a slightly different life

Again, my body has been toiling hard here in Pennsylvania while my mind has leaped forward in anticipations of Colorado…

In addition to Amanda’s “firmer dominance” of me, she has talked about creating a better balance in my life socially. By that, she doesn’t mean the neighborhood (which will be social for me in a whole other way). She means outside, non-D/s involvement with other vanilla-world people and groups.

As readers know, this has long been a deficit in my slave life, a chronic problem for my well-being. A times Amanda has taken the responsibility for this lack, but it really shouldn’t be on her. Circumstances have gotten in the way. And I have gotten in the way, not pursuing some things, not sticking with others.

Now, there are two things Amanda’s talking about going forward…

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Amanda knows of an interest I’ve had since childhood having to do with horses.

I had an uncle who was a farmer and owned some mares and stallions. We visited when I was a girl, and I was entranced by his horses. They felt so powerful and graceful to me. I did a little riding there, a lesson or two on a very slow, docile mare, and loved the experience, but I never have had opportunity to pursue that interest.

Well, Amanda has recently connected with a woman named Savannah who owns a ranch in the Colorado foothills. She owns horses and is open to teaching me how to care for them, showing me the basics in grooming and tacking (and probably a host of other brand new equine words for my vocabulary). She’ll also give me some riding lessons.

Amanda is open for me to do this about once a week through the spring and summer. We’ll see how it goes, but I’m excited about it — getting to know Savannah and her ranch crew.

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And then, there’s, well, church.

Friend and follower Mister Archie, in response to my blog writings about my Mother’s church here in Pennsylvania, left me a comment a while ago suggesting that when I go back to Colorado I might look into church as a social opportunity. Thank you, sir.

As it happens, this was suggested this past Sunday night by someone I’d never expect — Amanda. I don’t know if she read Mister Archie’s comment, maybe so, but she also mentioned it right following my post about Morgan’s Woods. She knows that despite my issues with the church of my childhood, I remain a deeply spiritual woman at heart. She also knows I had joined the logistics team at Mother’s church and found a kind of social connection in it.

As an aside, there’s probably no more ironic circumstance than Amanda and I attending church with my mother back in December, sitting in a pew with a few hundred evangelical Christians. Amanda wanted to honor my Mom by attending with us. Which was a beautiful thing. But it’s a hoot to imagine us, lesbian and bi, dom and sex slave, sitting together in the midst of so much conservative religion.

Anyway, Amanda has simply said she’s open to my finding some church involvement when I return to Colorado, as long as it doesn’t consume too much of her time with me.

My spiritual inclination is toward a more private experience, such as finding a clone of Morgan’s Woods somewhere near us in Colorado. But that’s a solitary venture, and doesn’t provide the social interaction Amanda is seeking for me.

More to say about this, but I will be looking into “a church thing.”

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One of the lessons learned from my exile here in Pennsylvania is that there’s a value in mingling with the vanilla world. If they were to know me, what I am and do, they would never understand. Who does that? Somehow, that’s a good thing.

Because of that imagined response, my D/s life is deepened. The vanilla normal provides useful contrast. To talk with a man in the vanilla world whom I address by his first name gives added deference to my addressing Master McKenna as “Sir.” To move tables alongside others on the church logistics team provides a memory of normalcy as I submissively scrub Amanda’s kitchen floor in a miniskirt without panties. To share coffee with someone who does not know I am a sex slave gives meaning to my serving coffee on a tray to my Mistress who does know exactly my slave place and sex purpose.

Some social life with normals in Colorado will be good for me and my life balance. It might also remind me how far I’ve come and how precious it is that I‘ve found myself in the life I live.