperated, and make my situation manageable. Watching my helplessness, she rushed to my side to provide help to me, descending to my lowest level. This is who she is.

I’m glad she’s back. I’ve missed her.

mouth-ready

He is having me, middle of the morning, as if I’m his routine power snack during break-time. I’m in my navy business suit, skirt and blazer, all professional-like, and he and I have been work-focused since 8:00 am. I like it when we are in business-sync. It makes me feel worthwhile.

Around 10:30, Master M calls me over, and orders me to squat with my back against his massive desk. He tells me to keep my knees together, as if that’s some propriety in what is about to happen. Standing, he straddles my legs, unzips himself, and pushes his cock between my lips into my ready mouth.


There’s no graceful way to report this: so far this week he has made my mouth his frequent cock-receptacle. It was three times Monday — a half day for him, for he arrived in the afternoon — maybe five times Tuesday, and now again this morning. No, he doesn’t choose to come every time, but he enjoys my mouth and tongue and lips nonetheless — for, let’s say, “lengthy visits.” In about forty-eight hours, I’ve given Master McKenna nine blowjobs, unfinished though some are.

Setting aside the obvious heaven this puts me in, this practice is new, unusually debasing in its regularity, and, so I have come to believe, very intentional on his part.

I don’t believe this has anything to do with Maria’s absence this week. I thought so at first, but late afternoon yesterday, I realized he’s doing this not only for him but for me — that is, as a kind of training of me different from my other, usual sexual services.

He is conditioning me to be his cock-whore.


I slowly go down on his cock shaft, then back again. There’s no need for speed — he is plenty hard, and I’m not sure his intended endgame is actually to come in my mouth. I enjoy the slow rhythm of my sucking, the rocking motion of my head over his member.

My hand gently grips the base of his shaft, and I pull him out, sliding him slowly across my lips. I look up, pause a moment, then say to him, “You’re very tense, sir.”

He looks down at me with a faint smile: “That’s how you make it.”

“No, I mean tension in general. It’s in you.”

“You can tell that from my cock?”

I nod, but coyly say nothing more. Perhaps he will consider this one of my special skills. I slide his erect penis across my tongue once again.

To be honest, it isn’t just his cock that betrays his mood. I feel it in his body as my hands steady myself upon his hips, a certain clenching of his core. Yet a man’s cock does bear its own personality and can be angry, hungry, tender, or, yes, tense. So I believe anyway. Though, I may also being reading into that my own desires, projecting my wish onto his manhood. Sometimes I want it to be hungry for me. This morning, I just long to ease his tension.

I close my eyes, letting myself be sensually focused on the sensations of his cock in my mouth: its weight, salty taste, texture of folds and veins and ridges. The sensuality of a man’s cock arouses me deeply. I think maybe I could be conditioned in time to have an orgasm when I suck cocks, without other stimulation. In this moment, I feel not so far away from that possibility: my breasts, framed by the lapels of my blazer, are flushed, my nipples are extended, and my pussy, under my skirt, is beginning to pulse.

Cock-sucking does this to me. But I think he wishes to make me feel utilitarian in this, like some literal cum-bucket, a sex object being used randomly and frequently, such that I will be debased by the ordinariness of the duty. And it does work on me that way. After, when he is done with me, I feel used, submissively reduced.

But he will have a hard time conditioning me not to enjoy it.


One of the times yesterday, in the middle of my reading aloud a part of a report I’d written for him, Master leashed me and led me into the powder room, the visitors’ bathroom off of the atrium.

There, he peed into the bowl, finished, put down the toilet lid, and had me sit on it. He made me do him there.

I assumed in this case, rightly so, that he was using me as his cock-cleaning service. I slathered his cock-head, tasted the acrid remnants of his urine, and tongued around his upper shaft. I sat back, looked up into his eyes, and said, “A man of your importance should never have to clean himself after a pee.” Obviously, it was overstatement, and I may have had a twinkle in my eye, but I meant it somewhat seriously.

He smiled, I think because he was pleased that I’d “gotten” it, this little wrinkle, so to speak, regarding my cock services. But he had something more for me to, well, chew on.

“Imagine a public bathroom,” he said, “where you are like this with me in one of the stalls. You clean me, and I finish with you, whatever that might be. We exit the stall, and there are other men entering the bathroom, some at sinks washing their hands, others going into other stalls. Think about how you walk out with me, what you experience, how you conduct yourself. Later in the week I’ll ask you to report out on that.”

Oh.


After a time of blissful fellatio, I peer up at him and softly ask, “May I suck your balls, sir?” I don’t know why I asked, for it’s usually part of everything that I provide.

He says nothing, looks down upon me with a blank stare. I know I gave him an opening, and now he is playing this, playing me.

“Please, sir?”

Again he stands stoically without expression.

Again I beg him, “Please, sir, may I suckle your balls?”

“What will you do for me to earn it?”

I roll my eyes up at him with an exasperated huff. I don’t have to say anything. My look conveys my response: what more of me do you not already possess, sir, what have you not already done with me and my body that I could possibly grant you, what can a girl like me who is your property give you that you don’t already own?

“Seems you really need it,” he says condescendingly in an even voice.

I bite my tongue as I receive his further diminishment of me. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you… sir.”

His expression breaks slightly, restraining a fuller grin. “I just want to hear you say it. Your need.”

I sigh deeply, my eyes never leaving his. “Okay, sir, I admit, I really need your balls in my mouth. This is what I live for. The be-all and end-all of my being. I am a holy mess if I don’t get a good ball-sucking.”

He breaks, uttering a short laugh. My sass seems to survive the moment, and he actually likes it. “Well, if you must,” he finally relents.

I sigh with more exasperation, muttering, “What a girl has to do…”

He chuckles again, but I say nothing else, for now my mouth is wrapped around his testicle, savoring its earthy taste and supple texture. Sigh.


It does make me feel different, this cock-whoredom he’s requiring of me. I had told him my mouth was always ready for him, and that’s true, but the frequency of this — the impromptu orders to squat and open my mouth, scattered between real work projects and professional interactions with the man — leaves me reeling. It’s the alternating states of being made important and being reduced to a cum-bucket.

For all the indignity of it, however, it blooms my submissiveness profoundly. It renders me, despite my occasional bursts of sass, more compliant, docile, receptive. There’s also an intimacy in it — I may be a cum-bucket, but I am his cum-bucket, for now anyway. These days, all of his precious manhood syrup winds up inside me, and I find myself cherishing that.

In between, I try to recover my dignity. When he calls me for this, I stand from my desk, smooth down my skirt, button my blazer properly over my bare breasts, and stride across the Great Room, assuming for the moment the vintage elegance and virtue of an executive secretary, formally prepared to take dictation, however that might be given to me.


My mouth slides across the veins of his hard cock one more time. I feel his hand on my head and he stops me there. He is done with me.

I look up at him again, and whisper, “Please?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve had enough.”

“I would love to finish you,” I plead.

“No, Shae.”

I nod in acquiescence to his self-control, his sheer will of dominance. We take a quiet minute in our positions — him standing, me stooped on the floor — a time for his cock to ease and relax and grow soft again. It almost feels like a moment of silent prayer after a holy ritual. I guess I like to think of it that way.

In time he lifts me up, and I stand before him, close to him. He puts his hands on my waist under my blazer. We are looking into each others’ eyes. His hands slide upward until he cups my breasts. He squeezes them, and I breathe in deeply. For a short moment, I think there may be more. I have the urge to put my arms on his shoulders and lean into him, kiss him. But I don’t. For an executive secretary, that would, ironically, be inappropriate.

He pulls the lapels of my blazer closed and buttons me up, a tender, almost intimate, gesture, so it feels to me.

“Thank you, sir,” I say, once again formal in my professional voice.

I step back from him, smooth down my skirt, and tug the hem of my blazer so it straightens out. I turn, and once again stride across the Great Room to my desk, the confident click-clack of my heels projecting a dignity I don’t deserve.

naked in high heels

Monday afternoon. He texts me from the airport. He’ll be here soon.

I am eager to be under him again, which I mean in status as his slave girl, not in physical position on a bed. Although that would be nice too.

I have just written a blog post about things I miss from vanilla life. But also, in my slavery, I miss him when I’m under her for a while, and vice-versa. So it goes, the yin-yang of my life cycle.

I have been about a month away from him, and my usual longings for the man have re-emerged. His delayed return because of a canceled flight has intensified my eager wait, and I am this afternoon like a bitch straining at her leash to be with my Master again.

I think about what I should wear for him. Not too formal, but also not this fraying denim skirt and casual top. I want my hair to look good, and maybe a touch of makeup wouldn’t be a bad idea. I have about an hour, and I head to my upstairs bedroom to make myself look like a dignified woman, one worthy of a man of means and mansion.

What I yearn for with him is not the obvious thing you might think. Well, yes, it is, but mostly it’s something else. When I am in his presence, I feel his hands on me. I don’t mean literally, but spiritually. Just being in the same massive building, even if we are rooms apart, I feel his exquisite control, as if his hands are holding me. Those hands, like a spotter’s hands around the waist of a gymnast, give me a sense of safety as well as a thrill of being launched into experiences beyond.

It’s still the middle of a working day, and I decide to wear a business suit — modest cream-colored skirt, cream linen blazer, matching high heels. The lighter color is less uniform-y than navy, dignified but a touch more sensual, and besides, I know it looks damn good on me. No blouse underneath, as that would displease him. But still an outfit of some presence and dignity.

I realize I’m primping myself as if I’m going on a date. I smile at myself in the thought. No, it isn’t romantic, not in that sense. A submissive is drawn to her Master in a different way, and it’s a different category of infatuation. But it’s an ambiguous difference, and somehow I sit here at my vanity applying a touch of mascara to my lashes. I remind myself I’m not a college girl anymore and this isn’t some hot date night. Sheesh. I quickly finish.

Soon I stand in the atrium entryway, cream-suited, my blazer buttoned into some respectability. I wait for him.

My phone buzzes. A text from Master M: “You, front steps outside, naked in heels, when I arrive.”

So much for dignity and romance.


Master M used to have a driver, a guy he employed part time to drive him around. This was years ago, during a period Master M went through, by his own admission, when he indulged himself with the trappings of wealth. He could easily afford to employ a driver, so he did. Over time, Master recanted those ideas of self-indulgence, at least some of them, and became more “sensible.”

In fact, he really didn’t use a driver much, as he mostly stays in the mansion. Besides, he realized, he likes driving himself when he does go out. The main reason for having transportation was his business travel — trips to and from the airport. Then he got me, and I introduced him to Uber.

So now when he texts me, I know he’s arriving in an Uber. It echoes for me an experience I had coming to the mansion from the airport, and I know Master M is thinking of that same experience in which he was texting me during my Uber trip from DIA. Now our roles are reversed, although somehow, in this repeating saga, I’m always the one who winds up naked.

Since it’s a weekday, the staff people are around. Of course, Maria is not here, still with her family. Katya is upstairs, as always, but she comes and goes through the front door. Mr. Jeffers is on the premises, though likely in one of his garden sheds or the garages. Ms. Yuan is in the kitchen. Not that it matters for them to see me undressed, for they have seen all of me many times now. Still, it feels to me like the first time whenever they do.

Of course, the Uber driver will see me undressed and bared, which is Master’s intention, and I can’t do anything about that. What will be will be.

For a moment, I have the idea of standing outside with my clothes draped across the front steps, as if I just disrobed, the evidence of my “stripping” publicly evident. Master M would appreciate the look, but I fear to a stranger that might make me appear as the proverbial forlorn wife, desperate for her husband’s attentions. I go into the Great Room, undress, and lay my clothes neatly atop the four-poster bed. I also retrieve my heaviest and widest titanium collar and put that on, with a half-chain leash dangling between my breasts. I also put myself in metal wrist cuffs. Surely, there will be no mistaking me for any forlorn wife.

I assume my position outside on the top steps of the mansion entrance, wearing only in high heels and a few shiny pounds of metal. There is still at least a half hour before the Uber arrives, but Master will ask later how long I waited here nude, and I will get extra slave points for longer time.


I stand nude in the shade of the mansion eaves at first, for it is ungodly hot here. I will reposition myself to the front of the top step when the Uber is in sight.

I am so very eager to see him again that my anticipation overcomes my self-conscious sense of naked vulnerability. I hear Mr. Jeffers over on the west slope powering a hedge trimmer, and I hope he doesn’t swerve farther south where he can glimpse me. My body is familiar territory to him, another part of his landscape, but I don’t need him to see me now, come up the steps, and ogle my glistening pussy. Mostly I just don’t want him to distract me from being a proper homecoming for Master McKenna.

But Mr. Jeffers doesn’t swing around, and in fact the hedge-trimmer buzz seems to grow fainter, heading to a farther section of the grounds.

It is close to being arrival time, so my inner clock tells me, and I step out into the hot sun. I assume the Gorean “Wait” position — recency bias, for it was the position Mistress put me in at one point of the car wash. It seems appropriate, how he would want me.

I pull my hands behind my back, lifting them high up, thrusting out my bare breasts. I debate whether to have my legs a stride apart — the true Wait position — or keep them together. I hear in my head the voices of virtual dominants saying, “A slave girl must always keep her legs apart.” Yet I know also there’s a smidgeon of decorum Master M likes — or maybe it’s just that he likes my futile effort in trying to maintain dignity.

I shake my head, realizing the ridiculousness of it — how I possibly am debating, while naked in public, boobs bared, about whether having my legs together is better than having them apart. “Together” seems more chaste, but I try sometimes to create modesty where there is none. And, for god’s sake, how is there really any meaningful difference?

But your submission drives you into such foolishness, all in service of your dominant. Your submission to him reduces you to puddles of superficial obsessions, so you find yourself secretly applying lotion to your breasts at night to make them softer or wearing clover clamps on your pussy lips to make them longer or doing glute exercises to make your ass cheeks fuller — all trivial pursuits for the purpose of pleasing him.

I see in the distance, at the far reaches of the mile-long winding drive, the Uber, a black SUV. I take a deep breath in anticipation of being seen naked by a stranger. But it’s really my excitement for Master that makes my breasts flushed and my nipples perky.

I keep my legs together, as if that makes me look less like a total whore.


The Uber pulls up, and I can see a surprised driver gawking at me through the windshield. Master M climbs out of the back seat, looks at me with a wide smile. Embarrassed though I am, there is a deep satisfaction — I think his seeing me must be the highlight of Master’s past twenty-four hours. I stand fresh and fulgent as Master gazes at me. Across the distance it’s as if I feel his hands around my waist.

The Uber driver gets out, glancing at me as he walks around, pops the trunk, and lifts the suitcase onto the ground. Master raises his hand to me and beckons me with his finger. I was afraid of this.

I start to descend the entranceway stairs — a dozen or more, I’ve never counted. I keep my arms wrapped high across my back and try to maintain some elegance as I walk down. My breasts shake as my heels hit each step. I look forward not down. I take it slow, not for effect, but for safety. In fact, I have practiced this, not while nude or with others around, but because these steps are part of my life here, and I have to navigate them in different ways at different times.

I see and feel the Uber driver’s eyes on me. He’s thirty-something, my age perhaps, with long hair that’s blade-cut below the ears. I realize there’s nothing I can do but be consumed by his attentions. Besides, this is what Master wants.

My tits wobbling, I reach the base of the steps and walk over to the Uber, my arms still folded submissively in back.

Master baldly says to the Uber driver, “This is my sex slave, Shae.”

I blush. My pussy feels wet, and I fear my thighs are shiny. But you do this, you submit to this, you endure this. You want to please your Master, no matter what it costs you in self-respect — maybe because of what it costs you. For in a way, you are aware the degree of your humiliation is a deeper fulfillment of his pleasure. You will debase yourself more for his satisfaction. And so you stand relinquished and docile in front of an Uber stranger.

Uber man says, “Wow, ah. Good to see you.” He adds a moment later, as if a correction, “To meet you.”

“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” I reply, my voice hushed with a slight tremble. I say it all proper-like, though I am so improper in my appearance. Master loves watching me try to claw back some measure of dignity in these situations.

“Shae, this is Calvin,” Master says. “He’s studying for his MBA.” He says it proudly, as if Calvin is his son.

Calvin, at first clearly uncomfortable, gradually seems to cross some threshold. He settles in, sensing his permission, and gazes at my breasts with freer abandon.

Master goes on a bit about Calvin’s career ambitions, his doing odd jobs to earn money for grad school, all of this spilled out in a car during a short trip from the airport. I know Master is intentionally extending my naked discomfort in front of a stranger. I stand feeling sexually objectified, and I imagine Calvin must be wondering what possesses a woman like me to submit to this. Then again, I always think too hard about that. A stranger seeing me this way is probably not questioning my life choices and motivations. He’s probably wondering how he can buy a woman like me. Or, perhaps he is thinking how he can become a man like McKenna. Perhaps my presence as an owned, naked property will spur Calvin to go home and study further toward that MBA. Or maybe he will go home and… do other things.

Master hands me his briefcase, a soft-sided caramel leather case with a shoulder strap. I sling the strap over my shoulder, making it an unlikely accessory to my “business outfit.”

He checks his phone, the Uber app. He could do this later, inside, but he wants to prolong my nude wait in front of the Uber guy.

I think maybe in another life, I might be Calvin’s classmate, part of his grad school cohort. But I chose differently, and now I’m standing before him, my full bare breasts warm and blushing in the sun.

This is taking forever, and I look over at Master M engrossed in his phone. Is he reading text messages from work?

Uber guy is more composed now, enjoying the time and the view. He asks me, “How long have you lived here?”

I don’t expect a question from him, and I stutter at first, trying to find my answer. Of course, it’s complicated. I have two homes, but to explain that is too involved. My best answer is to say how long I’ve been with Master McKenna, but that requires me to do calendar math: “About three years,” I finally say. Yes, for three years I have been the property of this Master who parades me around sexually naked and fucks me at his pleasure. I don’t say those words, but Uber guy would think that if he could only imagine.

Finally, Master M is putting his phone away, taking the handle of his rollaboard suitcase. But now Uber guy himself creates some prolonging business, saying, “Wait a second,” and crawling back into the front seat of his car.

I sigh. Master has a shit grin on his face.

Uber guy emerges, walks back around the car, and hands Master M his card. “If you ever need a ride, you can call me directly.”

He then walks over to me and hands me a card as well. It might be deemed a gesture of respect, including me in some future decision to call for a ride, but I know better. He just wants a closer look. I take the card, say thank you, and, as he looks down on me and my smooth pussy, he makes me into a pregnant moment.


A minute later, Master and I are at the top of the steps. He tells me to turn around. The Uber has made its way around the circle and is very slowly exiting the long drive. I stand facing out, my pink flesh becoming a sexual memory in a rearview mirror.

It dawns on me that this will be more of the common practice going forward. He and Mistress A have cultivated me into accepting their public exposures of me. It was always Mistress’s thing, not so much Master’s. But now he seems to be enjoying my public nudity as well, baring me before strangers, making me an object of random mental fucking.


Inside the mansion, Master says to me that he is tired, didn’t sleep much last night, so he will take a nap. He will join me for happy hour. “And I want you to make your mouth ready.”

I look at him with a puzzled look. I’ve never heard him to say that before, not that way. “I don’t even know what that means,” I reply with a hint of sass.

He smirks at me: “You know very well what that means.”

“Well, that. Sure, I know. But ‘make my mouth ready’?”

Master grins. “Whatever that takes.”

I have thoughts of brushing my teeth, rinsing with mouthwash, and whatever other minty lozenge I might be able to take. But I just shake my head at him.

“Sir,” I reply coyly, “I would hope you know by now that my mouth is always ready for you.”

He laughs.

what I miss

Living as a slave full-time is, for a deep submissive like me, is a most satisfying life, a blessing to be in. In what I’m about to say, I don’t want to appear as being ungrateful or complaining. Yet, my full-time life in slavery has its sacrifices. It makes me miss some things about vanilla life.


There’s an innocence about vanilla life that I miss sometimes. Not that vanilla people aren’t active in adult things and aren’t sexual, but their sexuality is kept more private and their relationships are based on other attractions first. They can experience the simplicity of the expression, “I like you,” uncomplicated by alternative lifestyle or darker impulses.

I like to think sometimes about going on a casual date with someone, a time apart from my lifestyle, from my submissiveness, from my sexuality — just sitting down over coffee and talking about books and art and faith and life.

I sometimes long for that, but that’s not possible for me anymore. I am stereotyped by my lifestyle and submissive status to be seen and known in a certain way. Any person who would take me out on a date would know what I am and do. Seeing me for the first time, he or she could not look at me with the innocence of first impressions, but would take me in through a lens of my submissive sexuality. He or she would likely have expectations of me according to my lifestyle. I doubt we could ever get to the quaint point of saying, “I like you.”

Again, I don’t mean to whine and grouse. It’s not that I don’t love my life, and I certainly am blessed in so many ways by those who own me and the situations I’ve been placed in. I’m a lucky girl. But sometimes I miss the nostalgic possibility of a simple date. I miss the innocent life “out there” in which I can be other things.


I also miss the professional world. I used to be in real estate, in my twenties, before my D/s life. I really never much liked the work itself, but I did enjoy going to conferences and workshops and conventions, in which I could interact with other business people, engage in shop talk, and form business connections. I realize those relationships are fleeting and utilitarian, but I miss the buzz of professional talk and chatter.

It’s helpful to me that I am owned by two executives, each of whom is deeply involved in professional worlds. I enjoy meeting Master M’s board members and Mistress A’s clients, and I like being around the business doings of each of them. Of course, the difference is that I am presented to these business people as what I am, a submissive in service, a slave, even a sex slave. From that point on, I have no particular standing with anyone on a professional level. The look at me differently. There is no business chatter, just sexual innuendo.

Submissively, I do not object to that innuendo or resist being sexually objectified in people’s first acquaintance. This is what I am and is the life I’ve chosen. In some ways that’s submissively fulfilling. Yet, I miss the corporate dialogue, the business conversation that includes me as a participant at a professional level.


So, there is something else. It’s something I’ve never had, so I can’t say I “miss” it, but it’s a circumstance I wish I could experience.

I’m in touch with some of you who are submissive in occasional, periodic D/s relationships. There is a dominant “on the side” of your primary relationship. I hear about your periodic BDSM experiences in person or sometimes online, how you take time away from your vanilla life to enter into submission to this other man on a “date,” of sorts. When it’s over, you must leave and re-enter your vanilla life, all while bearing the delicious secret you have.

The part of that I wish I had is having a public role of respect in public life, while from time to time being reduced into submissive humiliation in a private session. There’s something about walking in and out of both experiences, the transition from dignity to degradation and back, that appeals to me. It’s the idea of being a woman of substance and authority in front of others in a professional setting, while in another moment being a submissive privately reduced by a dominant to a puddle of tears.

That happens to be a common theme in my fiction writing, and so I think it’s a lurking fantasy of mine. But again, without complaining about my blessed situation, that scenario isn’t possible for me. It’s an experience I wish for.


The 24/7 D/s lifestyle, in which one lives in submission around the clock, bears a cost. It’s not only the cost of commission — what I commit myself to endure and service in my life as a slave. It’s also the cost of omission — the things I sacrificed when I entered the full-time D/s life.

I don’t regret the choice I made to become a slave in a D/s life full-time — I knew what I was giving up — but those are some of the things I very much miss.

back with Master M, sort of

As per schedule, I returned to the mansion last night (Sunday). Mistress Amanda is traveling again the next two weeks, notably to a workshop for online entrepreneurs, then on to family visits.

Oddly, neither Maria nor Master M are here. Maria was to come to the mansion with me, but late yesterday she was called to handle a family emergency. She got permission by text from Master to attend to that for a few days. It’s not dire, she tells me, and she’ll rejoin us soon.

Meanwhile Master M was scheduled to return from a short vacation in Maine last night, but his flight was canceled. He’ll come in sometime mid-day today.

So, that left me in the mansion alone last night, an interesting experience. Since it was Sunday night, the end of the weekend, no staff people were around. In one sense, that was good, for I didn’t have to worry about Mr. Jeffers or Mr. Galli popping in. Not that I’m afraid of them or that they’d present a danger, but still. In another sense, I was really alone in a massive mansion with many rooms and nooks and crannies, all of which seemed to creak and groan through the night.

I decided I wouldn’t sleep in the four-poster in the Great Room as usual, but in my upstairs bedroom, where I could close and lock the door. I still didn’t sleep very well.

In any case, I am alone here this morning and have time to write… and ramble…


I am thinking this back-and-forth between Master and Mistress suits me well. It isn’t that I get bored with either of them as people or as dominants, but I do get antsy a bit for the other experience when I’m in one for a while. I’m spoiled, I know — if a sex slave can possibly say that.

Some of this is the male-female duality of my life, I’m sure. Master M is all corporate executive testosterone with me; Mistress A is all lesbian Madam estrogen with me. I love being in the sexuality of both, serving their unique sexual desires, but after a lengthy stint with one, I find I come to long for the other.

But it’s more than that. Each of my owners has a specific style of enslaving me. Both are psychological in their keeping of me, but Master M is more physical and corporal with me, while Mistress A is more visual and social in conducting my slavery. Again, I respond deeply to both. It’s just the nature of things that after I experience one for a while, I start to desire the other again.

All to say, the back-and-forth between neighborhood and mansion are kind of good for me.


This past month with Mistress Amanda was, I think, a good time for Maria and me. We are still finding ourselves in relation to each other, negotiating our places and purposes under the dominance of Mistress. This month, Maria seemed to settle into her service role more deeply, while gladly ceding the sex-slave role to me.

You know I don’t like talking about “roles,” since we submissives are not playing parts. We are submissive in ways that are natural to us, our actual personalities, who and what we are. It’s never an act. Yet, in talking about Maria and me, the term “roles” is unavoidable, and actually useful. She is finding her natural role Mistress’s world, and it doesn’t compete with my role in special relationship with Amanda.

In some ways, Maria’s presence helps define my status and cultivation as a sex slave. Physical exposure, sexual social play, and sexual sharing are not Maria’s calling, and it seems Mistress isn’t using her that way. For better or worse, that’s my role, my natural orientation, and is a place in Mistress’s world that has been reserved for me. Meanwhile, Maria is a service slave in ways that go beyond being the bearer of dust rags. She is naturally attentive to needs. She anticipates what Mistress desires, and comes along side to be of service. While this is a role I used to fulfill for Mistress A, it isn’t my natural inclination, and I’m only too glad to give it up to Maria. Who is really good at it.

There are overlaps and minor jealousies, of course. Her services, though not sexual, sometimes lead Maria into a closeness with Mistress that I mildly resent. One time last week, Mistress was sitting on the couch while Maria sat on the floor holding a tray bearing tea, sugar, milk and cookies. Meanwhile Mistress had me across the room sitting at the edge of the easy chair, my legs wide open and my pussy bared, bearing clover clamps hanging from my labia. It pleased Mistress to see me this way. I was the separate object, and the two of them were side by side in a subtle closeness. It was a minor thing, but I was aware of their intimacy. But that’s on me. Just still getting used to this.

Maria and I are no longer made “sisters” or “twins” in any of our treatments. That was always a terribly cutesy thing anyway, maybe more the lurking fantasy of Master M’s (and maybe he’ll still do it sometimes), but Mistress doesn’t force that. We are not dressed the same or treated as twins. This helps me, because, much as I like and am fond of Maria, I am not the same as her. I may be a slave, but I want to be my own slave, not blended into a singularity with her.

Our distinctiveness in slavery became more clarified and settled this past month. I’m glad for that.


The other thing rolling around in my mind this quiet morning is an awareness of what my place is becoming with the neighbors. This developed noticeably over my past month there. I mentioned it in my car-wash posts: I am becoming the collective property of a neighborhood.

A slave has a deep longing to be owned, and so for me this idea of a group ownership of me is welcome — more owners are better somehow, and the idea showers me in a weird kind of submissive pleasure. A dozen people have shares of me, so to speak, as if I am a joint property managed by a homeowner’s association. Why do I like that?

No, I don’t fear this, for I am still primarily ordered and managed and dominated by Mistress and Master, and that will not change. But now neighbors have come to a deeper understanding of my slavery and are participating in its execution. I said that in my previous posts, but it’s sinking in more deeply.

I want this to work, mostly because a collective ownership of me means that everyone is accepting me for what I am. It pains me to think that there are people in the neighborhood who resist what I am. I want to please everyone, always. And in that, the key is a handful of the women.

Of course, a few of the women have their own sapphic interests in me, obviously; but others do not. These women see no benefit in me and have reason to feel threatened. If these other women could come to see me just as a play toy, a sex toy, one that’s set aside once she and her husband enjoy intimate time, perhaps there’s a benefit for them. And a greater acceptance of me.

I think some of that has started to happen in the neighborhood, among those women specifically. I’m not sure what “collective ownership” of me eventually means practically, but at least it suggests that everyone accepts me as what I am and isn’t threatened by me. Maybe they’ll like me, they’ll really like me.


The mansion is coming back to life this morning. Katya is here to clean, and Ms. Yuan is in the kitchen. I hear Mr. Jeffers outside on the big riding mower.

Master M is arriving at two. And then I’ll be in his very different neighborhood.

elephant gift: car wash: 2

By 2:00, the crowd had become larger. In attendance were Justin Farris, of course, Robert Diaz and Stacy Knox, Christopher Hawkins, Theresa and Roald Linden, Scott and Cecilia Kemp, and Darnell Tribodeaux. (I think I remembered everybody.) Darnell’s partner, Jacie, showed up later, due to a previous commitment. With Mistress Amanda, Maria, and I, there were about a dozen.

Sometime in the afternoon, the group decided that each car I washed needed to be “blessed” by me in a certain way: for me to “scrub” a part of the car directly with my breasts. It was totally made up, an obviously prurient idea, and I stood in the driveway, my hands on my hips and said, “Really!?”

They answered, “Really.”

Interestingly, some of the woman expressed concern that I would scrape or scratch my boobs against a rough edge of the vehicle. I found it notable that in their collective objectification of me, they were also protecting me, perhaps as their community property. This with the women neighbors is part of, I think, a tension in my relationship to the women of the neighborhood. More on this in a moment…

So, this “car blessing” was designated for a section of the hood of the car, which was smooth. I would lean over the tire well and press my tits down on the soapy surface, rolling my torso around as my breasts circled and “scrubbed.” It was utterly demeaning, obviously sexually debasing in its purpose. I did it once with each car, taking about fifteen seconds with each “blessing.” If I didn’t do it well enough, long enough, someone would say, “You haven’t really kissed it,” and I would flatten my breasts against the hood a second time. (I was told later that this posture of leaning over the car hood created an added “benefit” for those watching — my suds-soaked skirt rode up in back as I leaned over.)

There was another development after my T-shirt was off. People now were “concerned” that I would get sun-burned and needed to periodically have suntan lotion applied to my body. Of course, this needed to be done frequently, so they claimed, for each car washing rinsed the lotion off my skin. Of course, no one felt I should do it myself. This led to a lottery system Amanda devised on the fly, involving a pair of dice.

So it happened: after I finished every car, someone sprayed me down with the hose, Maria dried me off, and the lottery-dice winner applied lotion all over my body. There was particular concern that my breasts didn’t burn in the sun, so they got extra slathering.

As a side note, Mistress A included Maria in the lottery, and one time she won the chance to put suntan lotion on me. Neighbors seemed in rapt attention as she massaged lotion into my breasts and all over my flesh. People are curious about her relationship with me.


More cars appeared in the queue down the driveway, and I soon knew I wouldn’t finish by 3:30. That goal, I believe, was intentionally stacked against me, though Amanda later said she didn’t do anything to rig it. Neighbors just kept bringing more cars to the queue. Someone joked that there was a semi-trailer truck at the end. I just shook my head, rolled my eyes, and offered an exasperated smile.

Even though it was hopeless to finish by 3:30, I did my best. Someone blew a whistle at the deadline, and there was at least one more car to do. I finished the one I was in the middle of. But I had failed to meet the requirement — to everyone’s eager delight.

I stood in the driveway after finishing the last car, drenched and dirty, my nude breasts full and lathered and streaked by sunlight filtering through the trees. The group offered up a round of applause, whether for my labors or for the stage show of my making love half-naked to their cars.

It is an odd thing, this social and carnal objectification of me in front of the neighborhood, the looks and leers of friends who protect and pity and play with me. In my sodden tiredness, I felt the strangeness of it, how something can be humiliating and joyful at the same time.


The consequence was what I thought it would be: a spanking.

After announcing it, Mistress whispered to me that this was not a punishment. I nodded in docile silence. I knew it was set up to be a winner-loser outcome, and this was all along what she wanted to do to me in front of everyone. I had lost, but I had not done wrong. That’s a world of difference to my submissive soul, which is why she said that to me.

I stood dripping wet. My hair, once tied in a ponytail, was now undone, loose and stringy, drenched with water and residual suds. My skirt was wet and clingy, and my breasts were naked and pinkish, bearing some ungodly sheen of suntan lotion and shampoo.

Mr. Farris retrieved a straight-back chair from the house, and the neighbors assembled in a semi-circle. Maria toweled me down, making me drier, although my skirt was still damp and clingy.

Mistress Amanda sat down and nodded to me. I faced her from the side, docile, lamb-like, submissive. I leaned over and balanced myself on the chair seat on the opposite side, just as I was taught by Master M some years ago. I lowered myself slowly onto Amanda’s lap. My breasts fell down the other side in a wobble, and tips of my high heels dug into the asphalt behind me. I settled across her lap gracefully, as I’ve been taught.

I lifted my arms behind my head and clasped my hands, presenting myself as ready for my spanking and, as I’m trained to do, providing our friends a clear view of my breasts during my ordeal.


Being spanked in public is a deeply complex humiliation for me. Mistress knows this. She loves spanking me, and so, of course, wishes to do it to me more often. Truth is, I’m not often one who misbehaves and suffers punishment, so she has realized she has to scheme other ways to subject me to spankings. This has been an evolution in her dominance of me. Spankings are rare still, but what was once purely the act of punishment is gradually becoming an act of entertainment as well. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

That Saturday was an example of this broadened application of having me spanked. Here, I well knew, she was contriving a justification (the “consequence”) for spanking me at the car wash, one which wasn’t based on any unsubmissiveness. She just wanted to throw me into the humiliation of a spanking while also providing an added bonus for neighborhood spectators.

It is different for me when it’s an actual punishment. Then, I feel both the shame of being an adult woman spanked in front of watchers as well as the shame of doing wrong and having to pay dearly for it. And so, the times I’ve been punished by public spanking have lodged in my bones as unforgettable memories. I won’t say they are traumatic, but they are intense and indelible. I will never forget being spanked in the bar-restaurant in front of Blake’s buddies. Punishment-spankings are deep and overwhelming to me, especially in front of an audience.

This spanking experience at the car wash was for me less guilt-sodden (I knew I hadn’t done wrong and had not failed Mistress) but more personally erotic — and thus, humiliating in another way. I suppose, to be honest, all spankings bring me into some sexual arousal, but in punishment-spankings I am more distraught about other things, distracted by my transgressions. Here, in this contrived situation, while I experienced the usual shame of an adult woman who allows herself to be spanked, I was more focused on my sexual response. I felt the crowd waiting to see my naked sex aroused, and I cringed inside myself to think they would see up close my sexual desire.

Mistress Amanda lifted my wet skirt, peeling it from my legs and pulling it over my rear flesh. As my cheeks were exposed, there were comments. The neighbors, since the NYE party, have felt freer to say things, to blurt out labels, to objectify me, as they did that night. They know this is part of the program Mistress wishes me to experience. They know I know this, that I will absorb and endure the verbal abuse.

“I think she’s liking this,” Mr. Hawkins quipped, prompting random laughs. Another boomed, “And she claims she’s not a slut…” There were more catcalls which I cannot specifically remember, but which in the experience of them reminded me of words being written on my body at the NYE party.

As Amanda prepared to administer my spanking, one of the men, Scott Kemp, joked, “I think we should bring back the practice of spanking as a domestic discipline.” His wife, Cecilia, quickly responded, “I agree, which means your sorry ass is going to get a whoopin’.” Everyone roared. Even I had to smile.

Amanda pulled from her purse a travel-sized bottle of skin lotion and made to apply it to my ass cheeks. This was not usual in the spankings I’ve been given, and I took this to be a caring touch, if you can call it that, maybe to re-emphasize this was not a punishment, that she was doing this as a different kind of play. It’s an oddly tender gesture before the violence of a spanking. Of course, my ordeal in being spanked is not so much the physical abuse of my rear flesh anyway, but in the psychological humiliation of it. Nonetheless, I appreciated her touch of loving care.

Mr. Linden said drolly, “Amanda, you have your hands full. Why don’t I apply the lotion?” People tittered. Someone said, “Roald, you’ve already had her. Let someone else have a go.”

Amanda replied, “Good idea, but Cecilia, why don’t you do the honors?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” Cecilia said, taking the bottle. Soon I felt her smoothing lotion on my butt cheeks. She took her time, and one of the neighbors commented, and Cecilia retorted with a laugh, “I’ll do this all day if I can.” But soon she finished, planting a kiss in the middle of my back as she stepped away.

Mistress, with the drama of a soundless drum roll, said it was time. I sensed her lifting her open hand high and felt it smack me hard across my bottom. My body jerked in place, my hanging breasts jiggled, and I clasped my hands tighter behind my head.

“That’s right,” someone said, “our slave needs to be put in her place.”


I remembered that comment and would later think on it. I can’t recall who said it, but that doesn’t matter. It suggests to me a number of things. In general, you might say, the neighbors have observed my slavery but haven’t participated in it. They’ve participated with me sexually, of course, but my slavery has been a separate, and mostly for them, visual, experience.

But this collective reference to me as “our slave” suggested more, reflecting a kind of group ownership of me by the neighborhood. The idea that I needed to be “put in my place” inferred that the neighbors have an assumed hierarchy for me in their social structure. There’s been evidence of this before — again the NYE party, which invited them into my slavery individually— but this comment said to me they are now participating in my slavery as a collective. In a few moments Mistress Amanda would double-down on this.

Becoming community property is a daunting concept for me, but in a way I welcome it. I always wrestle with ambiguity, and my dual life in the neighborhood as an escort-companion to couples but otherwise as Mistress Amanda’s sex slave has been confusing to me. Some have taken me to bed as their equal, yet I am viewed in other contexts as the lowly slave that I am.

“Our slave needs to be put in her place” brings some clarity, perhaps, a merging of my two identities around them. Must think about this more.

Another subtle vibe in all this, as I mentioned, has to do with how the women of the neighborhood see me. While on the surface, the women have been civil to me, and indeed I’ve had intimate times with Stacy and Theresa, there is understandable concern by wives and female partners about me as a very sexual woman bouncing around the neighborhood in front of their men. Angelica Martin has been mean to me, yet in a way she has a point, and she embodies some of the inherent concerns that other women must feel.

So, when I am the lass-next-door toplessly washing cars, I’m sure the women are watching their husbands watching me. Hopefully, they don’t see me as a sexual predator, as Angelica does, but they have reason to be defensive, protective of their marriages. But this spanking “puts me in my place,” reducing me to a humiliated state in the eyes of husbands and making me, perhaps, less of a threat in the eyes of wives. I’m sure Amanda is well aware of these dynamics and contrived this in part for this reason. By this spanking, I was presented as a slave not a seductress.


Mistress Amanda spanked me again and again. She didn’t hit me unusually hard, though it hurt. Each spank sent a spasm through my body, jerking my flesh and wobbling my breasts hanging down. More telling: this “non-punishment” spanking in this kind of social spectacle made me deeply aroused. I felt tingly and flushed, my nipples swelled in the warm air, and my pussy became drippy. I was embarrassed by the indignity of being spanked yet sexually excited by it at the same time. I didn’t want the others to see this.

Amanda stopped, suddenly announcing to the crowd that she would provide everyone a chance to spank me themselves. I didn’t expect this. “I’ll keep her on my lap,” she said, “but form a line, and I’ll give each of you five seconds with her.” There were comments around, chatter, quips, and again slurs.

And so it was: each person walked by me, some kneeling down as they applied their own spanks and whacks to my flesh. Despite the deeper indignity of this, it made me hotter, I felt myself creaming between my legs, and I prayed no one would notice.

Some fondled my ass cheeks first, before giving me a sharp thwack. Others spanked me and leaned beside my ear with a whispered comment. I became a ritual act, a neighborhood rite. I think it was Jacie, who’d arrived later, after giving me a five-second spanking, whispered to me, “You may be a whore, honey, but you’re our whore.” It reflected, again, a kind of collective ownership of me as community property.

I remember someone saying to Amanda, “You should turn her over and let us spank her tits.”

“Well, we’re not going to do that,” Amanda replied.

Another admonished, “Can’t spank her tits — they’re a neighborhood treasure.” People chuckled.

In time, everyone had had their go at me and my spanking ordeal was over. Well, almost.

I got up from Mistress Amanda’s lap, glad for my skirt to fall back over me. Mistress also stood and said to the group, “That was a good spank.” Turning to me, she ordered, “Take off your skirt.”

It wasn’t that they all hadn’t seen all of me before, witnessed my sex and even touched it. It was the context, the exposure of my arousal in the open air following the aftermath of a spanking. Even a sex slave desires some privacy for certain parts of her sexuality.

I looked at Mistress with pleading eyes. I paused longer than I should have. I mouthed the word “Please” to her in a half-whisper. She said nothing, glaring at me with dominant force, and I knew I had to.

I slipped my skirt down to my ankles and stepped out of it, standing now in nothing but my white high heels.

Mistress said to me, “Wait.”

I recognized this was not a command to pause but a position I was to assume. I obediently assembled myself in the Gorean “Wait” stance: I was perched naked atop my white high heels, my arms folded high behind my back, thrusting out my breasts, and my legs spread a stride apart, showing and opening my bare shaved pussy.

There in the sun, all could see my flushed breasts and yearning nipples, and could gaze at my now-glistening pussy, knowing its glitter was not suntan oil or shampoo but the sparkle of my own sexual desire.

Mr. Hawkins had the last word: “Like I said. She likes it. She really likes it.”

He had good intentions, but his words were, as I feared, the ultimate reduction of me. I do like it, but I don’t. It shames me as it thrills me. It objectifies me into a piece of property which humiliates me — yet submissively I suckle that with a kind of eager pleasure. I’ve spent more than 5,000 words trying to describe how complex an experience this is for me.

Such is the reality of being a submissive in the life.

elephant gift: car wash: 1

This happened last Saturday, and I’ve been slow in reporting it. Not that I am avoiding it, but I’m not sure there is much to report, not that much new. My humiliations have become routine, it seems. Still, there were a few new wrinkles…

It was neighbor Justin Farris who won me as an elephant gift at the New Year’s Eve party — the gift of my washing his car. Mr. Farris is a single man in his forties who looks younger, slight of build with black hair and a tightly trimmed beard. He has always seemed to keep to himself, and therefore is a bit inscrutable. He recently changed jobs, and I confess I don’t know what his work is now, other than it requires a lot of travel. He often isn’t around. Yet he has participated in the events of my slavery among the neighbors.

I well remember his comment to me in the days following the New Year’s Eve party. That night, I had been subject to body-writing from the entire group, and it took most of a week for it to fade from my flesh — and my thoughts. I forget the exact context of his comment, but I suppose it was a response to my resisting some of the words I’d been labeled with. Mr. Farris said to me, “The fact you have ‘slut’ written all over your body pretty much makes you a slut.” It was said in a soft-spoken manner, which is how he is, and he didn’t mean it as a dig, but it was sharp in its truth. I actually appreciated it.

When the car wash got scheduled, Mr. Farris, with Amanda’s permission, sent out an invite to the entire neighborhood. This car washing, along with the lawn mowing previously, evolved into gifts not just for one person but for the whole community. Likewise will be the “field trip” to Master McKenna’s mansion. While I’m the subject of humiliation in all of these, it gives me satisfaction that these mini-events bring together our neighborhood.

Mr. Farris was ready at 1:00 Saturday afternoon with a hose and buckets and rags. A few neighbors were already there when we arrived; others would show up later through the afternoon.


I knew the humiliation I was walking into, but I had prepared myself to be positive about the experience. Of all the elephant gifts, this seemed more suited to being a community fun time, and even though I was to be the sexual object at the center of the festivities, I thought it could/should be fun. Besides, I was/am aware that my attitude during these events influences others’ experiences. But more on this in a bit…

Mistress dressed Maria in a sensible knee-length belted denim skirt and a simple T-shirt. To Maria’s chagrin, she was not permitted a bra underneath. Like before, Maria was fitted with rags and brushes from her belt, and spray bottles of Mr. Clean and Windex from her wrist cuffs. She carried an armload of old bath towels.

Meanwhile, Mistress put me in a short flared skater skirt, white with wide pleats, matched with white high heels. Certainly not the ideal outfit for washing cars. And on top, to my chagrin, she had me wear my new graphic tee, the one I wrote about before, which bears the definition:

cumslut
/kuhm.sluht/
a woman with exceptional appetite and fascination for sperm

I begged Mistress not to make me wear it, and she replied, “It’s not a secret, Shae,” as if that was the obvious justification for advertising my addiction.

Dressed as such, Maria and I were walked on leashes up the driveway to Mr. Fariss’s house.


There were six people awaiting our “entrance.” More would arrive later. We got a smattering of faux applause as we arrived. Someone had brought lemonade and plastic cups. A Nissan small SUV sat in the drive. Behind it was a Toyota Corolla. And behind that was another car, a Ford SUV, I think.

At the start, Mistress made a few comments and gave an instruction or two. I was not going to be cleaning the insides of the cars, she told people, just the exteriors. She didn’t say why, but I’m sure the reason behind it was that my being inside the cars would not be the “show” that people came to see.

She added that she was going to reward me if I finished all the cars in the cue, my incentive to work diligently, but if I failed to finish them all by 3:30, there would be a “consequence” for all to see. Personally, I didn’t need any reward, for I aim to do every task in my slavery with my best effort to finish and do the job well. There’s no point in my slavery duties to do anything half-assed. But here, the threat of a public “consequence” was a surprise to me, a new wrinkle I hadn’t expected, and an impetus to work more quickly.

Immediately there was a problem. No one had thought to bring “car soap” for sudsing the cars. No one seemed to have any back home. There was a general discussion about what to use instead, and someone mentioned laundry detergent. Ever-quiet Maria spoke up: laundry detergent is abrasive, she told everyone, and we shouldn’t use that. What to use instead? Maria, of course, the source of practical life-hack information, said, “Shampoo.” Of all things.

Mr. Farris had just a little shampoo left, he said, but Stacy volunteered her new bottle of Suave, and she ran home to fetch it.


My exposures in the neighborhood are common now, but I have not yet become inured to them. They still feel sexual to me, not in a bad way necessarily, for I personally know the people witnessing me and even have been intimate with a few on occasional lovely nights. But in front of a crowd, my sexuality is displayed in a ways that aren’t intimate or personal. I am objectified, reduced to a sexual image shared by the group. For all my many slave experiences, this is still embarrassing to me — even while it’s something that excites my submissive longing.

I took the hose, adjusted the sprayer, and dutifully wetted down the first car, the blue Nissan. Maria had poured some shampoo into a pail, filled it with water, and sudsed it up.

It became clear that people’s interests were not fulfilled just by my pointing the hose at the car, that they wanted water and suds on me. Of course — that was the whole point of the elephant gift. Mr. Darnell quickly volunteered to man the hose (which is not a euphemism for anything… or maybe it is), and soon was drenching me in a stream of cold water.

Upon first splash, the water felt really cold, and I shrieked, then laughed. It was an incredibly hot, sunny day here, and once I got accustomed to it, the water felt good on me. Of course, my areolae showed through my wet T-shirt, and the cold pricked my nipples into perkiness. This was the beginning of the show they’d all come to see.

Now, I am aware that the neighbors don’t come to these things for a peep show. They can find and watch that anywhere. Nor are they sex-deprived and need the titillation of some “girl-gone-wild” Showtime special. Their interest in me is something more and other.

One of the dynamics of “me and the neighbors” is that I am younger than all of them. Amanda sometimes says I “have that fresh-scrubbed-Irish-lass-next-door look,” and that adds to my youthful image in the neighborhood. At the same time I am not “young-young,” for I am in my thirties, a fully developed adult woman, and a reasonably intelligent one at that. So, there is intrigue in seeing me — both youthful and mature, innocent yet intelligently aware — as I enter into events of my own sexualization.

Their other fascination, so I’m told, is my submissiveness to the dominance Mistress Amanda subjects me to. They find it fun and erotic, quite frankly, to watch my degradation. In some cases, perhaps it awakens them to their own innate dominance and submissiveness. Certainly, they find intrigue in the combination of “lass-next-door” and this version of “Fifty Shades” being played out before them in a driveway with a hose on a summer day.


Someone took Maria’s bucket of suds and made to toss it over the hood of the car, but intentionally mis-aimed and splashed it almost entirely on me. I shrieked again, and became coated in mounds of white suds. The words of my T-shirt peered through the white creamy froth, and someone joked, “‘Cumslut’ seems so much more meaningful now.”

I blushed and reached for another bucket of suds, splashing it on the Nissan. I started wiping down the hood with a rag from Maria’s belt. I felt that, somehow, through all this, cars needed to get washed. This became the gentle tension of the afternoon — my endeavor to complete the real work of car-washing before my deadline, avoiding “the consequence,” while neighbors tried to thwart my efforts by soaking me and making my clothes transparent and clingy. This tension kept the afternoon, sort of, from being a simple wet T-shirt contest.

I wasn’t the only one who got soaked. Someone sprayed Maria, to her shocked chagrin, and her tee clung to her pretty breasts and showed their cute grapefruit shapes and dark areolae through the cotton. Of course, this was Mistress Amanda’s intention all along. Later, Stacy got sprayed, as well as Cecilia, and some of the men as well.


Against all odds, I finished washing the Nissan, with Maria handing me a big bath towel to dry it off. The neighbors kept pointing out spots I’d presumably missed, clearly wanting to slow me down and sabotage my progress. But the Nissan was driven off, and soon enough I got working on the Corolla.

I was soaked head to foot, my skirt and heels drenched along with my T-shirt. The driveway area was flat, thankfully, and people frequently used the hose to wash away suds so I wouldn’t slip as I tottered around the car in my heels. My wet skirt was clinging to my thighs, and at times the thin, transparent tricot stuck to my vulva, outlining my labia. I tried at times to readjust it and pull the skirt fabric from my skin, but that was only slowing me down. At a point I gave up, thinking it would have to show what it would show.

Of course, inevitably there were calls for me to take off my T-shirt entirely. I expected this, but waited to hear Mistress Amanda’s order, which came in due time. I reached for the bottom of the tee and squirreled it over my boobs and above my head. My breasts lifted and fell as I took it off, and people hooted.


I think my “place” in the mind and experience of the neighbors was figured out at the New Year’s Eve party. Before that, I was a visual curiosity seen from afar — along the frontage road and in a bay window. People considered me an oddity; people were intrigued to watch, but it was mostly hand’s off, and people didn’t quite know how to approach me. The NYE party changed that, designed by Mistress to be neighbors’ hand’s-on experience of me. There, they had the chance to touch and fondle me, write on my body, and even spank me, among other things.

Even more important, that night they came into a deeper understanding of my submissive acquiescence to the humiliations I was subjected to. They saw that their abuse of me was something which I absorbed and felt in sexual ways. While my ordeal was significant that night, I remained engaged with what they were doing to me, submitting to them with comments and sass, and often with smiles. They could rest easy in seeing I was fulfilled in it somehow.

I have since been aware that in these neighborhood events, it’s important for me to let show my submissive need being satisfied — I need to appear engaged and engaging. If I were to seem depressed and reduced to tears, there would be no pleasure in it for others.

When Mistress has me alone and brings me to tears, she won’t cater to that — she’ll push through, knowing her dominance is what I actually need. Neighbors don’t know that, they can’t read my submissiveness like she does. So, they need to see that my experience isn’t totally painful and hurtful but in some way satisfying.

For me, this isn’t an act I’m putting on. It’s simply about letting my submissive satisfactions show through. Neighbors need to see that I feel their humiliations of me but also that I am resilient in absorbing them and am actually fulfilled submissively in the experience.

And so, even as I am exposed with my breasts naked and jiggling in the summer breeze, even as I feel the humiliation that any woman might feel in public exposure, I find moments to enter into their pleasure with a laugh, a giggle, and maybe an occasional touch of sass.

new neighbors

Scott and Cecilia Kemp this week put their house up for sale. Additionally, there is a new house being built on the other side of the frontage road. This means new neighbors for Amanda to try to woo into some acceptance of our lifestyle.

Over the past two years, our neighborhood has remained relatively stable. There are eleven houses around the ridge, spaced out far with expansive lots. Of those, eight of the homeowners have bought into our D/s lifestyle and even are now participating in it. Yet three homeowners are not so positively disposed to us.

By circumstance, two of those three neighbors who are not open to us, have homes set on a side road off the frontage loop, so they are visually removed from my leash-walks and other exposures.

I think Amanda is realizing how fortunate she was originally in finding acceptance by many of the existing neighbors. It may not work out so well with new people. While the socio-economics of our little development attract people who are progressive socially and sexually, the chances of new neighbors being receptive are unlikely.

It remains to be seen if our open lifestyle around the block and up on the ridge will be able to remain so open.

tea and strumpets

We held a neighborhood tea time on Friday, and for once I kept my clothes on. Mistress felt that because the next day I would be fulfilling the elephant gift of car-washing and would be amply displayed, there was no need to over-expose me for the tea as well.

Nonetheless, Mistress dressed me in the shortest of skirts. On top, she had me in a thin camisole with spaghetti straps that allowed a lot of freedom for my breasts to ripple and roam. Meanwhile, Maria wore a modest sundress, the pretty blue one I like on her so well, as well as a white apron.

The day had been unbearably hot here, but the sun fell behind the ridge at about 4:30, and the patio become pleasant enough for everyone. Summer teas are always iced tea, along with chilled white wine and scones. Theresa brought a charcuterie board with olives, dates, cheeses, and sliced Italian meats.

Notable to me these days is how Mistress differentiates Maria and me. Maria, the service slave, was made the waitress, pouring tea and serving trays of food, fetching whatever people needed. She was ever busy, flitting about, and very much in her happy place. That is what I used to do at these things.

It’s a little more challenging for Mistress to know how to use me, the sex slave, in some way appropriate to a neighborhood tea. Well, she always manages. Here, she had me pour the white wine, though that clearly wasn’t the point. I stood to the side in my five-inch heels and my too-short skirt, holding a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, showing lots of thigh, and ever ready to serve anyone who nodded for a refill. As most of them were seated, I had to lean over to pour them a glass, and my boobs would roll forward, nearly falling out of my cami top.

One neighbor feigned concern that I was unsteady in my heels on the tiled patio ( I wasn’t); he “helped” by holding the back of my thigh under my short skirt. “Thank you, sir,” I said. This then became the play of others as well. And it wasn’t just the men who were handsy with me — Stacy’s fingers found places higher up my thighs, and under my skirt she secretly fingered my delta, the scene of our past pleasures.

In all of it, I received the fondling with, well, passive submissiveness, saying thank you, and realizing once again how my body has somehow become the happy playground of our entire neighborhood.


Not at the tea itself, but in recent and random conversations, questions have come up regarding the matter of my sexual objectification.

The most common question is whether I ever “get tired of” being sexually objectified. This always feels to me like a trick question. The implication of “get tired” is that my objectified treatment by others is an inappropriateness that no woman should not have to endure; even as a sex slave, I must have a limit to how much I can take.

The alternative answer— no, I never get tired of it — suggests that I love the experience of being handled and fondled, sexually objectified, which paints me as a strumpet, a craven nymphomaniac. Well, while despite my protests I may be those things, that’s not connected in any way to my actual answer to the question nor the truth of the matter.

I don’t get tired of being sexually objectified, and yet I don’t love it. It is something that I have to endure, yet it’s something I somehow find satisfying. That sounds like a set of conflicting statements, but they make sense in one particular way.

The nexus is, of course, my submissiveness. Being sexually objectified makes me feel my submissiveness more deeply. No, it is not appropriate for a woman to be sexually displayed and fondled, but that is my place and purpose as a submissive — and I am fulfilled by submitting to that. Yes, it is something I endure, but in the requirement of enduring it, I am obedient and, again, feel my submissive need fulfilled.

To ask me if I “ever get tired of it” just isn’t the right question. As a sexual submissive, my being used and objectified sexually is a real need within me. For me to be walked topless on the frontage road fulfills that need even though it is a humiliation I must endure. To be lusted for and fondled on the patio at teatime is oddly satisfying, even as it feels degrading. Or maybe it’s better to say that because it is degrading, it is satisfying — it touches my submissive core.

So, does it excite me sexually to be treated as a sexual object? Yes, but that’s not really the same as loving it or craving it. What people don’t really understand when they ask these questions is how intricately woven my submissiveness is with my sexuality. When Stacy fondles my pussy, of course I am excited, but perhaps just as arousing to me is that I can’t help but yield myself submissively, accept my place, and cede my body at the party to be fondled as such. In a way, I am titillated by my own submission to being played with.


After a while at the patio tea, people have had their touches of my flesh and eyefuls of my breasts rolling under my cami like the tides. They get to talking, and need no more wine poured. I stand to the side in silence, feeling they have forgotten about me. This too is a turn-on submissively: the debasement of my body having been seen and lusted for, my flesh being felt and handled — now resolving into the humiliation of an absence of interest.

Later Mistress will remind me that during this tea time, the neighbors have refreshed their images of me and will harbor them in their minds after they leave. They will recall them in the crevices of time in coming days and nights. They will possess me virtually and do with me what they will.

And no, God help my submissive soul, I never get tired of that.